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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that partners comments about his friends wife are inappropriate or am I over reacting

63 replies

minesapinotg · 16/09/2021 19:44

As I am prone to doing .
Partner and I very happy, very close and no reason not to trust each other. His friend for years is lovely , quiet and sensible but is easy to rise. They are always rising each other about one thing or another.
Partner tells me that he was messing with his friend a few days ago after he met his friends wife when he had to collect something at their house. Friend asked him how he got on and My partner told him that he was exhausted after the visit ... tongue in cheek .. and friend slagged him back and reverted back to normal
Chit chat .General fun. Nothing out of the ordinary.
I don't think he should be telling me though !
I know it's fun and there's nothing in it . He was telling me in general chit chat and having gone through a hard time, how friends wife seemed to be in a much better place and smiling again.
Still though... he thought nothing of telling me this and this is the type of messing that they are always at.
AIBU

OP posts:

gibletjane · 16/09/2021 20:11

But you've said you're not worried about any attraction.

gibletjane · 16/09/2021 20:11

are you upset that he told you?

Glssr195726113493 · 16/09/2021 20:12

Kuachui · 16/09/2021 20:12

Massive over reaction he was just telling you the joke.

Original poster

minesapinotg · 16/09/2021 20:12

I'm not but I wondered if It was ok for him to be telling me ! I understand that these fools have their silly banter but I don't want to hear about it. I was replying to your first response@gibletjane . Thanks
Feel like an idiot now

OP posts:

MalagaNights · 16/09/2021 20:15

You have nothing to worry about except having a husband who has no ability for humour.

gibletjane · 16/09/2021 20:16

I'm not but I wondered if It was ok for him to be telling me !

Would you prefer he didn't?

Original poster

minesapinotg · 16/09/2021 20:17

I really don't need to know everything especially that type of shit.

OP posts:

gibletjane · 16/09/2021 20:17

Maybe tell him that then?

ButterflyAway · 16/09/2021 20:18

It’s ok for you to not be happy about him telling you, if it upsets you that’s ok. You can ask him not to share that sort of jokes with you. It’s ok to do that

Original poster

minesapinotg · 16/09/2021 20:19

That's what I will do

OP posts:

Seesawmummadaw · 16/09/2021 20:19

@minesapinotg

He was just telling me the story. No Malice intended

You kind of answered your own question.

iamtheoneandonlyyy · 16/09/2021 20:20

I'd just tell him you don't really like it and you'd rather not hear about it anymore. Hopefully that will be the end of it

Heartofglass12345 · 16/09/2021 20:22

That's a weird thing to say in my opinion....

MiddleClassProblem · 16/09/2021 20:23

@minesapinotg

That's what I will do

I find it odd that you couldn’t figure out telling him you’d prefer not to hear it would be the answer…

Original poster

minesapinotg · 16/09/2021 20:25

I was unsure if I was overreacting. Believe me coming away from an abusive, gaslighting twat leaves its scars no matter how long you've been apart ...

OP posts:

Anonymous48 · 16/09/2021 20:26

What does "easy to rise" mean? Is that another euphemism?

It all sounds incredibly juvenile but completely harmless, unless you have suspicions that you shouldn't trust him completely.

girlmom21 · 16/09/2021 20:27

@Anonymous48

What does "easy to rise" mean? Is that another euphemism?

It all sounds incredibly juvenile but completely harmless, unless you have suspicions that you shouldn't trust him completely.

Easy to rise just means they react impulsively quite quickly, rather than being passive about jokey comments.

FurzeMinister · 16/09/2021 20:27

I'd have thought his reference to being exhausted from the visit had to do with the friend's partner being very sharp and maybe critical, not an insinuation of something sexual, if that's how you interpreted it.

However, if you think it was sexual banter - based on your knowledge of and experience with your partner and his friend(s) - (1) ewwww! and (2) if you're OK with him otherwise despite knowing/assuming that he's a misogynist, then tell him not to repeat specifically misogynist and sexist things to you.

trulyconfuseddotcom · 16/09/2021 20:27

I wonder how it would be if it was reversed - do you think he'd find it hilarious if you made the same joke with a female friend about leaving her husband knackered after you'd popped round (wink wink)? Somehow I suspect not, but perhaps I'm wrong...

Original poster

minesapinotg · 16/09/2021 20:55

I actually
Think he's find that funny . He is a lot more insensitive clearly . We are genuinely very tight but if it comes up again I'm
Going to address it

OP posts:

MaenadsJustWannaHaveFun · 16/09/2021 21:00

I'd say many a true word is spoken in jest.

I don't think it's a normal male comment to make unless all involved are twelve.

MiddleClassProblem · 16/09/2021 21:01

@trulyconfuseddotcom

I do this to DH quite a bit, as does he to me. Especially if it’s about our parents to add a cringe factor. We are not mature but at least we both have each other. And his mum.

Bahhhhhumbug · 16/09/2021 21:03

What l don't get is DH is a 'close friend for years' yet only just met his friends wife and was asked what he thought of her. Surely as close long term friends your DH would know friends wife..... Then you go on to say he said she looked much better, smiling again etc... so did he know her before or not?

WTAFFF · 16/09/2021 21:04

I don’t think this is normal at all. Wouldn’t like it.

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