To ask for your secrets you're taking to the grave

[FuckingFabulous]

Lighthearted, and risk free. Given that this is all anonymous and all that.

When I was fourteen, I was out with my friend after drama club. It was winter and dark and fucking freezing but I was sweating as well as shivering. We were walking to her grandma's house in the next village where I was getting picked up by my stepdad in about an hour. I was quite clearly ill, but my mum had not believed me and sent me to a long day at school. As we were walking, my belly churned and I knew that there was gastric trouble afoot. I excused myself into an innocent looking field for "a wee" but I knew it was not that. Thankfully, there were no street lights at all, so even if someone had come past, they'd not have seen. It was pitch black. My friend kept watch while my bowels evacuated what seemed like water and slime for about five minutes and sweat dripped off my body onto the ground, I can remember how much I was shaking and how I had the weirdest taste of metal in my mouth. When the onslaught ended, I didn't know how to wipe my bum. I took off my school tie, wiped with that and then had no idea what to do so I just discarded it at the scene and shamefully scuttled back to my friend. I was then off school for a week with some kind of horrible intestinal infection.

But the field. The quiet little field I'd chosen to slip over the fence into. It was a graveyard. And I'd relieved myself right next to a war grave. Right before armistice. And left my school tie there. How do I know? Because it was in the school newsletter as a "regrettable incident" and anyone with information as to who the culprit was could report in confidence to the headteacher. I expect the groundskeeper reported it to the school. Even my mum tutted about no respect. Thank god it was over 20 years ago. Nowadays it would have trended with a hashtag and a witch hunt.

And now I have finally told the tale. What's yours?

@petuniabutterworth I loved that!

A few years before my father died, he told me that he only stayed with my mother out of guilt. I'm now NC with her due to years of abuse, but the more shadowy part of me sometimes wants her to know that my dad was thoroughly miserable and longed to leave.

I was working for a well known supermarket as a Xmas temp and had 6am shift starts this was about 10 or so years ago when I was a student. The supermarket told us that we must check that people have receipts to show check out if they have electrical equipment. A group of very large, bulky and threatening looking men were trolleying a large lcd tv where I took the security tags off, I asked for a receipt they were looking and I got distracted when one of them asked if they can buy a bottle of irn Bru seperate so I forgot about the receipt!

Next day before the start of my shift in the staff area, I saw pictures everywhere with these men on to watch out that they were common thieves with their pictures on with the TV all over staff notice boards. No one said anything to me and I kept quiet. Fast forward today, I will tackle them if I was to find myself in the same situation.

@TerribleZebra That has really made me giggle.

I cheated in my GCSE Science exams by scratching all the various equations I’d need for Physics into the sides of my bic biro with a compass point. I’m still quite proud of my ingenuity!

Years ago when I was much younger I bought some prawns for lunch at work and only ate half the pack. I put the rest back in the communal fridge, probably thinking I would have them the next day.

However, the next day was someone's birthday and they brought in a feast for everyone to pick at so the prawns got forgotten about. People put the leftover birthday feast things in front of them in the fridge so they just hung out there, hiding and getting more revolting by the day.
A few weeks later there was a terrible smell from the fridge. I had completely forgotten about the prawns at this point or I would have thrown them out myself. The smell was investigated and my scary line manager found the prawns, now absolutely reeking and making people gag. She disposed of them dramatically, getting angry, using gloves from the first aid kit and lots of plastic bags. The smell was horrendous!

I kept quiet because it was too scary to say they were mine! I really thought I was going to get the sack or something. The bosses tried to find out whose prawns they were and a memo (not email, it was that long ago) went round about respecting colleagues, using the fridge responsibly etc. Eventually, the conclusion was it must have been someone visiting from head office for the day. We got a lot of those and they weren't popular so I got away with it.

Awful behaviour I know but it was such a disgusting smell and people were so angry. I pretended to be disgusted too and no one suspected a thing.
I've felt guilty ever since!

@BlowDryRat

I was about 12 and needed/wanted a bra but was too embarrassed to ask my mum. Instead, I nicked a couple of bras from the changing room at the sports centre.

I told DH that one but my mum still doesn't know.

On my 50th birthday I jokingly told my MUm that I used to write notes excusing me from games when the wind was screeching across the valley, I was good at it, bought proper writing paper and envelopes for the job. Mother was furious, even 30 odd years on.

Before my GCSEs we went to the pub at lunchtime and came back late singing (stand by me" complete with 3 paty harmonies). The school were reasonably furious and wrote to our parents threatening to withdrawal us from our exams. Reader I intercepted the letter and burnt it in the grate before school one morning. Attended all the exams and passed well.

@traumatisednoodle

Before my GCSEs we went to the pub at lunchtime and came back late singing (stand by me" complete with 3 paty harmonies). The school were reasonably furious and wrote to our parents threatening to withdrawal us from our exams. Reader I intercepted the letter and burnt it in the grate before school one morning. Attended all the exams and passed well.

Love your chutzpah and resourcefulness burning the letter

Sssshhhh! Not telling you.

Back in my early 20s I had a lovely long military style winter coat, but some buttons had come loose, fallen off and got lost.

Rather than buy replacement buttons I instead went into the shop (Wallis) which still had the same coats for sale, took one into the changing room to 'try on' and pulled/snipped off the buttons, put the coat back and went on my merry way.

When I was about 11, two classes (so about 60 kids) were squashed into one bus for a school trip. This bus was one that was used for the public, so we had 3 kids to a seat that would usually hold 2 people ordinarily. Me and another girl talked the 3rd girl sitting in our seat into pressing the 'Bus stopping' button that people would press if they wanted the bus to stop at the next the next stop. The horrible teacher started yelling 'Who did that!? whoever it is will be in detention !! etc etc. All 3 of us stared straight ahead and said nothing. Teacher tried to find out a couple of more times but no one said anything so she gave up. Would've been in so much trouble if we'd been caught.

A few years ago at my old house, new next door neighbours moved in - a couple who always ignored us but happily spoke to the other neighbours in the cul de sac.

The postman one day put some of their post through our door. One envelope was from the DVLA and contained snotty neighbour's new driving licence, which rather than putting through their door, went straight into the bin.

I am very sad and very ashamed of the fact that late one night about twelve years ago I drove around twenty miles after a heavy night of drinking. I took a wrong turn and got lost on the way home, and ended up driving on the motorway before eventually making it home.

Possibly one of the stupidest things I've ever done and should not have got away with.

@Highfivemum

I have a few which will go to the grave with me and I can’t even write them ... the only one that is printable is my friend who had an abortion and made me swear not to tell her DH who was so desperate for a child. I was so upset as they were TTC for a year and she fell pregnant but changed her mind and refused to discuss it. I wish she hadn’t told me as they are are still together and are childless. He spoke to my DH a few years back and said sadly we just couldn’t fall pregnant and his DW didint want to go down the IVF route as she was too upset. He would have made a great dad and she denied him that. She took the pill after her abortion all behind his back. I don’t have much to do with her to be honest. Spiteful woman

Wow. I would find it so hard not to tell him.

IT would never ask for a password hmm

Of course they would. It's a workplace, not a bank.

Ex DH never did find out that my visits with our cat to the vet weren't just because she had an ongoing condition...

@notelegant

Ex DH never did find out that my visits with our cat to the vet weren't just because she had an ongoing condition...

Were you shagging the vet? Renting the cat out for some purpose? I must know

@notelegant

I am very sad and very ashamed of the fact that late one night about twelve years ago I drove around twenty miles after a heavy night of drinking. I took a wrong turn and got lost on the way home, and ended up driving on the motorway before eventually making it home.

Possibly one of the stupidest things I've ever done and should not have got away with.

This is absolutely awful. In a thread of shameful behaviour, this is by far the worst.

Ex DH never did find out that my visits with our cat to the vet weren't just because she had an ongoing condition...

OMG, The poor cat!

@BoreiPuriHagafen I really am not proud of myself for my extremely stupid and dangerous act. But what can I do about it all these years later? Go to the police and tell them? Or live with it knowing that I've never done anything like it since?

This one bothers me a bit. Acting "creepy and stalkerish" towards a young woman in order to get revenge on a mate is a bit off. But I guess you were very immature at the time suetully and don't use women in that
way now

oh ffs I was a kid and so was she, this was about 20 years ago. She wasn't even ''a young woman'', and I was only a schoolboy at the time. We were about 16 and I just asked her on a date. I see much worse thigs women did to men on mn when they were adults and you don't rebuke that.
I don't get why people click on a thread like this to rebuke others when they know many of the confessions are going to be ''a bit off.''

[quote notelegant]@BoreiPuriHagafen I really am not proud of myself for my extremely stupid and dangerous act. But what can I do about it all these years later? Go to the police and tell them? Or live with it knowing that I've never done anything like it since?[/quote]
In your position I think I would have permanently quit either drinking or driving or both.

driving twenty miles on a motorway after heavy drinking doesn't happen by accident.

In a previous job I used to throw my used tampons directly in the bin inside the loo, it didn’t occur to me to wrap them in toilet paper as that seemed wasteful to me.
The cleaning lady and I were quite close and she complained to me that ‘some just throw their used tampons in the bin directly, it’s utterly disgusting’ and she hated changing the bin liner at the ladies toilet because of these inconsiderate women.
I didn’t dare to admit that it was me or I had been one of ‘them’ so I just nodded and said it was disgusting. I didn’t want to be responsible for upsetting her more so wrapped them in toilet paper from that moment.

@LaBellina

In a previous job I used to throw my used tampons directly in the bin inside the loo, it didn’t occur to me to wrap them in toilet paper as that seemed wasteful to me. The cleaning lady and I were quite close and she complained to me that ‘some just throw their used tampons in the bin directly, it’s utterly disgusting’ and she hated changing the bin liner at the ladies toilet because of these inconsiderate women. I didn’t dare to admit that it was me or I had been one of ‘them’ so I just nodded and said it was disgusting. I didn’t want to be responsible for upsetting her more so wrapped them in toilet paper from that moment.

I'd have had to keep doing it so she didn't suspect it was me as a result of the conversation!