Emma Raducanu's smile

[EinAugenblickBitte]

So given the discourse on here in recent months regarding women being told by men to "smile" or "cheer up", amongst other things, AIBU to suggest that this article hits the nail on the head?

Which article sorry?

Oooops sorry!! Article attached! It's been a long week! www.independent.co.uk/voices/emma-raducanu-smile-man-sexism-b1921189.html?amp

I used to work behind a bar and the amount of times I got told to smile or cheer up was so annoying. I was cheerful but it was like I could not let my smile drop at all.

When I man said it to me in the street once my grandma has just died. I actually screamed at him that he has no right to tell me to smile and actually my grandma had just died.
He backed away and said “i only said it because it would light up your pretty face for me”
I told him to fuck off

Omg Poppy's his response to your reply that your grandma had just died was awful. Just thinking of his own gratification. The older I get the more I see the patriarchy in motion every single day. Once you've realised it you cannot unsee it. I used to get told routinely when I was younger to "cheer up, it might never happen" and I actually used to think they had a point and that I should always be smiling. It is utter sexism because the same men would never dream of saying to another man "smile mate, it might never happen". Makes me seethe tbh

When I get told to ‘smile love..’ I raise an eyebrow and hiss…scares the utter shit outta them.

"In a study of 583 college students, 95 per cent of women were told/asked to smile, compared to 77.5 per cent of men. Additionally, 67.5 per cent of men told/asked another to smile, compared to only 48.5 per cent of women."

I'm surprised such a high percentage (77.5%) of men have been asked to smile at some point, I thought it was only just asked of women. And almost half of women (48.5%) have asked someone to smile at one point, again higher than I would have thought.

@EinAugenblickBitte

Omg Poppy's his response to your reply that your grandma had just died was awful. Just thinking of his own gratification. The older I get the more I see the patriarchy in motion every single day. Once you've realised it you cannot unsee it. I used to get told routinely when I was younger to "cheer up, it might never happen" and I actually used to think they had a point and that I should always be smiling. It is utter sexism because the same men would never dream of saying to another man "smile mate, it might never happen". Makes me seethe tbh

Your link states that 77.5% of men have been told to smile. While it’s not as high a percentage as women, it does refute what you say at the end of your post.

Good article, thanks for sharing.

I agree with every word.

Bloody love Emma Raducanu, she exudes such joy and energy.

I've never had the guts to do this, but when they tell me to smile, I wish I had the nerve and the acting ability to suddenly start screaming at them. Just instantly switch to wide popping serial killer eyes and expression, go at them and start screaming "aaaaaaaaaaah!" like something out of a horror film.

patriarchy in motion every single day. Once you've realised it you cannot unsee it.

Omg so true. I am 50 and feel like it’s everywhere I look. Yesterday I was mansplained at work for an hour and wanted to punch the guy. Anyone got a professional reinsert that doesn’t get you sacked!

*Response

Thats the good thing about middle age. No one tells you to smile because no one notices you. I can walk about with a face like a skelpt arse and no one cares. When i was young and pretty i got the 'smile' bit a lot. Grrrrr.
Anyway i love Emma. Such a great girl.

But i know men get it too, my ds did.
Its not relevant , but men get shit too. Theres loads of decent men out there being put down all the time and its not done to talk about it. Adverts are shit for it, theres a new amazon prime advert about rapunzel, where she says who cares about the Prince anyway, if this was reversed women would be up in arms. But because shes slagging off men, its funny, or meant to be.
And i hate the word mansplaining. Its pathetic. If you cant hold your own and let a man or a woman know not to patronize you then you need to learn.

I think it has something to do with the fact that she is only 18. She just left school, she’s overjoyed at her (completely unexpected) success at the US open and is wearing that on her face. She has literally only just finished being a school child. I wouldn’t expect the same coverage if she had been 28 instead of 18 and I do think that her age is a big factor. In a nice way - childlike joy and innocence, pure happiness.

I do agree the cheer up love/smile stuff is idiotic and have had it said to me.

Sdd it’s called mansplaining because women rarely do it. It is something men do a lot. If you haven’t been at the end ofIt, you are lucky.

And you are right about men getting crap too, my white heterosexual son gets pissed off at how he is supposed to feel guilty all the time. But wrong is wrong either way, you have to fight it.

And do tell me what to say to the patronising boss, please.....

So women dont patronize people, dont explain the bloody obvious? Really???
Dont be ridiculous

YANBU. I’m sick of women being told to act as though we’re public decorations instead of human beings.

I think it depends on the context, my ds would say that he has been asked to smile, yes by me because I am taking your photo on holiday and want to look back and think that you might have enjoyed it. My daughter saying she has been asked to smile would probably think yes when those builders/ men in the van/ boys from other school shout at her while in school uniform walking home from school. Very different scenarios yet both might say they have been asked to smile.

Whilst I understand Serena Williams might get bored being asked to smile for the camera after just flinging herself around the tennis court, I don't think it is necessarily wrong, especially if a male tennis player would also be asked to smile if posing with a trophy.

Ugh,

Everyone loves to see people take joy in what they do.

Radacanu will probably be worth £100 within 5 years. My smile would be pretty broad in that situation.

Tsitsipas, if he could actually win anything, would be treated the same.

Tennis is entertainment as well as sport. Seeing someone looking in agony every time they walk on a court is just not fun.

On holiday in Thailand a couple of years ago a tailor touting for business outside his shop told my DH to smile. Fuck me, he was apoplectic, it was actually hilarious to see how angry he was. He was astounded when I told him it was a regular thing for women, kept saying “what, complete strangers just come up to you and say smile, why have you never mentioned it?” He still talks about it incredulously to this day.

And sometimes putting up with shit from your boss is just life. Ive had it with male and female bosses. You either ignore it or ask them to stop it. If you can. But pretending its all male bosses who do this is plain daft.

See you seem very angry.

I asked you for a reasonable response to my boss but you can’t come up with one either. Don’t tell me I am ridiculous. You sound pretty patronising yourself.

I don’t think any woman would tell a man in the street to smile or ‘cheer up love’. Can you imagine it? It comes from an assumption that men are there to tell women how to be in the world to make themselves feel better.

I agree though that white men are being made to feel they have something to be ashamed about, just by living and breathing. I have two sons who are really good people, and I see the effect of that on their sense of self worth. We have to be careful we aren’t complicit in a bullying culture of a different sort.

Ssd did you vote that op was being unreasonable too?

I find it difficult to believe that 77% of men have been asked by a random stranger to smile, and definitely not in a regular basis. It doesn't reference the study though to see what questions they asked, e.g. if it included people in a customer service role at work that might explain it.

I guess it's something that wearing face coverings might help with....