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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that partners comments about his friends wife are inappropriate or am I over reacting

63 replies

minesapinotg · 16/09/2021 19:44

As I am prone to doing .
Partner and I very happy, very close and no reason not to trust each other. His friend for years is lovely , quiet and sensible but is easy to rise. They are always rising each other about one thing or another.
Partner tells me that he was messing with his friend a few days ago after he met his friends wife when he had to collect something at their house. Friend asked him how he got on and My partner told him that he was exhausted after the visit ... tongue in cheek .. and friend slagged him back and reverted back to normal
Chit chat .General fun. Nothing out of the ordinary.
I don't think he should be telling me though !
I know it's fun and there's nothing in it . He was telling me in general chit chat and having gone through a hard time, how friends wife seemed to be in a much better place and smiling again.
Still though... he thought nothing of telling me this and this is the type of messing that they are always at.
AIBU

OP posts:
ILikeYourHair · 16/09/2021 19:47

I read this twice, and I still don’t understand what was said……

minesapinotg · 16/09/2021 19:48

Sorry!
He said he was exhausted after visiting her... Wink

OP posts:
minesapinotg · 16/09/2021 19:48

Alluding to something physical

OP posts:
gibletjane · 16/09/2021 19:51

but it was banter yes?

iamtheoneandonlyyy · 16/09/2021 19:52

Sounds like a couple of mates being daft.

gibletjane · 16/09/2021 19:52

surely the fact he's telling you shows it's not a big deal?

ILikeYourHair · 16/09/2021 19:54

Oh, okey!

Difficult to say, some people are okey with this kind of ”banter”.
Personally, I hate it, grosses me out.

Is this his usual sense of humour?
What is the dynamic between them three usually?

minesapinotg · 16/09/2021 19:54

Banter yes. Great friends . We all get on well .

OP posts:
DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 16/09/2021 19:56

@ILikeYourHair He joked to his mate he was knackered after shagging her.

OP
He told you about it, during the course of him telling you about the other bits of convo? It depends on how you feel about his style of 'banter'. I would laugh at my colleagues chatting shit like this as it's common in my workplace. If my DH said this to his best mate a) we'd all think he was having an episode b) I'd think it really disrespectful of the friend's wife, and me too.
But if he's always like this and you know he's like this then I don't think you can be super annoyed with it unless he's got mentionitis and can't stop talking about her, or you think he was trying to get a reaction from you.

Do you think he was just trying to show you how impressive his bantz is?!

gibletjane · 16/09/2021 19:56

I mean it's stupid banter but I don't think he meant anything by it.

lioncitygirl · 16/09/2021 19:57

Sorry - you know it’s banter yes, as they have form for it? But your upset? Ok - did you tell him about it? Tbh - is very much depends on the type of relationship you have, is he always like this and are you generally ok with it as you know it’s just silly stuff?

minesapinotg · 16/09/2021 19:57

He was just telling me the story. No Malice intended

OP posts:
DeadGood · 16/09/2021 19:59

OP, your writing style is a bit unusual, it reminds me of my great-aunt’s - are you all getting on a bit? Trying to understand the context and how upset you might be!

minesapinotg · 16/09/2021 19:59

He is so open ... to his detriment at times!!! They are always slagging each other off. It's the nature of his friendship with his friend. No mentionitis

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 16/09/2021 20:00

Surely if you're that close and happy you know this is what his sense of humour is like? I think you're overreacting.

gibletjane · 16/09/2021 20:00

He joked to his mate he was knackered after shagging her.

The men I know who say this would be digging at that the other husband that they aren't satisfying their wife so imo it's not really about her as such.

gibletjane · 16/09/2021 20:01

Are you worried that he's attracted to her?

WomanStanleyWoman · 16/09/2021 20:01

This thread has been done before.

MurielSpriggs · 16/09/2021 20:01

It sounds like you're overreacting to me.

minesapinotg · 16/09/2021 20:02

There's no attraction. We are close and happy but sensitive and I have never posted about this before. I'm
Prone to overreacting for sure !

OP posts:
Porridgealert · 16/09/2021 20:03

Big over-reaction.

IllegibleSquiggles · 16/09/2021 20:04

It sounds monumentally juvenile, like fifteen year olds claiming to have shagged one another's mums on their lunchbreak, or something, but I don't see why your issue is with your partner telling you his 'witty bantz.' I mean, I makes him sound thick, but otherwise...?

gibletjane · 16/09/2021 20:06

I don't understand what you're upset about then?

minesapinotg · 16/09/2021 20:09

Sorry I'm a bit sensitive. Cheating exh etc etc

OP posts:
minesapinotg · 16/09/2021 20:10

@gibletjane ... that's the basis of their banter. Friend is always tired/ working or gets drunk too quickly so that's the nature of the slagging going regarding his wife.

OP posts:
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