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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel depressed by it getting dark so early

193 replies

Poetrypatty · 14/09/2021 19:57

... And only going to get worse. I think that Boris press conference today didn't help. Feel miserable going into another winter of all this crap and the effort of keep trying to keep mine and dcs mood up.

OP posts:

JassyRadlett · 15/09/2021 20:21

I love how you've completely ignored my explanation of why I found it sad it when it seems like people are wishing their lives away i.e the untimely death of my winter-hating mother, while expecting understanding of why you are particularly sensitive around this topic i.e you miss your family. If that's not the very definition of 'tin eared' I don't know what is!

I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to ignore that; I was answering the parts directed at me. I’m very sorry about your mother - I’m sure she was lovely.

I don’t expect you to understand why I’m currently feeling a little sensitive. And I apologise again for being hurtful towards your own loss. I can understand why you feel that way, but I do think trying to apply it to others isn’t really helpful.

JassyRadlett · 15/09/2021 20:25

I’m aware I’ve been a total arse on this thread and I apologise to you and others for that. I generally try really hard not to be like this on Mumsnet (or anywhere else) and I’m not proud of it. Obviously one for me to avoid in future if I’m struggling.

BigButtons · 15/09/2021 21:05

@U2HasTheEdge

I also don't think some people get how hard it is for us cold blooded people to warm up.

I hate it when people tell you to just stick a jumper on. If I get cold then I get cold to the bone and it can take bloody hours to warm up. I can go for a walk in the cold, wearing proper winter clothes and still feel bloody freezing for hours afterwards.

Blankets are OK as long as I don't have to get up and I can't work with one around me.

It is utterly miserable and putting on an extra jumper does not help.

Exactly me- cold to the bone for hours. What I do have at home is a heated throw. It has saved my frozen bones many a time. I highly recommend getting one if you haven’t already.

BigButtons · 15/09/2021 21:06

The heated throw warms my core up so that I get properly warm enough to function for a bit without it. A godsend after coming in from the cold. Quite reptilian behaviour really!

SirChenjins · 15/09/2021 22:19

@Jasmine11 - to be fair, your first post on the matter didn’t make any mention of your mum dying young (I’m so sorry, that must have been incredibly difficult for you and your family), you said “But on a serious note I hope all of you suffering from SAD are able to access medical support - life is so short, it feels sad that some of you are wishing half the year away”. It was very much about how you felt about some of us - I have to say I was taken aback by the fact that a complete stranger would feel I was wishing half the year away, when actually SAD and mental ill health at this time of year is a horrible thing to experience - to say I’m wishing half the year away feels as if you’re simplifying it and criticising me for feeling this way. A sort of ‘come on folks, just pull yourself together, life’s too short’ lecture. I’m sure that’s not what you actually meant, but your choice of words was a bit surprising and hurtful.

NatashaRf · 15/09/2021 22:30

Opposite here. I love the snuggly evenings.

Can't wait to get out the jumpers and boots.

ilovesooty · 16/09/2021 01:25

@NatashaRf

Opposite here. I love the snuggly evenings.

Can't wait to get out the jumpers and boots.

And how is this helpful?

Have you bothered to read the thread?

MeanderingGently · 16/09/2021 02:09

I'm another one who hates summer and sighs with relief once we hit Autumn.
Having lived in northern Scandinavia, winter in the UK is no comparison. Above the Arctic circle we had no sunlight at all from November to mid-January, it was all quite magical really......

SirChenjins · 16/09/2021 07:53

And another one…

Jasmine11 · 16/09/2021 07:54

[quote SirChenjins]**@Jasmine11* - to be fair, your first post on the matter didn’t make any mention of your mum dying young (I’m so sorry, that must have been incredibly difficult for you and your family), you said “But on a serious note I hope all of you suffering from SAD are able to access medical support - life is so short, it feels sad that some of you are wishing half the year away”. It was very much about how you felt about some of us - I have to say I was taken aback by the fact that a complete stranger would feel I was wishing half the year away, when actually SAD and mental ill health at this time of year is a horrible thing to experience - to say I’m wishing half the year away feels as if you’re simplifying it and criticising me for feeling this way. A sort of ‘come on* folks, just pull yourself together, life’s too short’ lecture. I’m sure that’s not what you actually meant, but your choice of words was a bit surprising and hurtful.[/quote]
I'm very sorry to have caused you any hurt, that was not my intention. I feel like you are now over-thinking what I said though, especially as you wrote at 16:44 about my 14:54 post that you reference above I know the second post came from a good place but now you are saying it was surprising and hurtful which is a bit confusing as I feel like your first interpretation was correct - there was no criticism intended.

But even though we are all complete strangers as you say, I feel bad that what I wrote has upset you enough for you to revisit it hours later, and I apologise for that.

ChristmasCocktail · 16/09/2021 07:56

I love the dark evenings. It's cosy.
Dark mornings not so much.

bumblingbovine49 · 16/09/2021 07:59

@MimiDaisy11

Normally I hate it but I’m less bothered at the moment as the summer was too hot for me so I’m looking forward to some cooler temperatures, just a shame it comes with shorter days.

Also, surely people recognise the difference between someone saying they feel depressed about something and someone suffering from depression.

Summer too hot? Blimey we had a couple of hot weeks in July round here . August had been downright cold as was most of the spring.

Delatron · 16/09/2021 08:23

I put the heating on in August. It was white cloud and dull for weeks. Hot it was not. In fact it was quite autumnal, because we need another month of autumn in this country.

The one week of summer just before the kids broke up was lovely.

mydogisthebest · 16/09/2021 08:37

@MeanderingGently

I'm another one who hates summer and sighs with relief once we hit Autumn. Having lived in northern Scandinavia, winter in the UK is no comparison. Above the Arctic circle we had no sunlight at all from November to mid-January, it was all quite magical really......

I would loathe having no sunlight at all from November to January. No wonder that the suicide rate is so high in Scandinavian countries.

I have been in Sweden in the summer when it never really got dark at all and loved it. I wish I could live somewhere it was light permanently. I really would not miss the dark in the slightest

SirChenjins · 16/09/2021 08:40

Thanks @Jasmine11 - I appreciate that . I was sure you didn’t actually mean to cause upset but I was still taken aback.

Reading some of the ‘snuggly evenings with a cosy stew’ comments on here show just how little some people understand the misery that winter causes those of us with SAD. I suppose if you haven’t experienced it can be difficult to comprehend - like all mental ill health.

KingsleyShacklebolt · 16/09/2021 08:43

@SirChenjins you're too kind - don't give them a get out clause. I haven't suffered with a whole lot of things but I can empathise with people going through things. I wouldn't come on a thread about any other medical condition or life trauma and make trite comments. Someone posting perhaps that they are estranged from their family and it causes them a lot of pain and I pop up saying that I am close to my family and it's great! Wouldn't do it, would you?

SirChenjins · 16/09/2021 09:02

That’s very true, and no you’re right, it wouldn’t occur to me to say something like that.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 16/09/2021 10:11

@JassyRadlett, you haven't been a total arse. You're dreading the onset of the short days and in consequence you were having a rough day. That's allowed.

There are obviously people on this thread who are really struggling. I don't have diagnosed S.A.D., but it does affect my mood - especially during the month I hate most, November. And it is serious. Apparently the suicide level in northern Scandinavia spikes during these dark months. It isn't a triviality.

I do try to find small things which for me make the season more bearable. A real flame (log burner, fire pit) does a great deal for my mood and I've just ordered one of those orange sunset lamps: might try a S.A.D. lamp, too. It's sunny where I am. I intend to go out and enjoy that, even if it's only for a brief walk around the garden (still WFH until next week).

Hope you're feeling a little better today. Try to find as many strategies as you can to make the dreary season more bearable (I've just brought out my autumn candle). One November I went to a gig. I try to build in small things to look forward to.

This is not to say I know what it's like having the true condition of S.A.D.; but I do know about depression. Sometimes having a shower and washing your hair can feel like a marathon; I can well imagine S.A.D has a similar effect. But if the small stuff helps, a little ...

Hope you are having a better day today

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