Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why does this keep happening to me!

76 replies

Lauralu19 · 18/09/2021 20:03

Aibu in thinking I will never ever meet somebody. I’m a single parent, my daughter is 2. I’ve not had any luck in dating or meeting somebody, which tbh I would like to, have a feeling it’s never going to happen though.

The reason I’m posting this is I’ve been speaking to somebody for a little while and we planned a date today, 6pm. This was planned on Thursday so enough time to let me know if anything changed. Just casual at the pub for food. Arranged for my mum to have DD for the night. I Was looking forward to it. I was having to drive about half an hour to get there and because I hadn’t heard from him for a few hours I text to see what was happening. He said ‘can just meet there at 5 or 6pm’ which isn’t helpful in itself. Got ready anyway and I said let me know when you’re going to set off and be there. Heard nothing. Tried calling him no answer. I thought I’m not wasting my time going in case he doesn’t turn up but gave him more than enough time to let me know either way, anyway it got to 6:30pm and he text me saying ‘can just meet another day next week if you’re not busy’ I really don’t understand! I’m glad I didn’t just turn up to be stood up

OP posts:
Cottagepieandpeas · 18/09/2021 20:05

But if it was arranged for 6 perhaps he thought you would be there at 6?

burritofan · 18/09/2021 20:05

So you didn’t go, and stood him up?

Clymene · 18/09/2021 20:07

But you were really late Confused

Original poster
Lauralu19 · 18/09/2021 20:08

Well, that’s true, I didn’t turn up either but only because he changed it to 5 or 6 so I had no idea which time it would be and then he didn’t let me know! Seems like he wasn’t that interested in going ahead with it

OP posts:
Hellotoallmyfans · 18/09/2021 20:08

He's married or already in a relationship and couldn't get away.

Dump and move on -any man who does that isn't that interested. You will meet someone better.

DrSbaitso · 18/09/2021 20:09

Neither of you sound keen to lock it down. He didn't confirm during the day and then was wishy washy and uncertain about the time despite it being arranged already, then you said you weren't going to leave until he did.

StarCourt · 18/09/2021 20:10

In my experience I'm afraid it only gets harder to meet somebody decent. I've been a single parent 9 years since DD was 3 and I haven't managed it.

MuthaFunka61 · 18/09/2021 20:12

Sometimes communication is so convoluted that it's not worth putting any further effort in,especially so early on.
I've let a potential date go for very similar reasons today.

Clear communication is key in a healthy relationship.

SalmonEile · 18/09/2021 20:12

When you text him to see what was happening what did you say ?

WoozySnoozy · 18/09/2021 20:12

Got ready anyway and I said let me know when you’re going to set off and be there

What time did you text him this? Was he already on his way?!

WoozySnoozy · 18/09/2021 20:13

I thought I’m not wasting my time going in case he doesn’t turn up he was possibly thinking the same?

Original poster
Lauralu19 · 18/09/2021 20:13

@StarCourt that’s what I’m thinking. Tbh I would much rather be single than with somebody that isn’t a decent person but it is a bit disheartening sometimes.

He has just text me asking if I want to meet Monday. Not sure what to say after that

OP posts:
LizzieMacQueen · 18/09/2021 20:15

Say yes but make an absolute concrete time to meet. Say you need to know so you can make arrangements for your DD.

HugeAckmansWife · 18/09/2021 20:16

I disagree that you automatically won't meet someone. I'm an sp to 2 primary kids and met my dp on match 5 years ago. We mostly go out or away together when kids are with ex, eow. No plans to blend families or do a step parent thing. I'm happy with that. I guess if you want 'more', the whole shebang that might be harder to find but what you described is just standard dating malarkey. They'll be time wasters and idiots of course, but it's up to you how much you're prepared to wade through. I actually enjoyed OLD and had mostly v positive experiences

Akire · 18/09/2021 20:16

Not setting a time is bit of red flag, makes it sound like it’s a casual friend meeting that either can call off. Everyone knows first dates are far more of big deal. He could just be scatty but he could have got a better offer. Your call this situation, could met him once and give him benefit of doubt and maybe he’s wasn’t assertive enough push a definite time. Can you call him and ask what happened? He must have known you had sort childcare and that makes things more complicated.

Original poster
Lauralu19 · 18/09/2021 20:17

@SalmonEile I just said are you still ok for today and to confirm the time

@WoozySnoozy that’s true, maybe he was thinking the same, I’m not sure why he didn’t let me know though, I don’t think he will of set off because I text him a few hours in advance and he lives closer to me to the pub.

Also I forgot to mention. He is actually 12 years older than me. 35. I’m 23, so I know plenty of time to meet someone I just don’t think it will happen

OP posts:
Yummymummy2020 · 18/09/2021 20:18

That’s so crap. He sounds like a bit of a flake. A few people I know have had a lot of trouble like this also.

Original poster
Lauralu19 · 18/09/2021 20:20

That meant to say he lives closer to the pub than I do

OP posts:
Original poster
Lauralu19 · 18/09/2021 20:22

His excuse just now on text is that he didn’t want to rush me. I have no idea what that even means!

OP posts:
TheFoundations · 18/09/2021 20:24

[quote Lauralu19]@StarCourt that’s what I’m thinking. Tbh I would much rather be single than with somebody that isn’t a decent person but it is a bit disheartening sometimes.

He has just text me asking if I want to meet Monday. Not sure what to say after that[/quote]
How about 'no'? You're having to post online about your relationship before it's even a relationship. Maybe the reason you keep getting let down is because you don't say no after somebody pisses you off, and so you're essentially buying into spending time with people who have form for pissing you off?

Almost everybody you (or anybody else) date will not be the right person for them. Either everybody will be the wrong person, or 1 person will be the right person. Filter them. Filter filter filter. No is a good thing. Somebody showing you they're not right for you right at the start is a good thing. Practice 'No'ing: it's good for you.

DrSbaitso · 18/09/2021 20:25

@Lauralu19

His excuse just now on text is that he didn’t want to rush me. I have no idea what that even means!
Oh, throw him back in. He's a liar or a wimp.
SunbathingDragon · 18/09/2021 20:26

Am I right in thinking that you agreed a date and time but then a few hours beforehand you messaged him to see if it was still going ahead and now you are wondering why he was being vague in replying?

Crunchymum · 18/09/2021 20:27

You are 23, with a 2 year old? What is the hurry?

rawhidebone · 18/09/2021 20:28

Why do people think she was being vague? She wasn't? She asked what time and then when he was vague she said let me know, so that she could set off. And then he binned it.

OP, I understand exactly how you are feeling. It is so frustrating arranging precious child care for no reason.

WoozySnoozy · 18/09/2021 20:30

@Lauralu19

His excuse just now on text is that he didn’t want to rush me. I have no idea what that even means!
Weird.
Swipe left for the next trending thread