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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Ashamed in what I thought to myself

73 replies

watermeadowlounger · 12/09/2021 18:39

Recently have found out from a friend from school that a girl that I went to school with who bullied me at one point mum went missing, I feel dreadful for saying this but one of the first thoughts that came to my head was that's karma for what you did to me. This is dreadful isn't and I'm ashamed of thinking that and wonder what possessed me to think like in that moment.

OP posts:
Daffodil123456 · 12/09/2021 21:09

Sounds like karma to me

Don’t beat yourself up I still wish cancer upon a handful of people

Anotherbrokenairer · 12/09/2021 21:10

Just to clarify not about the bully but other scenarios.

Wishihadanalgorithm · 12/09/2021 21:19

I wouldn’t beat yourself up over this.

The bully obviously made your life miserable for a while and now she is having something awful happen to her. I’d be thinking the same as you, OP, but wouldn’t be worrying about it.

TartanJumper · 12/09/2021 21:19

It's human to have those thoughts. You were horrified by them afterwards.
I've had some really nasty thoughts, too. We're all just humans.

tickledtiger · 12/09/2021 21:24

It’s just a thought don’t worry about it. It’s just the automatic flippant thoughts you get before the seriousness of the situation really hits you.

cantgetmyheadroundit · 12/09/2021 21:27

We all have thoughts like that, I think. Instead of thinking 'karma will get them' - partly because karma is a load of old shit - I think to myself 'they will get what they deserve'.

That way, I'm on the moral high ground Wink

DowntrainTrain · 12/09/2021 21:43

Don’t fret, Op - I work in hospitality and I murder half a dozen people each day (in my head..)
It helps me cope with the new trend of appalling rudeness that is rife since we re-opened in May.
We all think bad things, it’s really quite normal x

IHaveNoOneToTalkTo · 12/09/2021 22:00

That's an intrusive thought. Everyone has them and it doesn't make you a bad person at all. I'm an OCD sufferer so have had to deal with lots of unwanted/ intrusive thoughts BTW.

Mydogmylife · 12/09/2021 22:02

@Lennybenny

You should be ashamed. It was school. You're a grown up (I'm assuming....if you aren't then that explains it) and her Mum has gone missing. Wtf. It's normal to do the karma thing in a lot of situations but for that...no.
Don't agree-op didn't cause anything bad to happen , she briefly 'thought' about karma visiting on someone who had treated her badly. Quite normal I would've said, she didn't take matters any further
Cheeseplantboots · 12/09/2021 22:03

If that’s the first thing you thought then that’s very wrong.

IHaveNoOneToTalkTo · 12/09/2021 22:03

Also, don't listen to Lennybenny, they're talking shite

IHaveNoOneToTalkTo · 12/09/2021 22:04

@Cheeseplantboots

If that’s the first thing you thought then that’s very wrong.
Look up intrusive thoughts.
Whateverisaid21 · 12/09/2021 22:04

Try not to beat yourself up. You’ve had that thought then caught yourself knowing it’s hot your true feelings. This happens to all of us.

MaskingForIt · 12/09/2021 22:06

@Lennybenny

You should be ashamed. It was school. You're a grown up (I'm assuming....if you aren't then that explains it) and her Mum has gone missing. Wtf. It's normal to do the karma thing in a lot of situations but for that...no.
Oh, Be Kind.
Lavender24 · 12/09/2021 22:08

Don't worry I've thought much worse things than that.

maddening · 12/09/2021 22:32

You didn't cause this woman's disappearance, your thoughts have not impacted the case, you have not said anything insensitive to anyone or anything that would cause upset to anyone so don't stress about it.

If anything it perhaps underlines that the bullying still impacts you to cause out of character thoughts, so perhaps take this as cause to address this, perhaps counselling, meditation, working on your self esteem and letting go of the shit levelled at you by the bullies.

barskits · 12/09/2021 22:32

@Lennybenny

You should be ashamed. It was school. You're a grown up (I'm assuming....if you aren't then that explains it) and her Mum has gone missing. Wtf. It's normal to do the karma thing in a lot of situations but for that...no.
No. The OP is a victim of bullying, and that is what caused her to feel this way.

There is no shame in feeling like that about the person who abused you.

Ribblechips · 12/09/2021 22:43

Op years ago I found out (when Friends Reunited was all the rage) that my school bully had died of cancer. Obviously I wouldn't wish that on anyone, especially as she had young dc. And one part of my brain was appalled that that had happened to her. The other part of my brain could still not stop hating her for making my life at school (and that of many others) a miserable humiliating nightmare for about 6 years. It's who she was at the time. Obviously I didn't know her as an adult. She may have changed but I have no knowledge of that. So the ambivalence you feel is totally normal.

clarkkentsglasses · 12/09/2021 22:43

@Lennybenny

You should be ashamed. It was school. You're a grown up (I'm assuming....if you aren't then that explains it) and her Mum has gone missing. Wtf. It's normal to do the karma thing in a lot of situations but for that...no.

Never been bullied then? Hmm

MrMeSeeks · 12/09/2021 22:57

Don’t feel bad op.

f that’s the first thing you thought then that’s very wrong
Oh i take it you can control all your thoughts all the time then?
You’re better than most then.

JoyOrbison · 12/09/2021 22:59

Lennybenny

Never been that child chased round a class party pinned to the floor and punched? Never been excluded from games, playtime, lunchtimes, never beenn shoved and pushed in corridors, in classrooms, in cloakroons with no one helping you out, never been told you're worthless, you'll be put 6 feet under, you look stupid, you're going to get dropped and killed, never been told no one in school. Play wants to act with you, never been pushed to wall with people standing on your feet to cause pain for the day, never gad your stuff hidden in bins at the end of the week so you xant ho home as you have no shoes, never had your kit or clothes hidden or thrown about, never been punched or kicked, never been ostracised by your peers, never been told no one has space in their team during games, never had older siblings punching you on school trips while staff don't watch, never had older siblings intimate you leaving you scared to leave school, never had a derogatory nickname shared amongst a class, never had to sit on your own while older siblings take your stuff or kick balls constantly at you, never had to get counselling for having zero confidence and being terrified of being unsafe, never broken down multiple times in class because you're scared and feeling terrified and angry and want to be heard and want justice that will never come thanks to shit staff and shit education systems?

No? Not as a primary child and them a high school child? No?

Then take your WTF comment and bore off - it's normal op, and to be able to check yourself shows you're a bigger person than your bully.

JoyOrbison · 12/09/2021 23:05

You too cheeseantboots.

I defy anyone to deal with that and not have ops reaction.

Actupfishy · 12/09/2021 23:55

Oh do shush Lenny benny!

Just intrusions OP, they are horrible but very common x

Couchbettato · 13/09/2021 00:23

OP when my FIL is really grating on me sometimes the first thing that comes to my mind is "thank god you'll be dead soon". That's absolutely diabolical, but it's not something I think of consciously. It's just something that enters my head to bring me peace about the situation at hand.

I obviously don't want him to die. Though sometimes I do wish he'd retire... Abroad... Where there's no phone signal.

Fangdango · 13/09/2021 01:36

That sort of fleeting thought isn't a reflection of your character.

Ask yourself - if you knew where her mum was and could help, would you? I'm sure you would. That's the real you, if so.