Emma Raducanu's smile

[EinAugenblickBitte]

So given the discourse on here in recent months regarding women being told by men to "smile" or "cheer up", amongst other things, AIBU to suggest that this article hits the nail on the head?

Yeah I have had this a few times mainly from a generation older than me. I do have a resting face which doesnt exude friendliness. I try not to get offended but definitely dont smile just to please them.

Smile solicitation – or asking someone else to smile – is based in social dominance theory, where one group has more power and privilege than the other, and can therefore impose expectations on them. Much of this is also rooted in the belief that women’s bodies are not their own, which means that they are not allowed to make decisions about their bodies, and that everyone – even strangers – have a right to comment on them and their emotional expressions.

This hits the nail right on the head.

So women dont patronize people, dont explain the bloody obvious? Really???
Dont be ridiculous

@ssd Broadly speaking, no, women do not attempt to explain to men things that men know more about than they do. My favourite was the one (I think on Mumsnet) where a man told a woman that she was thinking of a tampon when she was actually describing to him something to do with her coil. He got confused because she mentioned the strings hanging down, basically he had no idea what a coil was and instead of listening to her her tried to tell her she was thinking of something else.

@Quarks69

Ssd did you vote that op was being unreasonable too?

No, did you?

The only time ive felt really patronised at work was when a woman i worked with gave me a long lecture on childbirth and the best positions for it. And how to breastfeed and get the baby to latch on. She literally talked for ages. I was having my second baby and kind of knew the score by then. She was younger than me and hadn't had kids but she was still adamant she knew better. Of course ive also worked with men who were know it all gits too. All im saying is, its not just men.

Anyway, to reiterate, i love emma and hope she keeps her brilliant personality throughout all this.

@Quarks69

patriarchy in motion every single day. Once you've realised it you cannot unsee it.

Omg so true. I am 50 and feel like it’s everywhere I look. Yesterday I was mansplained at work for an hour and wanted to punch the guy. Anyone got a professional reinsert that doesn’t get you sacked!

"Can you stop patronising me please Karl"

Worked for me and made everyone else laugh

The thing is, although I bloody hate being told to smile (having one of those fuck-off resting facial expressions) one of the joys of watching Emma Raducanu’s tennis was the way she smiled when doing well. It was simply a pleasure to see a woman at the start of adulthood having such a great time, especially when you consider how hard she will have worked to get there.

Being a cynical old bag in my fifties, I just want the money-grabbing worlds of sports and media to leave her alone now, but no, they’re circling round her like vultures.

I used to work behind a bar and the amount of times I got told to smile or cheer up was so annoying
Yep I started to act confused and say ' why , what's happening' .
Once someone said it to me the day after our friend had died in a car crash when we were in our teens. I did have the skill or ability to handle older men telling a young woman how to behave but if it happened now I'd bounce him.all the way to the town hall. Prick!

Perhaps a bit sideways to the discussion but this is one of the reasons mask-wearing has been a godsend to me.

Omg so true. I am 50 and feel like it’s everywhere I look. Yesterday I was mansplained at work for an hour and wanted to punch the guy. Anyone got a professional reinsert that doesn’t get you sacked!
I've used
' what makes you think I dont know that?'
' Are you trying to teach me to suck eggs here or what 🤷‍♀️?"
" we were both on the same course weren't we? ( when someone tries to tell me what we both learned at the same time!)
Depends on your work place and your colleagues ( ours is quite sweaty and laid back) 'For fucks sake, here we go again with your bullshit!!' has been said by me maybe once or twice.

Radacanu will probably be worth £100 within 5 years
Shes probably worth more than a 100 quid now!!!
( joking!!!!)

I struggle with this a lot. If I’m not smiling or actively making my face pleasant, men think I’m cranky and ask what’s wrong, tell me to smile etc.
But if I’m smiling it irritates the women I work with who make comments about me smiling all the time like a clown, they think I’m immature if I appear to be happy/ enjoying myself.
So I have to be a robot with no emotions. It’s exhausting. And yes I have told both to get stuffed on occasion.

@notacooldad

Radacanu will probably be worth £100 within 5 years Shes probably worth more than a 100 quid now!!! ( joking!!!!)

She doesn't even care about the money, on the news yesterday she said she hasn't thought of it or checked her online account. Shes a breath of fresh air .

When men have told me to smile, I have told them to fuck off and die. It was the most common retort used by me and my friends.

I tried a new sport out this week. Very much more male dominated but advertising that they wanted more women to play so thought I’d give it a go. It was good fun but hard work, I was focussed on trying my best physically whilst also remembering the rules and how to play. I didn’t want to let down the people who I was playing with who were all a lot more experienced than me so was trying really hard. A member of the other team commented that I looked so serious that he was worried I was going to hit him. It was said sort of jokingly and I jokingly explained about how hard I was having to concentrate. He mentioned it a few other times, all ‘in jest’ and at the end of the game acted like he was scared to shake my hand. I’m pretty confident but this has actually knocked me a bit and I think it’s all centred around the fact that as a female I shouldn’t have been trying my very hardest, and should have been smiley and decorative. V annoying (and annoyed with myself that I let it get to me!).

Teaching my DD to say "I am not a decoration for your life. I will smile if I want to"
Thanks a previous Mumsnet thread on this very topic.

He sounds like a dick @Sandsnake - sorry you experienced that.

I used to be told a lot to 'smile love, it might never happen' when I was younger (mid-40s now so doesn't happen now thankfully!). I used to turn to them with a deadpan face and say, 'how do you know that it hasn't happened already - my gran has just died'.

This was a lie, but as they'd both died years earlier (long before I was born), I didn't feel bad saying it and took great pleasure in seeing the shock on the men's faces & the stutter of them not knowing what to say next. I like to think that it made them think twice before they next told another girl to smile (but that's probably just wishful thinking on my part!).

The thing with Raducanu though is that she does look so absolutely full of joy when she plays and when she wins, that it's hard not to smile along and feel joyful for her and because of her. She shouldn't be judged for her smile or expected to smile, but it's a lot more fun than watching someone who looks miserable (I love Andy Murray but he is hard work to watch and looks so miserable all the time that I do wonder if he actually enjoys what he's doing, whereas Jamie Murray is much easier to watch as he smiles and looks like he's having a good time!)

I think if being mansplained to at work, it's OK to hold up a hand and say something like,

"Can I just stop you there before you go any further because there seems to be a misunderstanding. I am fully conversant with A through to S - that's my daily work experience and area of expertise and I train others on it. If you can update me with T through to Z I would find it really useful. I know I've short-circuited you but I'd hate you to waste any more of your time and my own"

Strike through fail, sorry! And if being mansplained to, never apologise or be the smily one; it's unprofessional.

@Quarks69

Sdd it’s called mansplaining because women rarely do it. It is something men do a lot. If you haven’t been at the end ofIt, you are lucky.

And you are right about men getting crap too, my white heterosexual son gets pissed off at how he is supposed to feel guilty all the time. But wrong is wrong either way, you have to fight it.

And do tell me what to say to the patronising boss, please.....

He's not supposed to feel guilty all the time. This attitude is only held by entitled white men who are butthurt that they no longer get a free pass in life to behave in any way they like with no consequences, and have a bit less privilege than they did before.

No-one is perfect. I'd be surprised if she wins the next slam she's in. She's still got lots to learn.

I'm surprised such a high percentage (77.5%) of men have been asked to smile at some point, I thought it was only just asked of women.

As an apparently perpetually miserable looking bloke it happens all the time. From both sexes but more often other men

@ILoveAllRainbowsx

I loved watching her and think that she is amazing.

But I am concerned that it will put pressure on young girls as most will never be as perfect as her.

I'm sure she isn't perfect, but she comes across as physically and mentally perfect.

If she wasn't physically perfect, it would be easier for young girls to aspire to be her, but with all the existing pressure from social media about looking perfect, I think she will cause young girls more anguish.

Absolutely. I've seen so many posts from here comparing themselves or comparing their DC to her. It's just unfair. Emma is amazing, but she's a one in a million type of person. As you say, it's not just the hard work and skills she's developed (which anyone can aim for), but she's also physically beautiful, which is just good luck. She's also very privileged, with wealthy parents, and has been given lots of opportunities the average person just doesn't get. Even a lot of her personality characteristics like mental strength and resilience came from her upbringing and her parents, and the excellent school she went to.

This isn't taking anything away from her at all, but she's had an enormous amount of luck and privilege on top of her hard work and talent. It's not fair for anyone to think their DC aren't doing well enough if they're not like her!