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AIBU?

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Original poster

To remind you that no photography includes you?

151 replies

persee · 12/09/2021 08:42

We went to our daughter’s graduation ceremony yesterday. She was getting her PhD from Oxford. The ceremony is a solemn/traditional one. At the beginning of the ceremony, they said no phones please and no filming or photography. There was a live video being recorded that you can obtain online. It also said this in the degree ceremony handbook.

Why is then, that some people think this rule does not apply to them? A woman in front of us stood up numerous times to video parts of her child’s graduation. Another chap was taking pictures, texting, and had his phone go off loudly.

When dd was up front for her bit in the ceremony, the woman in front was on her phone again. The screen was distracting from being able to focus on the degree ceremony.

OP posts:
AtomHeartMotherOfGod · 12/09/2021 10:39

@NoSquirrels

Some people are rude, entitled fuckers, alas.
This is the only response. I love also @mokojolo's wit in saying:

'It's ironic that social media produces such antisocial twats.'

Classic! It's hard to know how it can be dealt with actually. People are increasingly concerned with the recording of life experiences for attention, over truly living and experiencing. I love being with friends who don't feel the need to document that we were at this party, or that restaurant together, to the extent that now if I see people showing off who they've been hanging out with (because they're soooo popular), I assume more that they are crippled with insecurity. And don't get me started on the 'Looks amazing! So sorry we couldn't make it' people in the comments of any photos that have emerged.

PattyPan · 12/09/2021 10:41

Yanbu, people are idiots. I have also graduated from Oxford and while I’m not sure I’d use the word solemn (I was definitely suppressing a giggle during some of the bowing) it’s definitely a very formal and ritualised occasion. The audience need to remember it’s not about them and behave themselves!

grafittiartist · 12/09/2021 10:43

Oo- people being on their phones at things like this really bugs me!
It's so rude.
From the stage- the light from a phone is visible- not fair on those whose event/ show it is.

ThatSunnyCorner · 12/09/2021 10:46

@Wavypurple

There was the standard no cheering or getting out of your seat rule at my sister’s graduation.

One graduate walked across the stage and her whole family of five stood up absolutely SCREAMING, shouting and cheering. So much so that they didn’t sit down for about a minute, long after she was across the stage.

My sister walked across the stage after this person and we completely missed her. Didn’t even realise she had already walked across until the end of the ceremony and we realised she was after this person whose family were screaming. I was absolutely devastated.

The rules are there for a reason YANBU it is so irritating when people think that they’re special and rules don’t apply to them.

But no-one is saying they want to stand up and scream. They are just saying they want a photograph.
chaosrabbitland · 12/09/2021 10:47

it wouldnt bother me , not everyone has the money or inclination to buy and then watch a whole video ,when they can just take a couple of simple pictures , as others have pointed out these vids are just money generators anyway ,

toolazytothinkofausername · 12/09/2021 10:48

You say they were taking a video. Perhaps they were live streaming it via WhatsApp (or similar) to relatives abroad that couldn't travel.

Whitefire · 12/09/2021 10:50

@MauveMavis

I don't understand the obsession with getting a picture of the moment you (or your child) gets biffed on the head with a book/ john knox's trousers or the beneficent hand of some university worthy.

Surely the pictures that are needed are the ones taken afterwards - with the graduands in their gowns, with their mates with big smiles on their faces?

When we cleared our family home all the stupid graduation videos went in the bin (my Mum had amassed quite a collection as we all have at least two degrees) but we did all keep some of the pratting about in our gowns pictures.

I found some lovely ones of me with people I"m still close to 20+ years later.

I agree, why is the handing over seem such a pivotal moment? I presume those graduation videos were never watched again, but the other photos are much more treasured.
JudgeJ · 12/09/2021 10:55

Surely the Rules don't apply to Moi!!

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 12/09/2021 10:56

I went to a Bob Dylan concert a few years ago. The audience were warned to not use their phones in the performance. One’s who did were spoken to and told that if they got their phones out again, they would be removed from the venue.
It’s was brilliant.

LookAtMoiPloise · 12/09/2021 10:58

@chaosrabbitland

it wouldnt bother me , not everyone has the money or inclination to buy and then watch a whole video ,when they can just take a couple of simple pictures , as others have pointed out these vids are just money generators anyway ,
This.
ConsulTremas · 12/09/2021 10:58

I was in a theatre audience when the woman in front of me’s phone kept making notification noises. Every time she’d get it out, check it, put it back, utterly totally oblivious to the fact that it might disturb other people around her. But hey, at the end of the day, she wanted to do it, so why the hell shouldn’t she?

Thankfully I saw the usher speaking to her during the interval and she didn’t come back for the second half.

Whitefire · 12/09/2021 10:58

@toolazytothinkofausername

You say they were taking a video. Perhaps they were live streaming it via WhatsApp (or similar) to relatives abroad that couldn't travel.
I'm inclined to just say 'tough luck', always was and always will be that not everyone can be there, why the absolute need to focus on the part that is far in the distance and completely impersonal, you are simply a name on a long list of others.

However I have been prompted to go and see if I can actually find my degree certificate. probably in my National Record of Achievement

SurferRona · 12/09/2021 10:59

This is just outrageous OP. It’s not on, is it? I mean, it’s probably ok for those other more ....plebeian universities- but Oxford?! I think you should write to the vice-chancellor, maybe they should introduce searches, or make people leave their phones at home. And put in those metal detectors LA schools had a few years back to stop violent crime. That should work.

DottyHarmer · 12/09/2021 10:59

I don’t understand the posters making excuses. So what if you can’t afford a video or relatives are in Timbuktu. Nothing gives someone the right to block another’s view when it’s been requested not to stand up/video etc.

Antsinyourpanta · 12/09/2021 11:02

That sort if thing irks me as well. The rules should apply to everyone or else theres no point having them. Worse are people using iPads to film and block other peoples view

fallfallfall · 12/09/2021 11:03

Why….well because the ceremony is long and boring. I’d certainly not want to shell out money for the video. The “official” photographer caught the back of my daughters head. I have no photos.

RacistAngst · 12/09/2021 11:04

Errgg... It's Oxford and studenst having their diploma for a PhD....
I doubt any of them would struggle to afford to pay for said video.....

There are ample opportunities to take photos before and after too. But when people stand up to take a photo and stop you from watching your child getting their diploma, that will be hard to replace....

RacistAngst · 12/09/2021 11:07

@fallfallfall

Why….well because the ceremony is long and boring. I’d certainly not want to shell out money for the video. The “official” photographer caught the back of my daughters head. I have no photos.
Then don't go? No one is forcing you to go to a ceremony you don't want to attend. And your 'need' to take photos of your adult dc (or occupying yourself because 'it's boring') doesnt trump the wish of others to be able to simply SEE their own dcs getting their diploma.
RacistAngst · 12/09/2021 11:07

@persee, I would have told the person in front that was stopping you from seeing your own dc to sit down tbh.

PattyPan · 12/09/2021 11:08

@toolazytothinkofausername

You say they were taking a video. Perhaps they were live streaming it via WhatsApp (or similar) to relatives abroad that couldn't travel.
My graduation was pre covid but it was live streamed for free as you only get a certain number of tickets anyway. I assume that’s still the case.
LookAtMoiPloise · 12/09/2021 11:08

God, some seriously uptight fuckers on this thread 😂

nellly · 12/09/2021 11:11

I used to feel like this about graduation until my sister in law worked in the office for a big uni organising the ceremonies. There were a surprising number of students coming in to say their parents couldn't afford ceremony tickets and gowns etc. A lot tried to scrimp and save from their student loans and part time jobs. The parents on minimum wage/benefits can't afford the official videos and photos which are all crazy expensive. I have no problem with them discreetly getting a pic or video to be honest as long as they're not using flash or disturbing others

Unfashionable · 12/09/2021 11:16

I would assume the ‘no photographs’ rule was commercially motivated to enable the university to sell ‘official’ photos, so I would ignore it. Why should I line their pockets?

TedImgoingmad · 12/09/2021 11:22

@Coogee

I thought Oxford awarded DPhils rather than a PhDs?
yes
youngandbroken · 12/09/2021 11:22

I can understand not taking photos at schools where there could be a child whos life would be irrevocably damaged by another parent inadvertanly sharing a picture with them in the background, so it is feasible that there are also students at university who could have similar problems.