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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Applying for a new job while pregnant

298 replies

Traveller3367 · 16/09/2021 20:11

7 months pregnant
Saw a job that I thought I would be good at
Applied without mentioning I was pregnant
Been offered the role and have informed employer I am pregnant and due to go on mat leave soon
They will see if they can get cover but I have offered to decline the position if they cannot.
My question is was I being unreasonable in applying in the first place?
(Ps I wasn't hiding my pregnancy. I didn't know when was best to mention it. Didn't want employer to think I was using it against them if they declined me. Also I valued the chance to network and get some interview practice. Was not expecting to get the role as a big jump for me career wise)

OP posts:
frozenyoghurt4 · 16/09/2021 23:40

Here's an alternative view that might give you pause:

I was not pregnant or trying and denied a payrise by my small company employer because they thought I was a risk because I might get pregnant, because of my gender, age and relationship status (in long term settled relationship).

How do I know I was denied a payrise for this reason? My boss stupidly blurted it out directly at a company social saying I was too high risk. Of what? Getting pregnant. Said directly!

I was too afraid to try and sue the company even though I knew this was completely illegal because it would drag my name through the dirt, I was very junior and it would just mean I'd probably never be able to get a job again while their rich lawyers would win any case.

Why am I saying this?
Pregnancy discrimination is a complete outrage and you should be disgusted by it. It's a slippery slope to go from "won't employ someone 7 months pregnant" to "won't employ someone trying to conceive" to "prefer not to employ someone female".

It's 100% reasonable to compare a man expecting a baby in a month and a woman expecting a baby in a month and asking if you would hire either. The answer should be "yes" in both cases.

Employers who refuse are the reason the laws are there because of this caveman level discrimination against women who want to procreate.

frozenyoghurt4 · 16/09/2021 23:42

Or should women who want to procreate be forced to stay in jobs they hate for 2-10 years while they do so and potentially ruin their careers, because they're not allowed to get a new job on that time? While men do whatever's best for themselves and progress?

Don't you see where this kind of thinking leads... It's not a good place for women, and therefore by extension, for society.

Traveller3367 · 17/09/2021 00:56

What an interesting discussion
@frozenyoghurt4 I think this is why I applied for the role despite being so heavily pregnant as I wanted to challenge these misogynistic views that have become so entrenched
As a PP said earlier, we've been conditioned to feel this way (re the guilt)
Glad I applied for the role and glad I posted this as it's shocking how many people have negative views and would discriminate.
Clearly women's rights still have a long way to go

OP posts:
QueenBee52 · 17/09/2021 01:41

@Traveller3367

What an interesting discussion *@frozenyoghurt4* I think this is why I applied for the role despite being so heavily pregnant as I wanted to challenge these misogynistic views that have become so entrenched As a PP said earlier, we've been conditioned to feel this way (re the guilt) Glad I applied for the role and glad I posted this as it's shocking how many people have negative views and would discriminate. Clearly women's rights still have a long way to go

So you don't want the job ? it was just to prove a point ?

okaaaay 👀

CurzonDax · 17/09/2021 01:47

OP - I'm not quite in the same situation, but this is something that has been playing on my mind for a while.

I've been TTC for a year now, and hated my previous role (I kept going, as I was hoping to be able to fall pregnant, leave on maternity and then look for a new role to start when my maternity leave finished. Great plan in an ideal world ...).

Few months back I decides to start looking for a new job. It's taking me a long time to conceive, and I realised I couldn't put my life for hold, for something that may not happen for many more months/years. When applying for jobs, I was terrified of falling pregnant and having to tell the new job as soon as I started.

Still not pregnant, but started my new role last week. The anxiety of falling pregnant so soon is still at back of my mind (however, I'm not going to put off trying as we do want a baby and are struggling to conceive).

My fears were eased when I met our HR manager learliwr this week - she's currently on maternity leave, and came in for one of her KIT days. During the conversation with her, she mentioned that she'd been the company for a while, and had been offered the promotion to manager whilst pregnant. Her cover (let's call her Person B) is doing a fantastic job, and so has also been offered a permanent position in the company - essentially, person B will now become the HR assistan, but has also been given another role alongside that, so that she can continue in a slightly managerial position, and with her current pay. Person B has been offered this permanent position whilst being 6 months pregnant herself.

YANBU - companies will manage to continue without you for a few months, whilst you take your maternity. No way should a woman ever be penalised from a new role/promotion, due to her pregnancy, if they are the right person for the job. If someone ever is - this is discrimination.

twinningatlife · 17/09/2021 01:54

I wanted to challenge these misogynistic views that have become so entrenched

Of course you did 🤔

You also said you applied to get some networking done and "interview practice" don't try and badge this up as some women's rights crusade

fuzzymoomin · 17/09/2021 01:57

I was totally in support of you and your new job until I read this in your update

I started a new job 2 weeks ago and they were happy to hire me. Including when I told them I planned to have more babies asap.

Seriously? Hmm

Traveller3367 · 17/09/2021 01:59

Haha for those questioning my motivation for applying, yes of course I wanted the actual role.
But clearly with the knowledge of narrow minded views like those expressed here, I knew I was challenging the norm and unlikely to get the position therefore I was trying to maximise this as a networking opportunity at the least and an actual job at its best!

OP posts:
Traveller3367 · 17/09/2021 02:01

@fuzzymoomin
No word of lie!
I think it helps that I'm highly highly specialised field where there is a recruitment crisis.
It's a field the country could not survive without

OP posts:
Traveller3367 · 17/09/2021 02:03

@QueenBee52
Of course I want the job
I'm far too busy working and looking after a toddler, oh and being pregnant, to apply for roles I don't want just to prove a point Grin
But I do hope others see me and are motivated not to let their pregnancy hold back their careers

OP posts:
Traveller3367 · 17/09/2021 02:07

@CurzonDax Your point is absolutely right. I hope my situation I spires another to pursue their goals. No woman should put off applying due to pregnancy. That's why the law is there to protect, despite the vitriol expressed on here by some. Shocking as you'd think MUMSnet would advocate for mums and not the opposite

OP posts:
Traveller3367 · 17/09/2021 02:14

For those curious
I've worked really hard for the past 10 years to get become fully experienced and qualified in my field. I'm currently undertaking a master's and was doing so during my first maternity leave when I was headhunted into a managerial position part time. Through my work at that position I was offered another role (the one that was happy to hire me despite wanting lots of babies).
From my experience and track record thus far I applied for this position which I posted about. Which is part of a much larger organisation and I feel would be a significant stepping stone in my career.
I'm about to head off on my second maternity leave

So I'm not just job hopping. I am very blessed that all my employers thus far have been very flexible in accomodating me. Perhaps that why I sent the application in as thankfully none have expressed the misogynistic views found on this thread. Perhaps if I came across a person with those views then my aspirations would have been stunted for fear of being shamed for being pregnant.
Yes I am highly skilled , hard working and motivated BUT my family comes first. The two are not mutually exclusive. They can coexist in harmony and complement each other :)

Ps a panel member from the interview has contacted me to say my interview went very well and they'd be happy to work around my pregnancy needs. Thank God for employers like them Grin

OP posts:
CecilyP · 17/09/2021 02:29

Traveller3367
Start date next month
I'd be able to work 2 months then hoping 6 months off then back to work

This doesn’t make any sense if you are already 7 months pregnant.

Traveller3367 · 17/09/2021 02:37

@CecilyP
I've been vague with dates intentionally Grin
But yes roughly 2 and a bit months of work before baby comes hopefully

OP posts:
Traveller3367 · 17/09/2021 02:38

Also I count pregnancy as 10 months as 40 weeks is 10 months plus the waiting if you go over dates
I don't understand why it's classed as 9 months as technically 9 months is upto 36 weeks

OP posts:
CecilyP · 17/09/2021 02:44

So assuming you intend to work right up to your due date, you were only about 5.5 months when you applied?

Traveller3367 · 17/09/2021 02:46

@CecilyP
Closer to 7
7.5 by the time role starts
Hoping to work months 8 and 9 uptil delivery

OP posts:
CecilyP · 17/09/2021 02:53

A hope the new job doesn’t require any arithmetical skills! Not just technically, 9 months is 39 weeks (52 x 3/4). You also can’t assume you will be overdue.

Sciurus83 · 17/09/2021 03:00

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Bigballer · 17/09/2021 03:45

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candlelightsatdawn · 17/09/2021 03:53

I'm a hiring manager and I have hired and "shock horror" promoted several heavily pregnant women before because "shockingly" they were best people for the job. The pregnancy and leave is actually only a temporary thing. I would prefer to hire the best and work out a plan for mat leave than have to manage out someone who's just not Brillant out of the business which is wayyyy more effort than hiring temp cover. Glad to see I'm not the only manager that thinks like this.

People who act like this is shocking forget that a job is two way street. A manager has no more power than a candidate and in some cases they have more power than me as they have the freedom of choice if they excel at what they do.

Incidentally I have noticed that on the whole if your a average worker (a not bad but defo not a rock star) being hired while pregnant will seem baffling to you because you simply have never reached the OPs skill level because you have never stood out enough to be hired despite the odds not because of them aka oh she will do.
Good managers aren't interested in hiring in hiring on the "they will do basis"

Also any mum to be I have hired have all been rock stars (maybe baring one which was just a miss match) because they go the extra mile to discounted all of the above wrong and it shows in their productivity, work ethic, loyalty and most importantly the business bottom line .

Managing a average worker actually requires more work my side to get them to their ultimate output, with people who operate at that higher level you can just let them go and run.

Congrats op don't take on other people's issues on this. Not all managers are dumb enough to be this ignorant. There are some but they will be lost out in restructures, and hopefully be retiring soon.

Sciurus83 · 17/09/2021 03:55

Anyone could leave at any time for any reason, or request flexible working. My experience has been that hiring someone pregnant has made them pretty damn loyal and willing to work hard. Worth more in the long run.

dreamygirl25 · 17/09/2021 03:57

Employers know by hiring women there is a chance they will go on maternity leave. In this case, you are going straight away. They won't have to pay you any maternity pay and know you won't be expecting any from them - you will have maternity allowance. They obviously really wanted you. Perhaps they feel it's better than employing someone who immediately gets pregnant, gets trained up and leaves after 8 months. Which also, legally nothing wrong with.

sticktomygun · 17/09/2021 04:42

YABU

Its not about whether you have a right to apply as the law but imo you have a moral obligation to think whether its fair to take up a senior position that you won't even be doing when theres probably 100s of women that could do it.

You're obviously massively privileged that you feel entitled to take up the position in place of someone else (maybe gasp another woman of child bearing age) so you can claim to still be in the industry. You already have a job (which you've not been at long) so its not about need and you're happy to decline so why put do it in the first place?

That's your choice but its harder to defend why women have these rights to knuckle draggers when women are making choices like this which appear like they're getting the best of both worlds. a position and time off.

These laws are there to ensure that women have equal treatment and not be disadvantaged in the job market because they are pregnant women... not so they can gain a competitive edge of over others and network.

You're possibly preventing another women from getting a permanent senior role and you can still claim to be at that level within the org when you won't have done any senior work for over a year which i think is unfair to other women.

I would have hired you because its illegal not to if you're the best candidate but I would question your ethics.

Its lawfully correct that this employer is willing to hire despite the fact you are a pregnant woman but thats not the reality for most women and many of them are still fighting for the right to be taken seriously at work.

This is just the middle class way of playing the system and typical gatekeeping. Working class women never get this level of praise when they have to apply for job while pregnant. You're lucky that you're in a position to do this and I agree with pp who said:

also think those women lower down the hierarchy will be the ones to suffer - companies may be willing to take this sort of risk for someone who has proved their value in the workplace, someone who has networked, who has got a name for turning companies around/winning big contracts etc, but lower paid workers in the same organisations won't, I think, be granted the same. I don't necessarily think it's the issue of being pregnant, but being so close to going off on maternity leave.

The facts are that you're seven months pregnant, you choose not to declare this, you got the job and now will probably work a maximum of 3 months before taking a long break, leaving the work to someone else probably by one of the poor other candidates on temp contract who will have to leave as soon as you come back even though they will have been doing the job longer and will have more experience.

It may not be illegal but its not right imo.

ReeseWitherfork · 17/09/2021 06:19

theres probably 100s of women that could do it

You're obviously massively privileged that you feel entitled to take up the position in place of someone else

I generally get the point of your post. Although I disagree, these two points particularly stick out. They're simply not true (assuming a standard competitive recruitment process). What I do is quite specialised, and there really aren't hundreds of people that could do it, and its possible OPs career is the same, especially if it's senior. Most people who've been in the job market for a fair bit will have quite a unique combination of qualifications and experience.

And she's only being entitled as she's legally allowed to be. She's "entitled" to the job because she applied for it and outperformed her competition. Or maybe there was no real competition and she was head and shoulders above the rest.

Also, suggesting she "chose not to declare it" is clearly incorrect. She hasn't accepted the job let alone started work (which she'd be entitled to!). Sounds like she's having an honest conversation with them about the logistics. Perfectly reasonable IMO.

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