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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hand a sick note in?

94 replies

QuestionableMouse · 15/09/2021 17:22

I'm exhausted. Absolutely wiped out. I had covid last week, my mam has been in ICU since last Friday with complications of Covid. I'm still struggling with the Covid leftovers (exhaustion being the main one!) I'm doing childcare for my sister 7-5 every day this week. I don't think I've slept longer than two hours in a row since Friday.

I literally feel like my cup is empty.

I have two ten hour shifts this weekend on a busy dining area and I could honestly cry when I think about it. The short school run today left me absolutely wiped.

I don't want to let work down but at the same time, it's more disruptive if I go in and have to leave.

Wibu to hand a sick note in?

OP posts:
Original poster
QuestionableMouse · 15/09/2021 17:50

Child care is in place for next week. It's just this week we need to get through (fucking Covid again there!)

Work require us to self certify for the first three days so I'd be using that form.

OP posts:
Porridgealert · 15/09/2021 17:55

So basically you're going off sick to do childcare for your sister? That's bonkers. It's very kind of you volunteering to do that so she can have a job...but not if it means losing yours.

However, your mum being in icu must be very stressful so do whatever makes you capable of dealing with that. I hope she improves soon..

maddening · 15/09/2021 17:59

If you are too ill to work why are you looking after your sister's dc?

DrWhoNowww · 15/09/2021 18:03

My work would take a fairly dim view of me calling in sick but still somehow being healthy enough to spend 50hrs that week looking after a relatives children.

If you didn’t have them for the next two days would you be capable of doing your actual job?

Original poster
QuestionableMouse · 15/09/2021 18:04

Because unless I leave them at home alone I don't have a choice. Sister and BIL can't afford paid childcare and the in laws have refused to help. (that's a whole other story that I don't want to get into)

I really wish there was something else I could do but there is no one else who can do it.

OP posts:
TracyLords · 15/09/2021 18:06

But, this is your sister and her husbands problem! Not yours!!!

girlmom21 · 15/09/2021 18:11

I'd be really pissed off if you were my colleague and called in sick so you could help someone else with childcare while I'm paying hundreds of pounds a month for mine.

It's probably also highly likely it'd trigger a disciplinary if anyone found out at work.

Wole · 15/09/2021 18:12

@QuestionableMouse

Because unless I leave them at home alone I don't have a choice. Sister and BIL can't afford paid childcare and the in laws have refused to help. (that's a whole other story that I don't want to get into)

I really wish there was something else I could do but there is no one else who can do it.

BIL should be taking time off to look after them then. You need a break.
slashlover · 15/09/2021 18:14

If you go off sick would you be paid? I'm not paid for my first 3 days of sick.

QueeniesCroft · 15/09/2021 18:14

@TracyLords

But, this is your sister and her husbands problem! Not yours!!!
You are sick. Your sister should not be asking this of you. Her husband should be taking care of the children, or they should be calling in favours (different ones for each day probably) or doing anything else really, except taking advantage of you when you are too sick to cope. I also wouldn't be massively surprised if the anticipated childcare falls through for next week as well (also the week after, and the week after that...). No matter how much you love your sister, don't make her childcare your problem.
NoOtherShadeOfBlue · 15/09/2021 18:14

Why can’t BIL take time off? What do they normally do for childcare? Why would they leave their children home alone if you didn’t help? What would they do if you were still infectious with covid?

Definitely take time off work to recover, you need to rest. But don’t look after someone else’s children for ten hours a day under any circumstances.

NetflixandWineplease · 15/09/2021 18:14

Hand it in OP. We need it sometimes.

Original poster
QuestionableMouse · 15/09/2021 18:16

Ah, okay. I realise I haven't explained things well- I'm not taking time off work to do childcare. I'm not in until Sat/Sun and BIL is off work then and will be taking care of them.

OP posts:
WhiskeyNeverStartsToTasteNice · 15/09/2021 18:16

You absolutely must take time off work. Pushing through fatigue is the absolute worst thing you can do with post viral symptoms and could potentially make you much more ill for much longer. Agree with pp though, your sister's DC are not your responsibility and doesn't sound like you're well enough to look after them either. Can't one of them take time off work?

Porridgealert · 15/09/2021 18:16

Why don't you ask your BIL to take Friday as annual leavr to, you know, look after his own children, and you get a good days rest so you're ready to go into work at the weekend?

Porridgealert · 15/09/2021 18:19

@QuestionableMouse

Ah, okay. I realise I haven't explained things well- I'm not taking time off work to do childcare. I'm not in until Sat/Sun and BIL is off work then and will be taking care of them.
Yes, I think everyone understood that. What they're saying is that by looking after your sister's children, you've left yourself unfit for work. And therefore you can't work because you're doing childcare for your sister.
NoOtherShadeOfBlue · 15/09/2021 18:19

You explained yourself really clearly. I understand that you aren’t due at work til the weekend but you still shouldn’t be using your days off to do that childcare while you are unwell. Your BIL should take time off work to look after his own children.

Xmassprout · 15/09/2021 18:20

No one thinks that you're taking the time off to do the childcare

But it's the fact that you will be doing the childcare and then phoning off work sick. If you're too sick to work, you're too sick to do lengthy childcare.

Is this a long term arrangement?

girlmom21 · 15/09/2021 18:20

@QuestionableMouse

Ah, okay. I realise I haven't explained things well- I'm not taking time off work to do childcare. I'm not in until Sat/Sun and BIL is off work then and will be taking care of them.
Would you be fine to work if you weren't doing childcare this week, though?
TracyLords · 15/09/2021 18:22

But looking after the kids is contributing directly to you being burnt out and unable to work at the weeekend. If you rested a few days you may have been able to handle work this weekend.

Can I ask how old you are and if this is a career?

Original poster
QuestionableMouse · 15/09/2021 18:24

Sister won't because she literally started the job on Mon and doesn't feel like she can and there's no-one to cover for my BIL so his boss has refused any sort of leave.

Honestly when I say I have no choice, I mean that. The only other choice is my dad but he's getting over Covid too and he doesn't cope well with them on his own.

OP posts:
Original poster
QuestionableMouse · 15/09/2021 18:28

Even if I wasn't doing childcare I doubt I'd be fit enough for work. I struggled with the very short school run today and I have no idea how I'm going to manage a ten hour shift on a busy dining area!

OP posts:
Randomgal28 · 15/09/2021 18:31

You can’t take time off work if you’re well enough to look after your sisters kids.. sorry OP

And whoever said it could lead to a disciplinary is right. It’s only Wednesday

Randomgal28 · 15/09/2021 18:32

Pressed post too soon!

You might feel better come the weekend

QueeniesCroft · 15/09/2021 18:33

If you are not fit enough to work (which you clearly aren't) then you aren't fit enough to provide safe, effective childcare. If the school run is a struggle, then you could be making your health very much worse by doing this.
This is a difficult problem for your sister, but it is HER problem. You must have rest. What she does is up to her.