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Original poster

Ashamed in what I thought to myself

73 replies

watermeadowlounger · 12/09/2021 18:39

Recently have found out from a friend from school that a girl that I went to school with who bullied me at one point mum went missing, I feel dreadful for saying this but one of the first thoughts that came to my head was that's karma for what you did to me. This is dreadful isn't and I'm ashamed of thinking that and wonder what possessed me to think like in that moment.

OP posts:
Lockheart · 12/09/2021 18:41

Intrusive thoughts OP, most people get them.

Aquamarine1029 · 12/09/2021 18:42

You're human, and it's not dreadful. Thinking something for a fleeting moment doesn't make you a bad person. If that were true, everyone is a bad person.

girlmom21 · 12/09/2021 18:43

We all have thoughts that would make anyone else feel like we're bad people.

Don't dwell on it!

SummerHouse · 12/09/2021 18:44

No that's totally normal. Don't feel bad about it. You know it was unkind. It was a gut reaction not a real desire for bad things to happen to her. You are human.Flowers

PinkiOcelot · 12/09/2021 18:45

Totally normal OP.

Thehop · 12/09/2021 18:45

Sounds normal to me.

MakeMeCleanTheHouse · 12/09/2021 18:49

Completely normal. I've had some awful thoughts but it's how you act that matters

Lennybenny · 12/09/2021 18:52

You should be ashamed. It was school. You're a grown up (I'm assuming....if you aren't then that explains it) and her Mum has gone missing. Wtf. It's normal to do the karma thing in a lot of situations but for that...no.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 12/09/2021 18:54

You would have to be a Saint to be immediately sympathetic to someone who bullied you.

You haven't put laughing emojis all over Facebook or called your mates and had a giggle at her expense, you immediately felt awful after your intrusive thought, and that's who you are as a person.

You're totally normal op.

LaetitiaASD · 12/09/2021 18:56

@Lennybenny

You should be ashamed. It was school. You're a grown up (I'm assuming....if you aren't then that explains it) and her Mum has gone missing. Wtf. It's normal to do the karma thing in a lot of situations but for that...no.
You do not believe that, surely?
AubergineParmigiana · 12/09/2021 18:57

@Lennybenny - guess you've never been the victim of bullying

Blackopal · 12/09/2021 18:58

Thoughts are just thoughts, we all have some odd ones pop up. Actions are what matters, forgive yourself for a thought, it's ok.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 12/09/2021 18:58

I don’t think you should be ashamed for a fleeting thought. You should be ashamed if you act on them. You haven’t.

LaetitiaASD · 12/09/2021 19:00

@DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult

You would have to be a Saint to be immediately sympathetic to someone who bullied you.

You haven't put laughing emojis all over Facebook or called your mates and had a giggle at her expense, you immediately felt awful after your intrusive thought, and that's who you are as a person.

You're totally normal op.

One might argue that she is nicer than normal.

I don't believe that I'd spend one second feeling bad for having such thoughts - in fact I'd be more like to think about how much fun it would be to troll her on facebook.

I would not actually troll her on facebook, that would (obviously) be 100% wrong.

FlorallyBankrupt · 12/09/2021 19:01

Blimey, if I ever spoke out loud any of the terrible things I'd wished on a certain person I'd be arrested.

It's human to think it, just keep it to yourself.

Hekatestorch · 12/09/2021 19:03

You had a bad thought that was it. You didn't take it further.

Don't be so hard on yourself.

Looneytune253 · 12/09/2021 19:52

@Lennybenny

You should be ashamed. It was school. You're a grown up (I'm assuming....if you aren't then that explains it) and her Mum has gone missing. Wtf. It's normal to do the karma thing in a lot of situations but for that...no.
Were you a school bully @Lennybenny ?? Only reason I can think of why anyone would think like that.

Personally I think it's normal to think like this about someone that terrorised you as a kid. Only time I would say different is if they'd genuinely changed and at least tried to make amends

liveforsummer · 12/09/2021 20:31

I'd not say out loud the thoughts I've had about my ex 🙈. I hope it's normal. This thread is reassuring 😆

TheVanguardSix · 12/09/2021 20:39

As long as you know that’s not how it goes, that life isn’t influenced by good and bad forces, nor does it operate on a rewards-based system, and that good and bad things happen randomly to good people and bad people, then you’re alright. Karma is a fairytale. Your former bully is not being punished. She is merely experiencing life on life’s terms and those terms, at present, are bad. Maybe you can come from a place of compassion. Maybe not. That is up to you to decide.

BlotBangRub · 12/09/2021 20:45

It's perfectly normal and nothing to be ashamed of.
Most of us have had terrible thoughts about others.
If a psychiatrist looked inside my head at some of my thoughts, he would be booking himself into his own ward for treatment.
We all do it.

wheresmyshoe · 12/09/2021 20:46

It's normal, absolutely normal. It would be wonderful to think we all rise above past hurt and think compassionately but we're human and most of us don't, even those who moralise may well not when it's themselves, so much easier to judge others. Personally, I probably shouldn't be as affected by schadenfreude as I am but seeing my bully suffer brought me a deep sense of being at peace with the world.

itsgettingwierd · 12/09/2021 20:52

The brain is a very interesting organ.

You cannot control those thoughts and as much as another part will say it's emotionally and morally wrong another will think it. And let's face it. If someone tests you horrifically for years it's not totally disgusting to think you're glad they know how not feels.

Human nature is an interesting thing Grin

hardboiledeggs · 12/09/2021 20:59

Totally normal. Don’t beat yourself up about it.

lannistunut · 12/09/2021 21:03

We do think 'wrong' thoughts at times - only a problem if you don't see them as wrong. Let it go, you're fine.

Anotherbrokenairer · 12/09/2021 21:07

My adult DC saw her ex bully begging in the street on her way home from work. He really made her life hell, it broke my heart.
I have to admit I struggled to have sympathy and so did she. We certainly didn't gloat and discuss it, she told me and I just acknowledged it like she was telling me it was raining. We looked at each other in silence and I knew we felt the same, we left it at that.
However, I know there's been occasions where I've thought ' yass, that's what you get!' but I quickly feel a bit ick and have a word with myself.

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