To hate it when people invite extra people on a night out?

[YourFinestPantaloons]

Looking forward to a very much missed (due to COVID) get together with friends next weekend. Meal and nightclub, we are pushing boat out as it's been nearly 2 years since we all were together at once - we used to have a meal and night out maybe 4-5 times a year.

One of my friends has, without checking with anyone else, invited two other people, who we all do kind-of know as we met them on her hen do, they're her colleagues. They're ok (I find one woman completely stuck up though), but they aren't part of our tight knit group and it will completely change the dynamic.

WIBU to ask friend just to keep it to the group?

Yeah I’d ask her to keep it to just your group. I hate it too when people do this! Although it might put her in an awkward position for this night out.

She's invited them now so it's too late. It does kind of suggest she's not that bothered about seeing the original group though.

YANBU. I wouldn’t like this.

Maybe text “I’d rather it was just the four of us this time tbh, I’ve been looking forward to a proper catch up as it’s been so long since we were all together”.

You can't really ask her now, if she's already asked them. I don't mind it really, but can see how you would be a bit annoyed.

@DragonLegs

Yeah I’d ask her to keep it to just your group. I hate it too when people do this! Although it might put her in an awkward position for this night out.

Her problem though

I would say aomething as well

I hate this too, it’s not as bad at the people inviting male partners on girls nights out, but it changes the vibe completely.

It's rude. She should have checked with you first at the very least. And if she wants a night out with her colleagues she should go out with them another time.

I don't see it as a massive problem. You'll either all have a great night or split off into separate groups. You might find you make a couple of decent friends.

A couple of years back I was booked in to have a Christmas drink with a (so I thought) good friend. I had made the invite, booked the pub. Just the two of us, lovely gossipy wine-fuelled catch up with no kids or husbands. A day or so beforehand, bumped into an acquaintance (of mine - but closer friend of hers) who made casual mention of how she was looking forward to seeing us both for that drink in a week. Huh? On digging a little, I discovered not only had 'friend' A invited extra person B, and expanded the drinks date to 'plus husbands', AND when the date wasn't convenient for B, she had rescheduled it and not bothered to tell me about either of these changes to the plans! Knobs. Didn't bother with either of them again.

I have always think the more the merrier and more friends to make.. No wonder people struggle too male friends later in in life when people are like this.
I do know what you mean op and sometimes they get left out of reminiscing and stories etc... But really it's a rare chance to make new great friends

@Clymene

It's rude. She should have checked with you first at the very least. And if she wants a night out with her colleagues she should go out with them another time.

This.

Really rude.

I would say it too.

Sounds to me she isn't pushed so perhaps reschedule without her.

@Autumngoldleaf

I have always think the more the merrier and more friends to make.. No wonder people struggle too male friends later in in life when people are like this. I do know what you mean op and sometimes they get left out of reminiscing and stories etc... But really it's a rare chance to make new great friends

There is a time and space for the more the merrier. People can still make friends on different occasions

I couldn’t care less, personally. I love meeting new people and I think it’s a bit controlling to insist that friendship groups get preserved in aspic. I find this attitude quite depressing.

But if you don’t want them to come you should say something to your friend now otherwise the two other guests will be walking into a weird insular vibe through no fault of their own. Friend probably should have checked.

YNBU not to like it. But I don’t think you can reasonably police what she’s done and tell them to uninvite the new additions. I’d go along with the bigger party and then in the future organise a close knit night out with just the closies. You should specifically say it’s a special night our just for you guys.

Surely people realise it'll be a totally different type of evening with people who are not close friends... conversation will be much more superficial I'm sure. Who wants to update each other about what's been happening the past 18 months with an audience listening?

It's been nearly 2 years since the OP and her friends went out. This isn't the time to invite randoms

I agree it's not the same.
A couple times a year I host a dinner party at mine for about ten of us women, I've done this for years. Inevitably someone asks if their hubby can come - no! Totally different thing if partners came!

I have a couple of friends who always do this. They are very much of the more the merrier opinion. And I’m sure that’s true, for them.

But it really doesn’t work for me. I can’t focus in a larger group, it’s too many people, too many conversations, and it’s exhausting. I would much prefer four max.

I used to just go along with it and then not enjoy the evening. These days I’m much more up front about it and check as we fix things up whether this is a just us thing, or a the more the more thing. If it starts out as a just us thing and then grows I simply bow out.

I actually find your attitude quite sad.
Adult DD was made redundant a couple of years ago and had to move 150 miles from the family home to work, to a city where she didn’t know anyone.
Fortunately she got talking to another woman who lived in her block of flats who invited DD on a night out with her friends.
If everyone was like you op DD would still be stuck in a tiny studio flat with no one to go out with.

I love how this is already on a way to turn into epic extreme vs extreme of never mingle with others to always invite randoms and NOTHING inbetween (like, sometimes the more the merrier, somethines just the small private group) because that would be too reasonable and that's not what MN is ready for😂

Yanbu, it’s extremely rude!

Wouldn’t bother me in the slightest. Friend of a friend is (usually) a friend of mine. More the merrier.

Sometimes it’s appropriate/fine/acceptable/welcome to tag add-ons on to a social occasion.

This isn’t one of those times.

I think it’s more about asking the original friends if inviting others is ok with them first.

I’ve been going out walking one afternoon a week with a friend, last week when I turned up, she’d invited someone I didn’t know.
I didn’t like that she hadn’t asked me first.

Really rude. I've had friends invite other friends to get togethers. Invited friend then can't do it so can we change the date? Then we're trying to organise more people so the date gets pushed out a few weeks to a month . Grr. So rude.