AIBU to not want to go to new parents' drinks?

[minesa99]

So my dear child has recently started secondary school (local independent school; high academic standards but not major public school) and we have been invited to a new year seven parents' evening next week.

I dont think I can be bothered to make small talk and listen to the head teacher talk - am I being a bad parent?

We have already attended a new starters' church service after which there was a small reception and I spoke to the relevant staff - this new event just seems a bit excessive.

On a practical level it will involve arranging babysitters etc but I think I object slightly to having to all be part of a community and to all be part of a school team- cant we just interact with the school on a parent/ teacher level. I thought at secondary school we didnt really have to care about all that? They do their job of educating our children, we do our job of ensuring that they have the right uniform and get there on time?

This is fairly typical at independents and is in my experience a good thing.

So no, like with anything else in life, you don’t have to go but I would.

I would go, it's just unfortunate at the start of the first year a whole load of rubbish like this comes up.

Hopefully things will settle into a routine by October/November.

It is a bit annoying that schools arrange this sort of stuff, but I guess it could be useful.

@pinkyredrose

local independent school; high academic standards thanks for letting us know that!

If you don't want to go then don't.

🤣

I hate these things with the passion of a 1000 suns. I still make an appearance and make sure to at least say hello to every one of my child’s teachers in attendance.

We ask for a lot from our school. Dd can’t just blend into the crowd. I find it helps to go and play nice. They are much more accommodating when it comes time to discuss formal accommodations or we need to discuss something simple like DD needing a locker on the bottom row because she can’t reach the top row without a step stool.

It’s one evening. The benefit you might derive from meeting, even superficially, the parents of your child’s classmates, and your child’s tutors, can be well worth 2 or 3 hours of your life. It’s not like you have to do it every week.

I feel the polar opposite. I can't go to ds2's information evening because it's the same night as Ds1's
I have so little interaction with the school and probably only visit once a year for this very evening.

there wasn't one last year when DS2 joined the school in year seven, so I'm desperate to go and seeing a few mums is pleasant and I get to see the head of year , find out what the plan is for the whole year , what topics they are going to be studying. I actually really like it and I'm very sad I'm not able to go this year.

Bloody hell things have changed since I was at my independent convent school - many years ago.

They couldn't have cared less if my parents attended anything like drinks/receptions - though a lot of the Catholic parents I'm sure were invited to events and organised them etc. My DM had no time as a teacher herself to attend these and she wasn't Catholic anyway. Stepdad as a very lapsed Catholic certainly wasn't going to go and wondered why I was going there (DM's choice and money).

In fact all they bothered about was paying of their fees and good exam results.

If you do want to be part of the community and interact then go but don't feel you have to do so, really.

Only one of you needs to go and then there’s no need for a babysitter.

Presumably it's not compulsory so don't go if you don't want to. Personally I think you should make the effort when your child starts a new school.

In my experience, it's quite useful to know most of the parents in your year group by sight. You will end up meeting those whose kids do similar after school activities at pick ups quite routinely, and then it becomes easier to share lifts etc and to check arrangements if that's necessary. In Y7, I would say it's a good idea; much less important if your DC is changing school for 6th form, by which time they are all learning to drive. It's one evening of your life, and probably only 90 minutes at that.

My son's secondary did this. It was billed as drinks/nibbles, chance to see uniform etc but in reality the main point of the evening was for them to try to get parents to sign up for a direct debit to support the school.

I'm not judging them, it's crap that they even need to supplement their budget but with hindsight I wouldn't have wasted an evening on it.

Let us know what yours is like if you do decide to go OP.

This is what puts me off private schools, can’t be doing with the socials… so uneccessary

I've not been near my year 10's school for a good 2 years. Absolutely no need to attend, but it is helpful to know a few parents if you don't already.

Funnily enough we do have a drinks and "welcome to upper school" thing coming up and I was tempted to ask whether they'd mind recording it and shoving it on there internal website.

Sounds like my idea of hell.

@maz210, what asking for more money after you've agreed to pay fees? I would understand that request in a state school in a leafy suburb to top up inadequate LA funding, but having paid via taxation and then paying again for private, just jog on............

Out of already taxed income.

[quote XingMing]@maz210, what asking for more money after you've agreed to pay fees? I would understand that request in a state school in a leafy suburb to top up inadequate LA funding, but having paid via taxation and then paying again for private, just jog on............[/quote]
Not private, no, state Grammar. You're right, OPs can't be for that when they're already paying.

Would it make a difference if it were the local state school?

@maz210 wait - yuo think that because it's a fee paying school they won't ask you for more money via a Parents Association?

Crying til I weep here.

@wizzywig, yes, absolutely. If it were a state school in an area where I was paying a premium to buy a house in a top notch education zone, instead of paying £20k a year out of taxed income to compensate for an inadequately funded failing comprehensive alternative, I would happily have donated enough per child to top up to near private school per capita financing, provided it wasn't all squished away into the SEN budget. This isn't an area that has leafy suburbs, it's agricultural and tourism, but I would have paid £100 per month. I'd also buy a voucher for the school I wanted, to top up state provision. It's all talk now as DC is 22.

Drinks? At a parents evening? I obviously sent my kids to the wrong schools!

BlackberryMuncher

“Depends on the school 🤣

One of them was worth endless amounts of boring chit chat just for the catering alone! The chef was wasted on middle school girls, but came into his own at Events.“

Our independent’s catering department was lauded by the staff. We found it woeful as did many of the boarders, particularly those from overseas.

Suppose it depends on people’s expectations.

Thankfully, youngest beginning university now so it’s behind us 🎉