Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Another Dog one

107 replies

Softfresh · 16/09/2021 15:04

Took DD to the park today for a picnic lunch and a play after. I have no problem with dogs personally but DD is absolutely terrified of them.

We sat down at the picnic tables and within the space of 5-10 minutes, 3 different groups of people with 8-10 dogs between them decided it was okay to let their dogs pound up to us, off lead and jump and bark all around us. It's okay though because "they're friendly" why do people think this is okay? I don't mind dogs but I still don't want them jumping all over me when I'm eating lunch!

Every time this happened, I told them that DD was afraid of dogs. The first 2 groups were reasonable enough and took the dogs away after a few jumps and barks at us. DD was on edge by this point but I tried my best to calm her down.

Then a mother and daughter approach with yet another 2 dogs, running around our feet, jumping and barking. I explained that DD was scared so asked if she could move the dog. Of course her dog was friendly and wouldn't harm her Angry by this point DD was practically on top of the table trying to get away from them! The woman then decided to tell DD that her dog gets excited when it sees food so she should hide her sandwiches! Wtf! At this point I had enough and told her sternly to move her dog and let us eat our lunch. I've already told her DD doesn't like dogs, she seemed pretty offended by my sharp tone.

Aibu to expect dog owners to keep their animals under control around people eating lunch? Why do these dog lovers think everyone must love their dogs as much as they do? I had to pack up and take DD elsewhere to eat and she spent the rest of the time completely on edge so our lovely afternoon was ruined by selfish rude people Angry Rant over!

OP posts:
Skyla2005 · 16/09/2021 21:39

Accidents can happen. I was over the park with my dog and he ran round the corner out of sight before I knew it he was upon a family eating fish and chips as a picnic on the grass and he ate lots of their food They were very understanding about it

Original poster
Softfresh · 16/09/2021 21:46

@MrsBobDylan I don't know how to explain it any clearer. We were sitting in a picnic area on a picnic bench surrounded by signs that stated dogs must be kept on a leash. Within 5-10 minutes of our arrival, 3 separate groups of people passed through the picnic area to get to the wooded area behind us. Their dogs were all off lead and the owners allowed them to run around and under the tables and jump up on us sitting eating lunch, instead of walking along the path at the far end where it wouldn't have bothered anyone.

Dd has a developed a fear of dogs for the exact reason explained in my pp. Irresponsible dog owners letting them pound up to her, jump up on her, knock her over and bark in her face. She doesn't have a fear of any other animal of any kind. Its pretty impossible to help her overcome her fear when dog owners and their "harmless" dogs constantly invade her personal space when she's clearly uncomfortable with it. If a dog can't be trained to stay away from other people or animals then it shouldn't be off a lead in an area that doesn't allow it.

OP posts:
careermindedwoman · 16/09/2021 22:05

Every council has their own rules about where you can let your dogs off leads. I'm sure public parks are not one of them. Some dog owners are oblivious. BTW I am a dog owner and hate that other owners seem to think it's ok to let their 'friendly' dogs off the lead. I personally hate other dogs bounding up to me when I'm walking my dog, let alone when I'm having a picnic with family. Where is the respect?

SanFranBear · 16/09/2021 22:17

For some reason, this reminds me of the 30-50 feral hogs meme Grin

Doveyouknow · 16/09/2021 22:43

I hate people who say you should work on your child's fear. My Ds is scared of dogs for exactly the same reason as your dd, he was knocked over and pinned down by a dog as a small child. We spent time getting him to meet a calm dog and he got really confident. Then a few run ins with some 'friendly' dogs including one who bit his coat and one that ruined his football and strangely he isn't keen again. The dog that stole his ham sandwich from his hand didn't help either...I can't say I blame him, if something about the same size as me chased me round the park and bit my clothes I would be bloody terrified

BobMortimersPetOwl · 16/09/2021 22:50

I'm all for dogs being off lead in appropriate places, but if the rules are dogs on leads then they should have been on leads. Nobody should have their dog off lead bounding through an eating area though anyway.

Aside from that, I really would implore you to do something about your daughter's fear. I was absolutely terrified of dog until I was well into my 30s, when I decided to get one. It had such an impact on my life and I know it made life difficult for those around me too.

TracyLords · 16/09/2021 22:56

Yanbu! I’m a dog owner, but keep my dog well away from people (oddly she only seems interested in “doggy” people; basically ignores people until they start giving her doggy attention.

But, I would really work on getting your daughter help for her fear. Not to absolve dog owners of responsibility: but for her own sake.

My mum was terrified of dogs, and I ended up with a phobia until my 20s. I used to make my dad take me to the bus stop in case I saw a dog. I ran into the sea fully dressed to avoid a small dog once. My fear calmed down when my husband introduced me to his 4 dogs!! But it did take a while

Whycangirlsbesonasty · 16/09/2021 23:03

The ‘accidents will happen’ comment above. That’s not a bloody ‘accident’! You let the dog off it’s lead and let it run out of sight! Own your mistakes, please!

Original poster
Softfresh · 16/09/2021 23:07

@Doveyouknow I completely agree. Irresponsible dog owners give your child the fear in the first place then tell you to "train" your child to be less afraid. I don't blame DD for being afraid when her interactions with dogs have been unpleasant.

How about they just keep their dog away from other people's personal space? You don't have to like dogs or be comfortable with dogs if you don't want to be regardless of how "friendly" they are. Just because you love them doesn't mean everyone else has to.

I like dogs but I only tend to visit outdoor spaces with leash restrictions because I don't particularly want to interact with other people's dogs. Not even these places are safe anymore.

OP posts:
onlychildhamster · 16/09/2021 23:19

I never used to be afraid of dogs and actually was quite fond of them. But then I moved to the UK and started living in zone 3 where every second person has a dog. Was waiting in my communal garden the other day for a delivery and someone's dog jumped onto me. Was quite a large dog too. Said owner was gallivanting around our communal garden, not keeping an eye on his dog.

My DH is a director of our residents company and I know that people's pets are precious to them and so I would never object to people's request to have dogs in our development (we must be one of the few purpose built flat blocks around which allow dogs including in second floor apartments). Plus I don't want even more Londoners to be pushed out of London just because they need a private garden for their dog. But at times like this, I wish our block wasn't so pet friendly!

It's not just about children being fearful of dogs, I don't understand why it's ok for dogs to jump onto strangers going about their business. If children were jumping onto random adults and licking them, the parents would be horrified. But for dog owners, it's kinda like - aww bless him, he likes you.

Blueeilidh · 16/09/2021 23:22

As a dog owner I would absolutely not let my dog approach people at a picnic bench

Dillyjones72 · 16/09/2021 23:29

That’s some bad luck you’ve had with dogs. I’ve never experienced anything close to what you w described… dozens of out of control dogs with owners who don’t give a damn.
Jumping up, barking, trying to grab your food… from a table, almost like dogs in a cartoon or a fairy story…

Pinkchocolate · 16/09/2021 23:32

I’m a dog owner and I agree, dogs should only be off lead in areas that are safe for them and people. I was petrified of dogs growing up. When I got to about ten my parents took me to see a puppy and I fell in love with him, we took him home and seeing him grow up made me eventually comfortable around dogs.

Original poster
Softfresh · 16/09/2021 23:32

@Blueeilidh The best part was when she told DD to hide her sandwiches because food makes her dog excited. The absolute cf!

OP posts:
Original poster
Softfresh · 16/09/2021 23:43

@Dillyjones72 So because you haven't personally experienced something it can't be true? Other posters have expressed similar experiences in this thread so this sort of behaviour seems to be the norm these days with all the untrained lockdown dogs.

I dont see how 3 separate groups of people out walking dogs in a park is like a cartoon fairy story? It was you with the dog wasn't it? Grin

OP posts:
shrodingersbiscuit · 16/09/2021 23:59

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ.

Meatshake · 16/09/2021 23:59

Just tell the owner that the dog has grabbed and eaten a bag of chocolate raisins so they might need to get it checked out at the vet 🤣🤣 that'll get rid of them sharpish!

DroopyClematis · 17/09/2021 00:02

My daughter was knocked over and mauled by a German shepherd , trying to be 'friendly' when she was 3.
She became terrified of dogs.
We decided to work on this as we knew , full well, that she couldn't hide away from dogs as there were so many around.

23 years later , she is besotted with dogs and has a wonderful affinity with them.
We now own a large breed ourselves.

Lockdown has resulted in squillions of new dog owners, I doubt that anyone will be able to avoid them.

My solution to you would be to talk about dogs and their behaviour to your child .
In the meantime too, continue to have your picnics and the next time a dog comes over, say ' I hope you don't mind if we give your dog chocolate or salted herrings ( or other dangerous foods for dogs) then watch how quickly the owners remove their pampered pooches.

Littlescottiedog · 17/09/2021 00:10

@Skyla2005

Accidents can happen. I was over the park with my dog and he ran round the corner out of sight before I knew it he was upon a family eating fish and chips as a picnic on the grass and he ate lots of their food They were very understanding about it
😲 I hope you offered to pay for their food!

A dog came to me on a narrow woodland path the other day. It had a fluorescent green collar with the word FRIENDLY on it in black. Sorry, but a) that doesn't give you the right to allow your dog to approach strangers and jump up and b) it's still an animal with the ability to hurt a human in certain situations.

JassyRadlett · 17/09/2021 00:21

The thing with having a kid who’s scared of dogs is that you do a lot of careful, patient work to help them to overcome their fear and then some twat of a dog owner lets their darling rush up to your kid, jump up at them and bark, trilling ineffectually that ‘they’re friendly really!’. And so you’re back to square fucking one while sanctimonious twits tell you that you really should help your kid overcome their fear. Rinse, lather repeat. He’s ok with them now but it would have been faster and easier without chocolate teapot dog owners with a worse sense of boundaries than their dogs have.

I grew up around dogs and love them, so it’s been particularly annoying to have a child scared of them; the fact he was scared of them in the first place was because of being barked at and jumped on. Tbh when you’re three feet tall, being scared of something that can jump higher than you are tall, can knock you flat, barks in your face and has sharp teeth is incredibly rational.

Mediumred · 17/09/2021 00:30

Oh, this is awful. I have a youngish puppy and I won’t let her off the leash as I fear this situation and I want to be a responsible dog owner. I am working with the puppy on a long lead, I suppose the time will come when I will risk her off lead but if a situation like this happened then I would be so apologetic and she would be back on the long lead until I felt I could try again. I don’t think you or your daughter should have to moderate your behaviour, it’s up to dog owners to train their dogs.

Dillyjones72 · 17/09/2021 09:15

The reality is parks, beaches, woods etc are shared spaces and you’re DD isn’t going to be able to avoid dogs, so you need to work with her to get over her fear. And I say that as a parent who has a kid who was terrified of dogs after a big, muddy out of control
Dog jumped all over us in the park one day while it’s useless owner stood there like a lemon. She used to get hysterical at the sight of a dog anywhere near her, which quite frankly was completely impractical.

It took time, and a lot of patience, but not only is she no longer afraid of dogs but is happy to see them for the most part.

lockdownmadnessdotcom · 17/09/2021 09:23

@PixieLaLa

I think your energy would be better spent helping DD over come her fear of dogs. It’s not practical to expect that all dogs she meets are going to be on leads/not run up to her (especially in a park!)

DD will be picking up on your emotion too if your feeling tense/nervous/annoyed when you see dogs off leads approaching so I would try not to react at all or in a positive way.

But it should be. Dog owners should have their dogs on short leads unless they have 100% recall. Why is it ok to let your dogs run up to other people? Keep hold of them.

Lockdown has resulted in squillions of new dog owners, I doubt that anyone will be able to avoid them well quite. Even in offices Angry

lockdownmadnessdotcom · 17/09/2021 09:24

And by the way extendable leads are really dangerous, you can trip people up. Short leads or canicross style, please.

MrsRobbieHart · 17/09/2021 09:28

@charlestonchaplin

Feed them. Feed them unidentifiable food from plain bags, like freezer bags, so the owners have no idea what you’re feeding their dog. The more responsible ones will quickly call their dogs away. Expecting people to be decent and inconvenience themselves a smidgeon for your benefit is a waste of time. If you don’t fight fire with fire, you will always be the victim, having to endure patronising lectures from selfish dog owners about overcoming fear.
This.

And announce loudly “oh I have special food for off lead dogs” and refuse to tell the owner what it is. Grin

I love dogs, I am a dog owner. Have zero patience for out of control dogs.