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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hand a sick note in?

94 replies

QuestionableMouse · 15/09/2021 17:22

I'm exhausted. Absolutely wiped out. I had covid last week, my mam has been in ICU since last Friday with complications of Covid. I'm still struggling with the Covid leftovers (exhaustion being the main one!) I'm doing childcare for my sister 7-5 every day this week. I don't think I've slept longer than two hours in a row since Friday.

I literally feel like my cup is empty.

I have two ten hour shifts this weekend on a busy dining area and I could honestly cry when I think about it. The short school run today left me absolutely wiped.

I don't want to let work down but at the same time, it's more disruptive if I go in and have to leave.

Wibu to hand a sick note in?

OP posts:
VillanellesOrangeCoat · 15/09/2021 18:35

If your sister explained to her employers that her childcare has fallen through because of Covid they would likely understand, and give you a few more days complete rest to recover - then you can make the decision about work?

slashlover · 15/09/2021 18:36

Even if I wasn't doing childcare I doubt I'd be fit enough for work.

If you wouldn't be fit enough to work a 10 hour shift after 2 full days of rest then you aren't fit enough to look after kids for 10 hours tomorow.

TracyLords · 15/09/2021 18:36

Is your sisters work more important than yours OP? Do you need your job?

PinkArt · 15/09/2021 18:38

I would have every sympathy with any of my team who had to call in sick because they were exhausted recovering from covid. I would be furious though if I then found out that they were well enough to be looking after someone else's kids during that time. That part is what's absolutely taking the piss.
The issue of who looks after their kids is you sister and BILs problem to solve, not their relative at risk of burning out.

ssd · 15/09/2021 18:39

You'd better hope work doesn't find out you're doing so much childcare, it won't look good if they find out.

But hope you feel better soon.

Porridgealert · 15/09/2021 18:40

It sounds to me that you just want one restful day and a good nights sleep. So ask your dad to have them for the one day on Friday. Or tell your BIL to take a sickie. Why is it you making sacrifices and not the children's parents?

ssd · 15/09/2021 18:41

Sorry but i think your sister and BIL have some nerve asking this of you

blueskytoday06 · 15/09/2021 18:46

Self cert for 7 days. Speak to GP if you think you'll need time beyond this.

DameFanny · 15/09/2021 18:48

@girlmom21

I'd be really pissed off if you were my colleague and called in sick so you could help someone else with childcare while I'm paying hundreds of pounds a month for mine.

It's probably also highly likely it'd trigger a disciplinary if anyone found out at work.

You've read the OP's entire litany of troubles and you're going to go for for jealousy and resentment if she calls in sick? Really?
girlmom21 · 15/09/2021 18:49

@QuestionableMouse

Sister won't because she literally started the job on Mon and doesn't feel like she can and there's no-one to cover for my BIL so his boss has refused any sort of leave.

Honestly when I say I have no choice, I mean that. The only other choice is my dad but he's getting over Covid too and he doesn't cope well with them on his own.

Your BIL, the child's father, is the option. It's not your responsibility. It doesn't matter if there's nobody to cover his work - he's entitled to emergency leave to look after his own children.
DameFanny · 15/09/2021 18:51

But re childcare @QuestionableMouse, what about your dad comes over so you can help each other. Even if he makes sandwiches while you nap that's a help.

Kinneddar · 15/09/2021 18:55

Definitely take a break. I've been off work for 4 weeks and am speaking to my GP about another line this week. I made the mistake of keeping going when I was struggling. Its made things so much worse. Look after you

TintinIsBack · 15/09/2021 19:05

Posters seem to forget that the OP has had covid. I suspect that, even wo the childcare, she would still be exhausted now.
Covid isnt benign for a lot of people, let alone when you are also dealing with a parent in hospital and looking after children (like your OWN children),

@QuestionableMouse, just put a sick note in with covid as the reason. That will be plenty and there is no need to put more.

TintinIsBack · 15/09/2021 19:08

Btw, I’m often wondering what sort if life people on MN live tbh

One where people never ever out themselves out for friends and family. And you are always supposed to stand on your two feet in your own, all the time. Pandemic? What pandemic? Why would you need help eh?

It must be exhausting to know you should never ask for help or count on other people to support you.

What a sad life…..

TracyLords · 15/09/2021 19:11

@TintinIsBack yes to helping when / if you can. No to helping when it’s to the detriment of your own health and livelihood

TintinIsBack · 15/09/2021 19:14

But even if it’s to the detriment of your very close family members, Incl the dcs….

Nice….

TracyLords · 15/09/2021 19:16

If it’s to the detriment of your own health and job, then no.

It’s Dsis and BIL role to arrange childcare: he should take the day off: not OP risk her own job and health.

TracyLords · 15/09/2021 19:17

@TintinIsBack just curious: do you often use other people for unpaid childcare

user1471457751 · 15/09/2021 19:24

@QuestionableMouse you keep saying there is no choice but you doing childcare but what would your DS and BIL have done if you had been hit by a bus? BIL would either have had to take time off or they would have had to pay for emergency childcare.

impostersong · 15/09/2021 19:26

It's not unreasonable to take time off if you're too ill to work, but it's massively taking the piss to take time off work when you're ok to look after your sisters kids. Effectively your work would be paying for your sisters child care. Either go to work or take time off but don't look after the kids.

Porridgealert · 15/09/2021 19:27

@TintinIsBack. I think its very kind of the op to do childcare for a family member. Most people would do the same. But they wouldn't go off work sick. If she's sick because of covid, fine. But if she's sick because the childcare exhausted her on top of covid, that's not fine. If what she's doing is reasonable, she should write on her sick note that she's too exhausted to come into work because she's been looking after her nieces/nephews.

Hattie765 · 15/09/2021 19:30

You don't need a sick note until you've been off 7 days, you just need to let your boss know you won't be in due to recovering from Covid xx

Overthebow · 15/09/2021 19:36

Yabu to take time off when you are well enough to look after your sisters kids. Sorry but either she finds another option or you go into work.

AmDillDandin · 15/09/2021 19:37

@QuestionableMouse do what you need to do.

I'm presuming that the childcare is erring more to the 'turn the tv on, feed occasionally, don't let them play with matches' type rather than 'days out at museums, 2 hours of foreign language and forest walk' variety, but regardless, recovering from Covid, mum in ICU and dad struggling is enough.

Take the time off, and when you return you can aim for Employee of the Month

DeletedByAccident · 15/09/2021 19:38

@QuestionableMouse

Because unless I leave them at home alone I don't have a choice. Sister and BIL can't afford paid childcare and the in laws have refused to help. (that's a whole other story that I don't want to get into)

I really wish there was something else I could do but there is no one else who can do it.

Can you afford to take 20 hours off work?
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