To Think DD Should Ask...

[SingingInTheShithouse]

Before taking food to cook for herself?

Genuine AIBU as her attitude towards me stinks in general & I'm not sure if I'm reacting to that more so.

She's almost 19, at college & we are more than happy to feed her, but I just think she needs to ask before helping herself to items I might already have ear marked for meals.

Just watched her pick up a chunk of ginger root, to which I asked her if she could use the dry spice, as I bought that for a reason... cue angry hissy fit, asking how much she needed as maybe I could spare a little, had her scream hysterically & throw the ginger across the kitchen & a huge passive aggressive outburst about how she's been spoken to like dirt for feeding herself & made to feel unwelcome... erm nope, that didn't just happen

Surely it's just common sense & good manners to ask. She always used to, but suddenly feels she doesn't need too

Thank you

I dont think YABU.

If you've bought a bit of ginger that's the right size for a curry for example and he just takes it, then you can't make a curry. Or you can but it will be missing a vital fresh ingredient. It's a bit of ginger for her but it's a ruined meal or a last minute extra dash to the shops for you. It makes sense for her to check.

It's not acceptable to use something that's almost run out or that isnt a 'staple' without checking and it's not acceptable to shout and throw things or exaggerate.

To people saying that the OP should tell her everything that is earmarked for a meal, are you seriously expecting the OP to tell her daughter everything she is going to use for every meal for the entire shopping period, usually a week, that would ruin a meal if it was left out?

Either she checks or surely if she is planning and cooking different food, she is welcome to buy her own and have a shelf in the fridge? or she asks you to add specifics to the weekly shopping list that is fine for her to use

Surely at 19 she buys her own food?
Why are you putting up with her attitude?

@Thadhiya

Anyone of adult age who screamed and threw things in my house wouldn't live there much longer.

It's perfectly normal to buy ingredients for a meal and then check, before you chop them, if it's for anything, and to ask people to use alternatives.

After that outburst I'd be suggesting she find a houseshare.

This.

She needs firmly putting in her place OP.

Why are you accepting this?

It is very normal to check with the main cook before cooking a separate meal.

She needs a reality check.

@Mymapuddlington

Surely at 19 she buys her own food? Why are you putting up with her attitude?

Why? she is at college? My teens are at college and would never dream of asking them to buy their own food!!

@Creamsoda77
I paid my parents rent from 12 years old and was kicked out at 16 so I admit my views on older teenagers may be a bit skewed

Why are you accepting this?

I haven't, there was consequences for her refusal to apologise. See my update

There are also reasons for her behaviour & goadiness. Not ideal by far & it isn't ever just accepted, but neither is it as straightforward as just bad behaviour

& yes, she's at college, so we wouldn't dream of expecting her to buy her own food

[quote Mymapuddlington]@Creamsoda77
I paid my parents rent from 12 years old and was kicked out at 16 so I admit my views on older teenagers may be a bit skewed[/quote]
ekkkk thats not right, and not normal !

@Creamsoda77

Really? Ok I’ll stop posting on things I clearly have no clue about 🙈 I did find it odd as an adult when mum said she’d claimed child benefit for me until I was 18 even though I wasn’t there and had been paying £10 a week from 12 when I had to get a weekend job 🤔

Its ok, i was shocked to read your post, its not right xxx