School are going to think DD(8) has a warped mind!!!

[Jourdain11]

DD2's Year 4 class are writing "urban wildlife diaries" this week and I took a look at what DD had written so far this evening.

"There were rats at the bottom of the garden. I saw two it was the size of a cat."

"At night I could hear foxes fighting and they make a sound like ladys screeming ." (At least she didn't know what they were actually doing.)

"On the way home I saw a dead squirel and two pigeons were eating it."

"There are lots of spiders in our house and my dad washed them down the plug drownde them."

Urgh... I'm sure the teacher was expecting different kinds of birds singing outside the window and late summer butterflies. DH thought it was hilarious but I'm sure the teacher is going to think she's a Disturbed Child.

Yes, IABU: let her get on with it and see how grim it gets

No, IANBU: encourage her to look at, er, more pleasant urban wildlife.

My DD was asked to write a short story for a book competition. She wrote about a woman who had a son who said his mum had a nice smile, it ended with her being in a hospital bed about to have surgery to give her that smile!!! Admittedly DD was 11 at the time but it made my hair stand up

I was reading Edgar Allan Poe's short stories at eight - I was a strange kid. I was also fascinated by Hamlet picking up Yorick's skull. I find this darkly delightful! I'll be friends with your DD when she is an adult. 🖤 Though I'll be an ElderGoth by then.

This will out me, but my long suffering Ddad still remembers picking me up from school aged six or seven and the other school mums looking at me and at each other saying "Whose is this strange child?" I had been teaching the other children the song "Tank" by the Stranglers; which contains the immortal line "Can you see the bullet's high velocity? It can blow a man's arm off at the count of three." My poor mortified Ddad - already judged because single dads weren't so common back then - had to go through all the staring school mums to collect me. To make matters worse, he was wearing a leather jacket and Chelsea boots! He's never lived it down.

I think she captured the real nature beautifully 🙈

I was raised on occasional casual spider murder and feel alright. There are worse things.

My husband throws them out of the window. I once suggested that this would might kill them, and he confidently declared that spiders are so light, they never reach terminal velocity. I still laugh about it now, the image of a spider in perpetual motion outside my bathroom window.

The story about eating scraps in the pub is brilliant!

Yeah, M&S high class scraps! I'm guessing the teacher was imagining more like scraps of meat knawed off a chicken bone and wilted cabbage leaves. Lol.

I've just looked at today's installment, and to my surprise, the murderous cat didn't make the cut. Instead we have a lengthy description of breakfast chez Jourdain11...

I think it’s brilliant, let her carry on

Reminds me of the time when I was reading my sons holiday diary waiting for parents evening and discovered that my dear child had written that he had stayed with one set of grandparents while Mummy and Daddy buried his other grandad in the woods...... we were scattering his ashes to be fair, but it brought me out in a cold sweat.....

Ha, that's awful!!

@MistressoftheDarkSide

Reminds me of the time when I was reading my sons holiday diary waiting for parents evening and discovered that my dear child had written that he had stayed with one set of grandparents while Mummy and Daddy buried his other grandad in the woods...... we were scattering his ashes to be fair, but it brought me out in a cold sweat.....

Sorry but that's really funny

Today's entry:

"A wasp flew in to the kitchen while we had breakfast. It was very old and slow then it went on my sisters bowl and she screemed and screemed. My mum said its not a wasp its a hoover fly. But it looked like a wasp. But it diden't sting any one so that mite be true."

@ImprobablePuffin @MistressoftheDarkSide it is! I bet the teacher did a double take

Spiders dont drown when washed down the plug. The little buggers curl in a ball and float and start climbing again!

"Nature red in tooth and claw" ~ you sure your daughter hasn't been reading Tennyson on the sly @Jordain11? (I love her writing and her spelling!)

Nice to see the thread! Look forward to future installments, voting YABU, let her roll with it.

Yes, please keep us updated with future diary entries @Jourdain11 - I'm loving them so far!

I think your DD needs her own Twitter feed with her nature observation of the day. I would definitely follow.

I love it, let her crack on.

My cat once murdered a baby rabbit and left it on the step. DS wrote at school "there was a dead rabbit and its small intestines* were all over the patio".

*not sure how he knew which intestines was which.

@Skatastic very biologically detailed observations from your DS!

DCs' school is closed today, so they're currently running wild at home and in the garden. I gave DD2 my phone to take "urban wildlife pictures" and have just taken a look at the results: so far she's snapped several cats and Michael Gove (?).

I wonder what form of wildlife she would classify Michael Gove as...

I’m a teacher and when I’m marking a lot of writing, which can get a bit repetitive and boring when everyone’s writing about the same thing and I’m feeling a bit tired, this sort of thing is a real pick me up. I’m sure her teacher will love it

(Michael Gove, incidentally, was in the paper, not on our garden.)

Here's a little story, I was sitting in my chair by the french windows, and a young rat appeared from under the shed. I have a big rambling rose there and she was picking up the petals and rubbing them over her face. I thought it was really cute

I should add, we have 3 dachshunds and they have been known to kill the rats

DD in year 4 did a class writing exercise in which they were asked to write a story with the title " Man's best friend".

All the other kids in the class wrote stories about adorable puppies. DD wrote a story in which the narrator adopted a stray dog which was possessed by devils. The dog attacked the narrator and in the closing lines the narrator was watching as the dog ate her alive

God knows what her teacher thought! I think her comments were something like "great imagination!"

We weren't allowing her to watch slasher movies at home, honestly!

Fantastic, let her have it!
She's being honest, it'll make her teachers day! 😀

Teacher here. We’ve heard, read and giggled at all sorts! At least we know it’s the child who wrote it when it’s like this