Another Dog one

[Softfresh]

Took DD to the park today for a picnic lunch and a play after. I have no problem with dogs personally but DD is absolutely terrified of them.

We sat down at the picnic tables and within the space of 5-10 minutes, 3 different groups of people with 8-10 dogs between them decided it was okay to let their dogs pound up to us, off lead and jump and bark all around us. It's okay though because "they're friendly" why do people think this is okay? I don't mind dogs but I still don't want them jumping all over me when I'm eating lunch!

Every time this happened, I told them that DD was afraid of dogs. The first 2 groups were reasonable enough and took the dogs away after a few jumps and barks at us. DD was on edge by this point but I tried my best to calm her down.

Then a mother and daughter approach with yet another 2 dogs, running around our feet, jumping and barking. I explained that DD was scared so asked if she could move the dog. Of course her dog was friendly and wouldn't harm her by this point DD was practically on top of the table trying to get away from them! The woman then decided to tell DD that her dog gets excited when it sees food so she should hide her sandwiches! Wtf! At this point I had enough and told her sternly to move her dog and let us eat our lunch. I've already told her DD doesn't like dogs, she seemed pretty offended by my sharp tone.

Aibu to expect dog owners to keep their animals under control around people eating lunch? Why do these dog lovers think everyone must love their dogs as much as they do? I had to pack up and take DD elsewhere to eat and she spent the rest of the time completely on edge so our lovely afternoon was ruined by selfish rude people Rant over!

The answer to "but he's friendly" is "I'm not - get him away from me now" with a Paddington stare. My DD is jumpy around dogs because she's 3, and many of them are chest height in comparison to her. It's like you being introduced to an excitable Shetland pony. She needs space to get used to the thing coming towards her because we don't have dogs so she's not used to them. "Being friendly" doesn't cut it.

I'm surprised you didn't mention there were signs saying dogs should be on lead in you first posts considering that's the most relevant bit of info. Sorry, call me cynical but I can't help wondering whether that really is the case, especially if that many dogs happened not to be in such a short time.

I'm also a bit dubious that the dogs were that close to you jumping and barking as that's very unusual behaviour. Coming close to smell the food, yes. Ju.ling and barking, no, unless you started shooing them away aggressively.

In any case, if it is really true that the area is clearly stated as dogs on lead, the dog owners were totally in the wrong.

And the number of dogs who are treated like children, and then act accordingly
Honestly, what business it is of yours to judge?

I don't agree with the way some mum dress their babies to look like older children, or pierce their ears when very little, but that's none of my business and it's up to them how they treat their baby. If some people want to treat their dog like kids, who are you to consider this wrong?

@vivainsomnia I’m with you, I think there’s deffo a measure of exaggeration in the original post. We’re in a neighbourhood with a lot of parks and a lot of dogs and a lot of schools, kids etc and I’ve yet to witness so appalling behaviour en masse from dogs/dog owners…

‘ I hate people who say you should work on your child's fear.’

Why? Why on earth would you not given that dogs are a common occurrence that the child will see daily? Is it better just to leave her terrified of all dogs, let her grow up into an adult who’s afraid of dogs, and then pass that fear on to her own kids one day??
It’s one of those ‘life skills’ that adults need to teach their kids - how to be around dogs, how to be wary but not afraid etc.
If I had a kid afraid of the dark I would help them with that fear - I wouldn’t just leave them to it then rant everytime they We’re in a situation where lights are off.

You're not unreasonable at all. I never have dogs on lead around humans as dogs aren't interested. I do have to put them on leads for other irresponsible dog owners who let their dogs run riot as mine don't like other dogs. I do sometimes have issues with kids wanting to cuddle or clap them and that's a pain. Moral of the story is train dogs and kids!

I hate people who say you should work on your child's fear.

^I don’t understand this at all. My DDs used to be afraid of dogs, but I did all I could to help them get used to them. Why? Because they have cousins and friends who have dogs. (We don’t have a dog ourselves, as I’m a cat owner and my DH is allergic.)

Surely the majority of children have friends or family members with dogs? Would you want them to miss out on parties or play dates because they’re afraid of dogs?

I’m not saying that this lets irresponsible dog owners off the hook.

The signs regarding dogs on a leash is the norm in play parks and picnic areas where I live. I assumed it was like this everywhere unless it's a dog friendly park where I assume there is signs stating that?

Exaggeration of people allowing their dogs off leads in a park? I don't see what's so obscene about it? The first 2 group's of people happily moved their dogs away when asked, it was the last pair that decided their dogs weren't a problem when it was clearly causing DD distress. It's like this in every park we visit now, even inside the play park area there's always someonethat the rules don't apply to. It's a shame that she has developed such a fear because of a few bad owners. She has had many good encounters with responsible owners and their pets in the past but these have been overshadowed by the bad.

I think what tipped her over the edge was last year seeing a small dog on a lead being mauled by a larger dog off the lead in another park. It was traumatic even for me to witness so no wonder she's jumpy now. We no longer visit that park.

Is she feeding off your anxiety ?
If you try and remain calm that may help her.
I am lucky that my dog wants to avoid people and other dogs, she just has her nose to the ground, but when it comes to food she is greedy.

@Moonface123 I like dogs, they don't bother me, as does DH. I like a to give them a pat if the owner allows it. It's the actions of dogs that has caused this. Of course we do our best to reassure her but incidents like this seem to be happening more and more recently. Every time it happens we are back to square 1.

Has this not been done to death? Do you really need help to figure out if people not controlling their dogs are unreasonable?? Seriously!

FGS, no responsible dog owner should let their dog approach strangers, let alone jump up at them or ignore your requests to ask them to stop simply because "they're friendly" but you know that.

What a pointless thread.

‘The signs regarding dogs on a leash is the norm in play parks and picnic areas where I live.’

Never come across this ever. Dogs on leads signs around here tend to be out in the fields where there’s livestock. None of the parks in our city ask that dogs be leashed.
Not in my home town either. Although we do have ‘dog beaches’ during the summer restricting dogs to certain areas between May-Sept.
the thing is with parks - dog owners use the parks EVERY single day regardless of weather, 2/3 times a day. So have just as much right to access, and exercise for their dogs, as people who picnic or use the parks mainly in the summer and better weather.

@Dillyjones72

‘The signs regarding dogs on a leash is the norm in play parks and picnic areas where I live.’

Never come across this ever. Dogs on leads signs around here tend to be out in the fields where there’s livestock. None of the parks in our city ask that dogs be leashed.
Not in my home town either. Although we do have ‘dog beaches’ during the summer restricting dogs to certain areas between May-Sept.
the thing is with parks - dog owners use the parks EVERY single day regardless of weather, 2/3 times a day. So have just as much right to access, and exercise for their dogs, as people who picnic or use the parks mainly in the summer and better weather.

Why do you think it matters that you've never come across dogs on leads signs? They exist where the OP is, so people should pay attention to them.

the thing is with parks - dog owners use the parks EVERY single day regardless of weather, 2/3 times a day. So have just as much right to access, and exercise for their dogs, as people who picnic or use the parks mainly in the summer and better weather.
Not sure why you emphasise the weather so much (is there a moral high ground in going outside regardless of weather that I don't know about?). And the OP isn't saying people don't have the right to access the park and exercise their dogs, just that there are clear areas where off-lead is OK and where it isn't, which people should follow.
Cop on to yourself, eh.

@DontWiltMySpinachPlease Welcome to the Internet. You will be hard pushed to find a thread that hasn't been done to death. If it bothers you so much you know what to do.

I do believe that most of these irresponsible dog owners are genuinely blind to the issues they cause so if reading one of these dog threads can help open the eyes of at least one of them, it's worth it.

I don't see why using the park more than someone gives them free reign to do whatever they want with their animals? We should all be respectful of other users and their personal space. I wonder what the reaction would be if DD was running feral around other people trying to steal their food and jump all over them because she "only wants to play"

In my town, most parks have areas where dogs e to be on the lead and others where they don't. The latter have play areas and picnic tables too.

It is really bad luck that within 10mns, you had three groups with dogs off lead in an area where dogs are expected to be, and that happened to be poorly trained.

That or you live in an area where rules don't mean anything.

I don’t think you’re unreasonable but I agree with PPs that it would be worth trying to work on the fear of dogs with your daughter as they are going to be impossible to avoid all of her life. Do you know someone with a small, calm dog that could come over and do it in a controlled way? I also agree with PP that if you go somewhere dogs are allowed off lead then unfortunately this is going to be unavoidable and perhaps go somewhere dogs have to be on lead or somewhere unlikely they will be off lead! I’ve seen children’s parks where there are specific picnic areas fenced in that dogs aren’t allowed in maybe see if there is one near you? Or there’s a park near me that has picnic tables towards the road side of the park so it would be unlikely dogs would be off lead there.

lockdownmadnessdotcom

PixieLaLa
I think your energy would be better spent helping DD over come her fear of dogs. It’s not practical to expect that all dogs she meets are going to be on leads/not run up to her (especially in a park!)

But it should be. Dog owners should have their dogs on short leads unless they have 100% recall. Why is it ok to let your dogs run up to other people? Keep hold of them.

“100% recall” Oh give over, could say the same about other people’s kids running up to other people/dogs, equally not ok but MN loves a dog bashing thread 🙄

lockdownmadnessdotcom

PixieLaLa
I think your energy would be better spent helping DD over come her fear of dogs. It’s not practical to expect that all dogs she meets are going to be on leads/not run up to her (especially in a park!)

But it should be. Dog owners should have their dogs on short leads unless they have 100% recall. Why is it ok to let your dogs run up to other people? Keep hold of them.

“100% recall” Oh give over, could say the same about other people’s kids running up to other people/dogs, equally not ok but MN loves a dog bashing thread 🙄

Why is it ok to let your dogs run up to other people? Keep hold of them
Because the vast majority of people are not scare and don't mind dogs going to them.

MN is full of people scared of dogs or dislike them for some odd reason but it doesn't reflect on the reality. I have one friend scared of dogs due to being bitten as a kid. She's an outdoor person and yet can only report to maybe one in a couple of years incident when she felt uncomfortable with a dog getting to close to her.

Most dogs will approach and do nothing. The youngest ones might jump and indeed, this shouldn't happen and owners should tackle this so it doesn't happen, but in most cases, dogs are not badly behave then kids.

My real pet hate and that gives me the rage is dog shit everywhere. There is no excuse whatsoever for living shit on paths or anywhere people might walk. It's pure selfishness and lazziness.

I wouldn't have to teach her to be less afraid if dog owners hadn't allowed them to jump her in the first place

This. I grew up with a family dog and only became afraid of them after my elder brother was bitten twice by random dogs for no apparent reason, and then I was bitten by a neighbour's dog who charged through their open gate as I walked by with my mother. Not being afraid was my default position until actual experience taught me that was was not a good default position.

@PixieLaLa

lockdownmadnessdotcom

PixieLaLa
I think your energy would be better spent helping DD over come her fear of dogs. It’s not practical to expect that all dogs she meets are going to be on leads/not run up to her (especially in a park!)

But it should be. Dog owners should have their dogs on short leads unless they have 100% recall. Why is it ok to let your dogs run up to other people? Keep hold of them.

“100% recall” Oh give over, could say the same about other people’s kids running up to other people/dogs, equally not ok but MN loves a dog bashing thread 🙄

Agreed! Little kids love running up to our dogs. I usually have to warn parents that spaniel has been swimming and covered in mud. If little kids always run up to dogs it’s difficult for dogs to learn it’s not ok to go over.

I agree with another PP - basically it’s not practical to expect dogs to always be on the lead unless they have 100% recall. It SHOULD be the case but in reality it isn’t and I don’t think that is going to change.

I stupidly assumed that the owners would be able to read the signs that stated dogs must be kept on a lead

One of our local beaches is designated as a dog free zone, with several notices at regular intervals. There are always off lead dogs on there. What can you do? The owners do what they like, sod the rest of us.

Just tell the owner that the dog has grabbed and eaten a bag of chocolate raisins so they might need to get it checked out at the vet

That's inspired. I might use that on a local who brings her dog with her to lunch in the pub garden. Telling her I'm allergic to dogs hasn't worked in her keeping it away from me. Maybe that might.

It is actually a legal requirement to keep your dog under control at all times. That means it should not be allowed to run up to people, try to steal food or jump all over them. Why do people think it is their right to inflict their badly behaved dog on everyone else? It is simple, if you cannot control your dog when it is loose, keep it on a lead. We see this time and time again and it will get worse during lambing season.

I don't hate dogs, just irresponsible owner s.

My DD (now 19) was terrified of dogs .
We couldn't find out why for ages . She was sent flying by an over excited boxer in the snow when she was nearly 2yo but she didn't remember that .

Eventually , she had a fear of their breath and spit .
So people saying "Oh he's friendly he'll lick you to death...." Not helping
Nor was "Oh get her a puppy"

Her brother is a DogMagnet , he was power leaned and wrapped by 4 greyhounds in the park and bloody loved it .

It was a long slog , mainly avoiding parks , going places we knew were quieter , ignoring dogs if they were near .
99% dog owners were great and read our body language so drew their dogs away .
Then she went to friends' houses with dogs and found out they weren't demons.
She doesn't like dogs but a healthy avoidance works for her .

I've never had that many dogs come up to me even with a whistle and a treat.
Think your daughter might be picking up on your anxiety.