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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think there is an inverse relationship between how little money people have and how much they are willing to spend on presents for their children

667 replies

Twiglett · 05/12/2007 12:20

am truly gobsmacked at some of the things that people I know are buying for their children

truly and utterly, spoilt bastard, gobsmacked

why spend that much money? why?

OP posts:
Original poster
Twiglett · 05/12/2007 14:34

weird gifts that your weird kids want thread

Boco, unsursprisingly your DD's goat made it to OP

OP posts:
oliveoil · 05/12/2007 14:34

I don't think mine got anything when they were babies

especially dd2, bless her, with her hand-me-downs for everything

they aren't aware then imo, they are when they get older, that is when I like to get them a lot of things

anyhoooo, work is calling, toodle pip

mummyvontummy · 05/12/2007 14:35

This used to happen all the time in our old town-there was a very large population on low incomes and kids used to have huge £200 trampolines and paddling pools and no money to buy them clothes. Everyone was in the same situation and that was the only way they felt that they could show that they were better parents and better than everyone else. Birthdays etc disn't have the comparative value of Christmas as they happen at different times of the year.
Whereas where we have moved to now there is none of that, and it is a far more affluent area. My dd asked for some roller blades for xmas, and when asked if she wanted anything from my mum she asked for a reindeer to put on the Christmas tree as she had already asked santa for everything she wanted (ie the roller blades), but she is so contented. Am SO tempted to get her a rocking horse one day though (shame on me!)

FioFio · 05/12/2007 14:35

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Message withdrawn

Original poster
Twiglett · 05/12/2007 14:35

now Jeremy surely its 'patronising to whom?'

OP posts:
tortoiseSHELL · 05/12/2007 14:36

Now anyone who bought a rocking horse I would have great sympathy with - I would SO love to get the kids one, but just can't justify the space it would take up. But they are such lovely things to have. Much better imho than a Wii

stockingfiller · 05/12/2007 14:37

tbh dd has got wooden trike (half price when woolies had cv offer)
fifi blanket
fifi slippers
fifi talking soft toy
cow teddy
and a small ball with a cow on

this is not excessive and did not cost a lot and i have been buying slowly every cpl weeks

dp has got A book and thats it i have NOTHING our families are going to have photos i have taken (5p a print)
i dont care that i have nothing the excitment dd is going to have will be best pressie ever and i will get photos to be a reminder!
we only ever had small amount spent on us as kids regardless of income i have always had to save my cash for what i want so im very carefull with cash.
dd has not long needed new shoes and i went without for weeks for her to have these!
we struggle by most weeks christmas will be no different and i dont go out clubbing/drinking/smoking, there is no where i can save cash the car has broken down and we can not afford to fix it so we walked instead!
pil are wealthy but will only get dd what she is needing and stuff she can keep till she is older (puppet with matching book which will last till her teens, an inital necklace)
it really is about the thought of it in those who have been brought up to respect money special times like birthdays and christmas etc know this!

oliveoil · 05/12/2007 14:37

if I could afford a £500 rocking horse, I could afford a huge mofo playroom to put it in and ignore the hideous beast

therefore ok

FioFio · 05/12/2007 14:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

JeremyMcVile · 05/12/2007 14:39
fircone · 05/12/2007 14:39

Here's a tip, stockingfiller, bump off wealthy pil!

Original poster
Twiglett · 05/12/2007 14:40

ROFL at Jeremy

OP posts:
manchita · 05/12/2007 14:43

Olive Oil, I think that is what happened after a few weeks

mummyvontummy · 05/12/2007 14:44

Ok, I admit, the rocking horse would be for me!!!! He he!! She would have to go through ten years of having no xmas or birthday presents before the thing arrived though-think a goat is best!
Babies are the hardest to buy for I find-they never tend to really take to toys like older ones-I was the world's worst present buyer until she could tell me what she wanted.

stockingfiller · 05/12/2007 14:45

lol dont think id be in the will!
last week mil was moaning her mil and her dad would have to pay for there own care!

manchita · 05/12/2007 14:46

Yes,mummyv I believe rocking goats are more reasonable

fedupwasherwoman · 05/12/2007 14:46

To answer the OP.

Yes IME there generally is but that is only a generalisation. There are exceptions to this observation but naturally unless you know the people concerned you are unlikely to notice their restraint.

spanielsmom · 05/12/2007 14:47

I have not read the whole thing but I have to say that I have found it quite difficult to manage this situation with our ds.

My dh comes from a family where money was often very tight and he does not have very good memories of christmas. Probably cause his mother was also a ***. Hence he wants to give our ds everything that he never had - not just presents, but outings, education, holidays, etc...

I am not talking about going mad, no £600 bikes (yet), but dh has gone to town a bit for this Christmas and keeps on coming homes with something else, saying "look what I found". We have probably spent about £150.

I am insisting that we put a few of the presents away for ds' birthday, because I know that he will be delighted whatever he gets - he is still so young. And I do not want to spoil him. He will also get great prezzies from both set of grandparents, cousins and uncles and aunts. I think it will just be too much for one little boy.

essbeeavenue · 05/12/2007 14:53

Message withdrawn

VeniVidiVickiQV · 05/12/2007 15:02

You've worked on lots of council estates? Some of us have lived on them too.

If you've "worked" on lots of council estates, you'll know that the reason that "lots of houses are falling apart" is because oddly enough, the landlords arent keen on keeping them in a good state of repair, or spend money on them. Not a good investment, apparently. But, that is probably because they werent made to a particularly good, or aesthetic quality in the first place.

Which of course you would know, by the "fact" of having "worked" on lots of council estates.

The inverted smuggery on this thread is somewhat nauseating tbh.

and I'm pmsl at the list of "economical buys" for £50 for a child that isnt even 1 year old yet and has no clue what Christmas is.

Perhaps, I'm just a grump today.

berolina · 05/12/2007 15:06

ds1 will get a proliferation of small things for Christmas (mainly books. I have turned into a dreadfully compulsive children's-book buyer. And drawing/craft things). ds2 will get a baby gym and a soft toy. I actually think birthdays are a more appropriate time to give big 'main' presents - we are planning a like-a-bike for ds1's 3rd birthday.

I think duchesse hit the nail on the head a lot further down the thread when she said not feeling the need to spend a lot was a sign of 'not feeling nervous about your place in society'. I think the notions of affording things and participation in society have got rather mixed up for some people - which says a lot (and not good stuff either) about what our society has become.

geekymummy · 05/12/2007 15:08

Not read whole thread yet...

This parenting lark can be guilt ridden. My sis is a single mum but feels that she MUST get her DS the latest stuff or she feels bad; not sure where this pressure is coming from He's 5 and lovely and undemanding, I know he'd be as happy with books as with a computer game.

Insecurities and appearances have a lot to do with this, and the advertising industry and toy/gadget/other big businesses are reaping the rewards...

ScottishMummy · 05/12/2007 15:13

appalling stereotyping on this thread
Council estate parents = feckless, £££'s on expensive pressies
Middle Classes = prudent and careful carefully chosen

Oblomov · 05/12/2007 15:17

Twiglett, I do agree with you. But then I disagree with you too.
When the hampers companies went bust, I was astonished at how much, some people, some of whom did not have alot of money, thus saved through the scheme, but I was shocked to see that they had saved £100's and £100's for Christmas.
We don't spend that much, but it is personal choice, isn't it?
I was shocked the other day to see a thread where someone spent £400 on a party.
Bu then you might be shocked to learn that last year dh, ds and I went on holiday to Ibiza , all inclusive for 2 weeks, at nearly £1000.
Other people on mumsnett struggle to afford a £10 Sun Holiday - which we also went on !!!!
It is personal, how anyone spends their money.
At the same time I am shocked to see people spending £100's and £100's on Wiis etc etc.
And I do believe that some people on benefits, not all, but some have a much larger disposable income than dh and i , who both work. That grates, but what can you do ?

JeremyMcVile · 05/12/2007 15:17

It is far, far, far too easy to view spending choices purely in terms of what you can afford.

Far more often spending (particularly on our children) is wrapped up in emotions and feelings of worth, ironically it is those without little mone to spare who are most vulnerable to these feelings.

(in case that comes across as patronising again, I speak from experience.)

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