Trying to relax when TTC is shit advice

[postingfortraffichere]

I hear so many people say this. 'Just relax' it happened for us as soon as we started to 'relax'.

Now I understand the sentiment behind it but I really don't know how people think I can just 'forget' that it's the tww and forget to remember ovulation and keep alcohol intake low etc.

It's just annoying advice.

Did anyone not 'relax' and still manage to conceive? Because I find 'forgetting about it' impossible.

The month I conceived my son was the most stressful of TTC yet. I’d just had the results of my first fertility blood tests back and they weren’t great. The doctor who told me about them had zero idea of what they meant and I had to google it all myself. I had a lot on at work and had to wake my husband at 5.30 am on fertile days to get a quickie in before leaving to catch my train. It was gruelling. But — my period never came and my boy is now 3. If it makes sense to you to keep at it with tracking bbt and cm then keep doing it.

Oh — just read more of the thread and I see you’re a fellow spotter. I have a 13 day luteal phase and spot reliably from 9dpo (unless breast feeding, in which case I only spot for a day or so, who knows why). For what it’s worth, when I conceived the first time I didn’t spot at all. But when I got pregnant this time (40 weeks now) I spotted and cramped from 4dpo!

I've never given it as TTC advice, but it is what worked for me. We'd tried for a year, then I got pregnant and I miscarried at 13 weeks. Then tried again for another 3 months. Then I had a month with various family events and thought 'fuck it' and gave myself a break from it all - so I drank alcohol, I went in a hot tub, I ran out of folic acid and didn't immediately replace it, I stopped dieting to get my BMI down, and I didn't bother with ovulation sticks. I didn't track how many times or when we had sex, and we only had sex when we felt like it, instead of every other day.
It was probably pure coincidence that x

Sorry posted too soon
It was probably pure coincidence that I got pregnant that month, but I can see why people attribute it to 'relaxing' when the same happens to them. Although as everyone has pointed out, it's mostly useless advice in the same way telling someone to calm down doesn't make them more calm, and relaxing won't do anything to help if there's an underlying medical issue.
to all affected by fertility struggles.

There's a bit of truth in it but having had fertility issues, it's the most horrible advice I've ever been given.

We eventually had 2 children but that's not the point.

The Consultant at our IVF clinic has said that worrying about stress is the worst thing to do when you're having difficulty conceiving. It is stressful when you want to have a baby and it isn't happening. That's a fact. Obviously you need to do things that can give you time away from the stress - a nice walk together, watching favourite tv prog, lunch out at the weekend - but you aren't negatively impacting your chances of conceiving by finding it stressful.

He also says that if stress was the biggest issue for fertility then babies wouldn't be born in refugee camps or in war zones. That put it into perspective for me.

Yes we had all this. Tried to get Pg, came off the pill, I wasn't even having periods. After about a year with various rounds of drugs and tests the clinic said you'll have to wait until another 6 months has passed to have IVF, we can't do any more.

So we did 'relax' in the sense of no point trying now it's not going to happen. Got Pg 2 months before the IVF appointment was due to happen. I had one period and then missed the next one. Took 19 months but it happened!

On the whole it's the most infuriating thing you can hear though.

Yes - the just relax/give up worked for me, after nearly 3 years of TTC (I had stage 4 endometriosis and adenomyosis it later transpired).. I decided sod it, if it’s not going to happen, going to go out partying and then..surprise!

But I remember being utterly infuriated when people suggested it to be whilst TTC

I found TTC very stressful, more stressful the more time that went on. I read somewhere that normal levels of stress (stress about work, general relationship stress, expected stress of wanting a baby and not getting pregnant each month) did not affect fertility, in fact a moderate level of stress seemed to very slightly enhance fertility in one study. (No idea how true that is but I held on to it!). It said that something like severe depression after a bereavement for example could have an impact if it went on for a long time, but not just general day to day life stress.

When I think back to getting pregnant with my son- I was highly stressed at work because I was doing a ridiculously long commute, felt out of depth in my job so had a constant stress about that, had to do presentations at short notice that I didn’t feel prepared for. I was getting mouth ulcers regularly which I hadn’t had since a teenager and feeling generally so run down and exhausted. And on top of that I was terrified that the more months that ticked by and the more stressed I got the less likely I was to get pregnant. And yet after one particularly exhausting day, I was on my way home and had to call my husband 2 hours into my journey to say- I’m stopping at one of those motel places at the services as I’m just too tired to sit in traffic for another hour again today. It occurred to me the next day that although constantly tired, I wasn’t usually THAT tired- and the following morning I went and bought a pregnancy test and it was positive. It was probably the most stress I’ve ever had the 6 months leading up to conceiving my son.

So no ‘try and relax’ from me- but I’d just say- try not to stress about feeling stressed!

@postingfortraffichere

I hear so many people say this. 'Just relax' it happened for us as soon as we started to 'relax'.

Now I understand the sentiment behind it but I really don't know how people think I can just 'forget' that it's the tww and forget to remember ovulation and keep alcohol intake low etc.

It's just annoying advice.

Did anyone not 'relax' and still manage to conceive? Because I find 'forgetting about it' impossible.

It really does work but you can't pretend to be relaxed. Ttc for 4 years, had tests and everything was fine. Eventually our gp recommended I just relax and focused on something else. We had a holiday, some great nights out and i started going to the gym regularly, stopped focusing on conceiving and lo and behold, few months later, I was pregnant. Like I say though you have to get to that stage, you can't force relaxation. It's not forgetting about it as such but finding another focus and you have to be ready, I do think the stress of Ttc can ironically and cruelly prevent conception.

Correlation does not mean causation. It’s entirely possible that the month you conceived would have been exactly the same even if you were having a horrible time at work, moving house and dealing with an unexpected massive bill you couldn’t pay.

Given enough time, most couples will go on to conceive. Relaxing has nothing to do with it.

It's so annoying! People even give me this advice, and I am trying to become a single mum by choice!

Apparently "just relaxing" is also the solution to finding a sperm AND impregnating you 😂😂😂

If relaxing was that important ivf would never work because I doubt anyone can relax doing that. I have twins from ivf and spent my tww in more or less total panic!