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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why does this keep happening to me!

76 replies

Lauralu19 · 18/09/2021 20:03

Aibu in thinking I will never ever meet somebody. I’m a single parent, my daughter is 2. I’ve not had any luck in dating or meeting somebody, which tbh I would like to, have a feeling it’s never going to happen though.

The reason I’m posting this is I’ve been speaking to somebody for a little while and we planned a date today, 6pm. This was planned on Thursday so enough time to let me know if anything changed. Just casual at the pub for food. Arranged for my mum to have DD for the night. I Was looking forward to it. I was having to drive about half an hour to get there and because I hadn’t heard from him for a few hours I text to see what was happening. He said ‘can just meet there at 5 or 6pm’ which isn’t helpful in itself. Got ready anyway and I said let me know when you’re going to set off and be there. Heard nothing. Tried calling him no answer. I thought I’m not wasting my time going in case he doesn’t turn up but gave him more than enough time to let me know either way, anyway it got to 6:30pm and he text me saying ‘can just meet another day next week if you’re not busy’ I really don’t understand! I’m glad I didn’t just turn up to be stood up

OP posts:
Original poster
Lauralu19 · 18/09/2021 20:30

@SunbathingDragon yeah basically as he never got back to me to confirm and not straight to the point

He has just now said that he thinks ‘I seem too good for him and thinks it’s ‘too could be to be true’ I have no idea where all this is coming from, think it’s just an excuse!

OP posts:
Original poster
Lauralu19 · 18/09/2021 20:31

I think he’s just saying things to try and get out of it tbh

OP posts:
ineedsun · 18/09/2021 20:33

23 and you think you’ll never meet anyone? You’re in your prime!

If he’s 35, he would be lucky to have you and he’s taking you for granted like this already he doesn’t deserve you. Fuck him off and move on.

SunbathingDragon · 18/09/2021 20:34

[quote Lauralu19]@SunbathingDragon yeah basically as he never got back to me to confirm and not straight to the point

He has just now said that he thinks ‘I seem too good for him and thinks it’s ‘too could be to be true’ I have no idea where all this is coming from, think it’s just an excuse![/quote]
Oh I see. I thought you had confirmed it and then wondered if you messaging you double check made him think you weren’t so keen or else something had come up.

Neither of you sound overly invested in anything so I would either go along on Monday and see how you feel then or else it call it a day and move on.

MushMonster · 18/09/2021 20:35

I think this one is not taking off at all! just let it go.
None of you was any keen on actually meeting up, at all. You were both equally flaky.
There is one thing that puts me off these things. Agree something, place and date. Then they text or call to confirm. I get put off by that big deal. When I agree something, I do it, without thinking further. I do not like hesitant people a bit, and this last hour texting screams to me of "I do not really want to go".

Freddiefox · 18/09/2021 20:37

I just wouldn’t bother with op, he’s already messed you around. Move on

Singleparentstruggles · 18/09/2021 20:38

You're 23..not 73..don't put pressure on yourself. I'm 36 and a single parent.. Actually a lone parent. DD literally only has me.. I've been single 18 months and I'm at a point now where I'm so happy being by myself. I don't need a man to make me happy and validate me. But I never say never. You have all the time ahead of you..
FWIW I would give him another chance and meet him on Monday and lock down a concrete time. Just don't put the pressure on yourself.

BrilliantBetty · 18/09/2021 20:44

Did he get the idea you weren't keen to meet today?

TheChip · 18/09/2021 20:49

[quote Lauralu19]@SunbathingDragon yeah basically as he never got back to me to confirm and not straight to the point

He has just now said that he thinks ‘I seem too good for him and thinks it’s ‘too could be to be true’ I have no idea where all this is coming from, think it’s just an excuse![/quote]
Yes you are.

HOW can he say that without even meeting you? Honestly, whether this is him trying to get out of meeting you, or some kind of mind fuckery gaming playing, you need to let this one go. He's done you a favour and filtered himself out.

Clymene · 18/09/2021 20:50

He's 35? Don't bother.

That said, you're only 23. Enough with the melodrama

KikoLemons · 18/09/2021 20:52

You arranged 6pm. I wd have expected to meet at 6pm. You texted to ask if he was still going ahead - why??? He then thought for some reason you were changing things/ unsure so said 5 or 6 - either is fine. (Maybe he thought you were leaving early and worried about sitting on your own). You then asked him to text again????? You called. (He might have been in the shower) You then stood him up, having texted and called about a date that was fixed (time, place, activity).

(If I were him I'd think you were too much like hard work)

Original poster
Lauralu19 · 18/09/2021 20:53

Yes 35 and I’ve actually just learn that he still lives at home and he’s offered to ‘come over to mine now if I want him too’ so thinking maybe a user too

OP posts:
OnwardsAndSideways1 · 18/09/2021 20:58

I don't see what you did wrong, you arranged a date for 6pm. You then texted him on the day to check it was going ahead, got a vague could be or 6 message so sensibly said can you let me know when you set off then, which he didn't, then he didn't contact you at all til at 6.30 said he wasn't there....

Now he's giving a crap load of excuses about why he didn't follow through and trying to arrange for a day which doesn't work for you. I wouldn't bother myself, and at 35 if he's living at home, and you are 23, I would just ditch and go elsewhere,

All this 'you are too good for me' stuff is designed to make you feel guilt and hook you in, when in fact, you are the one that agreed to it, checked, got a babysitter and was ready to turn up on time if and when he'd let you know when that is....

Clymene · 18/09/2021 20:59

@Lauralu19

Yes 35 and I’ve actually just learn that he still lives at home and he’s offered to ‘come over to mine now if I want him too’ so thinking maybe a user too
He still lives at home? OMG you really have had a lucky escape. You're a young woman with responsibility and he's an overgrown child. You don't need that.
TheChip · 18/09/2021 21:00

Red flag that he's asking to come to your home. Maybe this was his plan all along. Its clear that the "you're too good for me" is mind fuckery. Block block block.

Original poster
Lauralu19 · 18/09/2021 21:07

We were just chatting about it as he said do you have your own place, I said yes, you? And he said he didn’t want to seem like an idiot but no and that he’s living at his parents, said he used to live alone but not anymore. Then he said about coming over to mine now. I’m thinking maybe this was his plan, so that he knew my daughter would be at my mums and that he thinks I will just let him come over despite not even having a first date !

OP posts:
nyktipolos · 18/09/2021 21:09

I just wouldn't be bothered.

But when he said '5 or 6' did you reply something like '6pm works for me'.

Can't work out if he was being vague or letting you know what's works for him but giving you final say on actually what time.

But the 'shall I come over now' would put me right off.

TheFoundations · 18/09/2021 21:20

You're still communicating with him, and commenting on a thread that's all about him. What a waste of your time, surely?

beastlyslumber · 18/09/2021 21:20

Just block him. What a dick!

You're 23 - there will be a lovely man for you out there and plenty of time to meet him. Don't despair!

LizzieMacQueen · 18/09/2021 21:22

Booty call then? Naw, bin him off.

Clymene · 18/09/2021 21:24

Just block him Confused

pelosi · 18/09/2021 21:27

Urgh. Dump and block!

You had a lucky escape it seems.

WhoIsPepeSilva · 18/09/2021 21:30

@Hellotoallmyfans

He's married or already in a relationship and couldn't get away.

Dump and move on -any man who does that isn't that interested. You will meet someone better.

This ^
WhoIsPepeSilva · 18/09/2021 21:33

@Lauralu19

We were just chatting about it as he said do you have your own place, I said yes, you? And he said he didn’t want to seem like an idiot but no and that he’s living at his parents, said he used to live alone but not anymore. Then he said about coming over to mine now. I’m thinking maybe this was his plan, so that he knew my daughter would be at my mums and that he thinks I will just let him come over despite not even having a first date !
Red flags waving all over the place! Do not let him come round!

Try the freedom program Flowers your boundaries are not too great I'm afraid and he's a twat love!

StarCourt · 18/09/2021 21:45

@op he just seems like a huge amount of work before you've even met