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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect OH to get married without his family

53 replies

fugginell · 14/09/2021 18:09

Expecting our third baby was a bit of a surprise!as we wanted to get married next year on holiday. However that isn't going to happen now, I refuse to have another baby without being married not that it's a massive deal it's just something I want for myself.

I have said let's just go to the registry office me and you and get it done. Don't need to tell anyone if he doesn't want to then after the baby is here have a little ceremony on holiday as planned.

We don't really have many friends it's just me and OH his brother mum & dad and probably my mum. I don't really want to invite people to a registry office then go home.

AIBU?

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 14/09/2021 18:10

Has he said he doesn't want to do this?

saltedcaramelanything · 14/09/2021 18:11

Does he want them there? I don't think it's fair to make that decision for him, in your circumstances.

Why not invite his family and your mum, and then go out for a meal to celebrate?

Mrsjayy · 14/09/2021 18:12

Does he not want to do this?

Palavah · 14/09/2021 18:13

In fairness, if you're already pregnant then not having another baby before getting married isn't a strong negotiating position.

emmathedilemma · 14/09/2021 18:13

Go to the registry office then out for a meal or invite them back for drinks if he wants them there?

Boobieboobieboobie · 14/09/2021 18:14

I don’t get it, just invite them, explain its kust a small thing, no party etc. You will need witness’ anyway

lovingllamaa · 14/09/2021 18:14

If he wants them there then YABU

MiddleClassProblem · 14/09/2021 18:14

Sorry, but confused. If you were getting married on holiday would that be there?

INeed2P · 14/09/2021 18:14

Hmmm, does he want his family? If so, YABU. (I'm guessing he does since you're asking). You don't have to go right home - you can go for a meal afterwards just with a small group perhaps?

Also I understand you perhaps didn't want to have another baby without being married, but seeing as you are already pregnant - shutting the stable doors when the horse has already bolted comes to mind, it is perhaps to late to insist you refuse to have a baby without being married.

Toottooot · 14/09/2021 18:14

If he wants them there I think you’re being incredibly selfish. Imagine the outcry if it was the other way and he didn’t want your family there.

Holly60 · 14/09/2021 18:15

Sounds like it could be a lovely small registry office marriage then out for lunch after? Or back to someone’s for food?

edwinbear · 14/09/2021 18:17

So if he refuses to get married, how are you going to refuse to have another baby, given you're already pregnant? Confused

Plumtree391 · 14/09/2021 18:17

If getting married before having your third child is important to you, just go to the registrar and do it.

As you said, you can have a little celebration at a later date.

I went to a wedding celebration of two people who had three children when they married. They went off somewhere and did it privately. The party some time later was very good.

Blueeilidh · 14/09/2021 18:18

What does he want? If you are only considering what you want then yes you are being unreasonable.

Original poster
fugginell · 14/09/2021 18:18

If it was on holiday it would be his mum & dad and brother as my mum wouldn't fly. If we do it here we kind off have to invite more people as otherwise they would be offended.

I kind of just like the idea of just me and him going away, maybe that's selfish of me.

He said he wants his mum to see him get married which I can appreciate.

OP posts:
Hekatestorch · 14/09/2021 18:19

Yabu.

I refuse to have another baby without being married not that it's a massive deal it's just something I want for myself.

How exactly are you going to achieve that, if he just says no?

And also, it's also his wedding. Of he he wants his family there, I really don't get why you are so against it.

Original poster
fugginell · 14/09/2021 18:19

And of course if it comes to it il have the baby without being married. I said it's just something that I wanted for myself this time round.

OP posts:
Mammyloveswine · 14/09/2021 18:21

Just invite immediate family and go for a nice meal! Sounds lovely!

Hekatestorch · 14/09/2021 18:22

If we do it here we kind off have to invite more people as otherwise they would be offended.

No you don't have to. You just tell people it's very small and very immediate family only.

Mrsjayy · 14/09/2021 18:24

You were not that worried. About offending your mum when you were going abroad just have the abroad guests including your mum go for a meal job done.

Mrsjayy · 14/09/2021 18:25

You don't have to invite anyone else.

BurntO · 14/09/2021 18:25

YABVU. Why on earth can’t he invite his family Confused that seems very controlling

MiddleClassProblem · 14/09/2021 18:26

If he wants his mum to see him get married, why is getting married on holiday even on the table?

MatildaIThink · 14/09/2021 18:27

@MiddleClassProblem

If he wants his mum to see him get married, why is getting married on holiday even on the table?
Presumably because they were going to join them.
IWantT0BreakFree · 14/09/2021 18:29

Genuinely not understanding the issue. Just go to the registry office with OH, kids, your mum, PIL, BIL, and then out for a nice pub lunch after. Sounds wonderful!

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