To say I am sorry and that's all I can do?

[LemonSherbetFancies]

DP and I never argue which is why I am upset.
He is off work for 2 weeks and offered to take grandchild and godchild to swimming class. Daughter who normally does it has changed work shifts.
One of them is at one school,one at another. DP can not drive at the moment due to RA so I assumed the journey was collecting one child and then getting on a bus to collect the other. I didn't know the bus didn't go down a certain long road.

So today I told him to make sure he picked up the youngest child from after school club no earlier than 4PM as I wanted to make sure I paid for the whole session. He said that was not possible as he wouldn't get to the swimming class in time with the kids. I said it seemed incredible that it would take so long just to go from one school to the next, jump on a bus and then go to swimming. He then got snappy and said there was a long walk So he is having to do that and the bus trips with RA. He snapped that he had to do the long walk to collect one child, get a bus at the end, collect the other child, get another bus and then do the long walk again. I was surprised and said I didn't realise he was also having to do all the walking but he still seems pissed off.
Aibu to say all I can do is say sorry ?

I don’t understand what you area asking, what do you mean all you can do is say sorry?

I have to say you sound very annoying though and need to zip it. He is doing the pick ups so let him get on with it to his own timetable. I think you underestimate journeys that involve buses too. I have never been able to “jump” on one at will, it usually involves an uncertain and time consuming waiting around.

Because he still seems annoyed so really, short of saying sorry what more can I do?

What are you sorry for exactly?

I don't really understand.

You do seem a bit demanding but this all seems a bit petty to be posting about.

You could actually apologise for interfering and micromanaging him.

What are you sorry for? It sounds like a faff but he offered to do it. Is he wanting you to drive and if so why doesn’t he ask?

You can offer to do it yourself next time.

I don't see why you had to get involved? He's the one picking the kids up to take them swimming so surely it's up to him to manage

You can't really do anything more than say a sincere apology but sorry isn't magic, he doesn't have to cheer up and no longer be annoyed as soon as you've said it. Assuming he isn't usually sulky/disproportionately annoyed about things (I assume not as you seem shocked he's done it this time) just drop it and give him space to cool off.

No you're right in that you can probably only say sorry. But just because you've said it doesn't mean his annoyance suddenly evaporates, it's not a magic wand. Leave him be and stop micromanaging him.

I'm confused. His journey does indeed sound like a faff. You asked him to pick up one child later than he was intending. He was annoyed because he wouldn't make it in time to swimming if he did as you asked (and presumably felt you should have understood this). You apologised. All good. What am I missing?

He's pissed off because you are putting conditions on the pick up, have interfered in the arrangements without the full facts and from the sounds of things effectively said you didn't believe him when he explained that you were wrong. Add in his RA and I can completely understand why he would be less than civil when you were constantly questioning him.

You need to sincerely apologise for your behaviour and in future keep any "incredible" thoughts to yourself.

If he's struggling with RA then it's likely he'll be snappy anyway - we all are when we're in pain. Give him a break.

Im not really sure I follow as to what has happened but as someone who lives with RA, I think you just need to let him get on with the way he’s planned it because he’ll be working around his limitations whilst also trying to get to swimming on time.
If it matters as to what time you want the kids picking up whilst also needing to make swimming, can’t you offer to drive?

You've kinda taken the fun out of it for him I think. The journey and picking up the kids is a bit of a faff but obviously they're looking forward to the pool - till you wade in with conditions just because you want to get your monies worth of something you've already paid for (a recurring after school session I'm guessing, in which case the cost of it levels out over a term and isn't the end of the world to miss a few minutes of) and then castigate how long it would take to jump on and off buses. With RA.

Sorry doesn't really fix annoyance.

He offered, has looked into logistics and you interfered. Just let him get on with it.

Sorry but I felt annoyed at what you wrote because I can relate to your dp. My own DP used behave like you (he has stopped now after some tough conversations about it). Your DP was the own doing the work, had figured out the route and timings and you with no real information or involvement thought you knew best and were telling him how to do it. Why should he have to justify or explain it all to you.

Yes I think you need to say sorry and also change your behaviour and attitude towards him.

@LemonSherbetFancies

Because he still seems annoyed so really, short of saying sorry what more can I do?

Keep your beak out in future when it doesn’t impact you in the slightest?

So he wants to pick up one child a bit early from after-school club to make sure he has enough time to get them both to swimming. He is limited by his RA. You TOLD him not collect the child early as you want your money's worth from after-school club.

No wonder he is annoyed. I suspect this is not the first time you have interfered like this. Whether you realised how long the journey would be or not, you shouldn't have interfered that way. If I were you I would acknowledge that and make a sincere apology.

Do you even mean it though?

I don’t understand most of this but think an Uber may be the solution.

It depends on how you said sorry. If you said any version of " I'm sorry but....." which includes saying you are sorry but then justifying why you intervened or saying again why he should do what you want then it wasn't an apology.

"I'm sorry I shouldn't have interfered you had a plan that works and I should not have got involved" that's it.

It would irritate me as well if someone thought getting their moneys worth was more important than my comfort in something like this.

@DrManhattan

Do you even mean it though?

I thought this as well. You seem like your "well all I can do is say sorry, so I'll do that" approach is just to stop him being grumpy with you, rather than actually being sorry for being a pain in the arse in the first place.

@Aprilx

I don’t understand what you area asking, what do you mean all you can do is say sorry?

I have to say you sound very annoying though and need to zip it. He is doing the pick ups so let him get on with it to his own timetable. I think you underestimate journeys that involve buses too. I have never been able to “jump” on one at will, it usually involves an uncertain and time consuming waiting around.

This, so much this.

Also

So today I told him to make sure he picked up the youngest child from after school club no earlier than 4PM as I wanted to make sure I paid for the whole session

WTF? Public transport does not revolve around your demands!

If you are so desperate to wring out every last penny of the money that you've spent then go pick the child up yourself and don't forget your stopwatch because God forbid the session ends a few moments early!

Also 'Sorry' is not a magical fix everything word. You sound like a nightmare and tbh you shouldn't be instantly forgiven when you have behaved this badly.

I didnt demand he go earlier to pick up the child from the club. I just said that this was the time she finished.
I also can't drive myself as I am working which is why he is doing it. I misunderstood what he had to go to get there and did not realise that a lot of it is walking. Now I know I understand why it takes him so long.