To hate it when people invite extra people on a night out?

[YourFinestPantaloons]

Looking forward to a very much missed (due to COVID) get together with friends next weekend. Meal and nightclub, we are pushing boat out as it's been nearly 2 years since we all were together at once - we used to have a meal and night out maybe 4-5 times a year.

One of my friends has, without checking with anyone else, invited two other people, who we all do kind-of know as we met them on her hen do, they're her colleagues. They're ok (I find one woman completely stuck up though), but they aren't part of our tight knit group and it will completely change the dynamic.

WIBU to ask friend just to keep it to the group?

@Fairyliz

I actually find your attitude quite sad. Adult DD was made redundant a couple of years ago and had to move 150 miles from the family home to work, to a city where she didn’t know anyone. Fortunately she got talking to another woman who lived in her block of flats who invited DD on a night out with her friends. If everyone was like you op DD would still be stuck in a tiny studio flat with no one to go out with.

Except these women have their own friends. HTH.

Also a little dramatic to say your DD would have no friends if it weren't for this one incident. You realise you get more than one chance to make friends with people, yes?

Forgot to say, there would have been 4 of us now there's 6

@garlictwist

I don't see the issue? The more the merrier. If you don't like them that's one thing but it sounds like you could get to know them and gain new friends.

I honestly don't need any new friends, I struggle to keep up with the ones I've got!

@YourFinestPantaloons YANBU. I hate it. And the phrases 'the more the merrier' boils my piss when it comes to this kind of thing!

@girlmom21

Who actually instigated the meet up?

All of us in a "we need to start up our nights out again" kinda way. The friend who has invited these extra women was the one who booked the table though, and then has now changed it to a table of 6

Tis a pickle, it's like when it's cards night, usually its just the two of us, which is good for strategy planning and organising, but sometimes extras get invited but then the strategy has to be dialed down for the.extras,

Superfluous 's.' I meant the PHRASE 'the more the merrier!'

@hithere5677

The more the merrier? Just be a nice person and join them in the conversations and get pally with them. This has 'you can't sit with us' vibes... never understood people like yourself or those who are saying yanbu.

Nah fuck that.

I don't wanna 'get pally' with practical strangers when I'm supposed to be on a night out with close friends. I am a nice person, it doesn't make me horrible to not turn it into some sort of ice breaking activity

This is so sad, and it’s exactly why there are so many lonely people. On one side you’ve people struggling to make friends and on the other people saying don’t invite new people. I’ve a horrible feeling some of the folks saying it’s wrong are one and rhe same people who struggle to make friends.

Yes it does change the dynamic but I always take the approach rhe more the merrier and am happy to invite people because everyone always wants to be accepted and no one should feel excluded

YANBU. For lots of people more is not "merrier". It is noisier, more anxiety inducing and exhausting. She should have checked with you first.

Completely see where you're coming from. It's not so much that other people were asked - it just wasn't what you'd agreed and you didn't get any say in whether the evening could be opened to other people. I work really hard and only go on a night out with friends 4 or 5 times a year. The last thing I want is to sit on one of my precious nights out making small talk with strangers who you may or may get on with. To be honest, I'd bow out and suggest rearranging for an evening where it was just the 4 of you for a proper catch up.

YANBU, I would hate this too

YANBU. I was actually pleased that partners didn't make the cut for a post covid wedding with friends I haven't seen since for sixteen years.

It was amazing that we had changed so little and yet so much (and he'd have never understood the banter).

@hithere5677

The more the merrier? Just be a nice person and join them in the conversations and get pally with them.

'The more the merrier... ' 🤢 'BE a NICE person!!!' 🤮

I work really hard and only go on a night out with friends 4 or 5 times a year. The last thing I want is to sit on one of my precious nights out making small talk with strangers who you may or may get on with. To be honest, I'd bow out and suggest rearranging for an evening where it was just the 4 of you for a proper catch up

This. I am the same, I work long hours and rarely see friends and we meet up a few times a year so when we do I too like it to be just us as it is a very rare occasion, and outsiders there just dilutes it. As I said upthread it would be totally different if the meetings were frequent.

Agree with this. ^

The more the merrier brigade are nauseous tbh.

Personally if it's a group it doesn't bother me if more people come, especially when the night out is to pubs/nightclubs - my friends and I always end up chatting to strangers too and it makes for a great night out for us!

The only time I could understand getting annoyed is if it's just the two of us and they bring someone else along

@Bluntness100

This is so sad, and it’s exactly why there are so many lonely people. On one side you’ve people struggling to make friends and on the other people saying don’t invite new people. I’ve a horrible feeling some of the folks saying it’s wrong are one and rhe same people who struggle to make friends.

Yes it does change the dynamic but I always take the approach rhe more the merrier and am happy to invite people because everyone always wants to be accepted and no one should feel excluded

These women aren't struggling to make friends. They just don't need to be on someone else's group

@MyPatronusIsACat

Agree with this. ^

The more the merrier brigade are nauseous tbh.

I agree.

I mean why is it merrier?

@Autumngoldleaf

I have always think the more the merrier and more friends to make.. No wonder people struggle too male friends later in in life when people are like this. I do know what you mean op and sometimes they get left out of reminiscing and stories etc... But really it's a rare chance to make new great friends

I feel the same as you

It never bothers me one bit but I'm of the more the merrier mindset, very sociable and I love meeting people. When I split up with my ex I was grateful to people that invited me out with their friends.

MyPatronusIsACat

Agree with this. ^

The more the merrier brigade are nauseous tbh.

@YourFinestPantaloons I agree.

I mean why is it merrier?

Exactly! It's only 'merrier' for the dufus mate who brought other folk along that you don't know, and didn't know were coming.

YANBU. I like to meet new people but if I've arranged a catch up with a small group of close friends that isn't it as with a family I have limited nights out and it totally changes the dynamic.

I would have to cancel, and say that I’m not comfortable that others have been invited.
What do the other two people in the group think?
Have you spoken to them privately to get their views?

I really don’t feel comfortable with people I don’t know, and having two additions would totally ruin my night.