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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want to go to new parents' drinks?

73 replies

minesa99 · 16/09/2021 11:09

So my dear child has recently started secondary school (local independent school; high academic standards but not major public school) and we have been invited to a new year seven parents' evening next week.

I dont think I can be bothered to make small talk and listen to the head teacher talk - am I being a bad parent?

We have already attended a new starters' church service after which there was a small reception and I spoke to the relevant staff - this new event just seems a bit excessive.

On a practical level it will involve arranging babysitters etc but I think I object slightly to having to all be part of a community and to all be part of a school team- cant we just interact with the school on a parent/ teacher level. I thought at secondary school we didnt really have to care about all that? They do their job of educating our children, we do our job of ensuring that they have the right uniform and get there on time?

OP posts:
lanthanum · 16/09/2021 11:24

I don't think you need to go. Some parents desperately miss the involvement they had with their child's primary, and the opportunity to meet other parents on the school run. I suspect this event is there to meet that need.

pinkyredrose · 16/09/2021 11:27

local independent school; high academic standards thanks for letting us know that! Grin

If you don't want to go then don't.

Backtoreality1 · 16/09/2021 11:29

Its your choice. I work in an independent school, and it has been challenging over the last couple of years with parent interactions. Many schools are feeling that because there wasn't the opportunity to get togehter before the school year started, they have to offer more opportunities now. I don't necessarily agree with that, and it is entirely up to the parents if they want to attend. Equally, if you had questions and just wanted to have a one to one with the head, this would be fine also. AS previous poster mentioned....there are a range of parents in each school and the level of 'support' needed varies greatly.

TeachesOfPeaches · 16/09/2021 11:29

As long as it isn't a major public school then that's fine Grin

MrsSkylerWhite · 16/09/2021 11:31

Couldn’t stand the things so didn’t go (parents evenings the exceptions). None of us were struck down and youngest happily off to university in a week or so.

lockdownmadnessdotcom · 16/09/2021 11:31

Is a parents evening a social event? Usually you just sit in the hall, listen to the headteacher and others speak and go home?

Inastatus · 16/09/2021 11:32

It sounds like a lovely idea to me, especially after the last 18 months of having to interact via bloody Zoom but it’s your choice! I’m sure no one will judge you for it.

Etinox · 16/09/2021 11:33

Do you already know the other parents? It takes an island etc.

BlackberryMuncher · 16/09/2021 11:33

@lanthanum

I don't think you need to go. Some parents desperately miss the involvement they had with their child's primary, and the opportunity to meet other parents on the school run. I suspect this event is there to meet that need.
Have yours been to an independent?

@minesa99

Depends really. You don't have to go, but it's better to go & be seen/known etc

I don't enjoy them (hate small talk, hate not feeling as 'put together' etc etc) , but it's kind of part of 'school life' when you've got kids at an indie really.

Wondergirl100 · 16/09/2021 11:34

Teen years can be difficult can't they - wouldn't it be good to know other parents/ teachers as much as possible? One evening out of your life - not sure why people get so worked up about this stuff.

I would be delighted at the chance to know the community.

idontlikealdi · 16/09/2021 11:35

Isn't the joy of moving on to secondary that you don't have to do this shit anymore?!

If it's going to be informative I would make the effort. If its a social, nope!

User147893 · 16/09/2021 11:35

good grief, don't go.
You have already 'shown up' once.
You are correct: you are paying for an education for your DC, not a social club.

HatsOnHatsOff · 16/09/2021 11:35

It's one evening- not a massive burden, you don't need to go to any future events if you decide it's not for you.

Dinkydonk55 · 16/09/2021 11:36

I thought you meant drinks down the pub that one of the parents had organised

I think if it was an official thing with a talk and stuff then yes I would go
Don’t you want to know as much as possible about what you’re paying for?

I also get the impression there is more socialising with small independent schools at secondary but of course no obligation!

User147893 · 16/09/2021 11:37

Also the more you are visible the more you will get roped into other stuff and it is a snowball that will cause you stress and anxiety going forward, and offence to those you have to refuse.
Keep your distance from the start.
Attend everything academic. Ensure your DC do what is expected of them - that is what you are undertaking with an independant. You won't be the only one not fully engaging on the parental extracurricular optional stuff.

MrsSkylerWhite · 16/09/2021 11:37

ockdownmadnessdotcom

Is a parents evening a social event? Usually you just sit in the hall, listen to the headteacher and others speak and go home?“

Parents’ Evening at our school was specifically one to ones with subject teachers to discuss child’s progress.

Other gatherings were socials with nasty wine and curly sandwiches. Didn’t go again after the first.

MrsSkylerWhite · 16/09/2021 11:38

Today 11:35 idontlikealdi

Isn't the joy of moving on to secondary that you don't have to do this shit anymore?!

If it's going to be informative I would make the effort. If its a social, nope!“

👏👏👏👏👏

Tinkerbellfluffyboots79 · 16/09/2021 11:44

I don’t go to anything at the high school, everything is online anyway but don’t go if you don’t want to, or is it a stealth boast your child goes to a super dooper high school? Rest of us just get catchment area high school? No drinks for us.

noprofessional · 16/09/2021 11:47

Tbh at my independent school the parents used these events to "network" with each other. Big yawn 🙄 just don't go.

MrsSkylerWhite · 16/09/2021 11:48

noprofessional

Tbh at my independent school the parents used these events to "network" with each other. Big yawn 🙄 just don't go.“

Yep and the Christmas fayre to flog their “crafts” 🤣

User147893 · 16/09/2021 11:50

Remember the staff are being paid to be there.

You are not. Indeed, you are paying. Do as little or much as you like.

noprofessional · 16/09/2021 11:50

@MrsSkylerWhite

noprofessional

Tbh at my independent school the parents used these events to "network" with each other. Big yawn 🙄 just don't go.“

Yep and the Christmas fayre to flog their “crafts” 🤣

🤣
QueeniesCroft · 16/09/2021 12:11

@idontlikealdi

Isn't the joy of moving on to secondary that you don't have to do this shit anymore?!

If it's going to be informative I would make the effort. If its a social, nope!

Yes! Although I delegate most of the primary school stuff to their father as well.
Dishwashersaurous · 16/09/2021 12:42

Often parents choose these sort of school specifically because they want to be part of the community and interact with the other parents.

Totally up to you though

PooWillyNameChange · 16/09/2021 12:49

@Dishwashersaurous

Often parents choose these sort of school specifically because they want to be part of the community and interact with the other parents.

Totally up to you though

This. DD went to prep and is now in state school. We opted out of that stuff but for some people it formed the basis of their social lives. There is nothing U about not going if you don't fancy it.