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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To remind you that no photography includes you?

151 replies

persee · 12/09/2021 08:42

We went to our daughter’s graduation ceremony yesterday. She was getting her PhD from Oxford. The ceremony is a solemn/traditional one. At the beginning of the ceremony, they said no phones please and no filming or photography. There was a live video being recorded that you can obtain online. It also said this in the degree ceremony handbook.

Why is then, that some people think this rule does not apply to them? A woman in front of us stood up numerous times to video parts of her child’s graduation. Another chap was taking pictures, texting, and had his phone go off loudly.

When dd was up front for her bit in the ceremony, the woman in front was on her phone again. The screen was distracting from being able to focus on the degree ceremony.

OP posts:
HipTightOnions · 12/09/2021 09:40

@Bluntness100

No photo rule is batshit, people will want yo take photos of such an important time in their child’s life. For me that would be more important than some ludicrous rule.
There’s your answer OP. “People want to”. Sod everyone else.
CoastalMum101 · 12/09/2021 09:41

francescacontini because I’ve been to loads of them. They’re solemn in the way weddings are solemn - lots of twatting about in Latin and head patting but equally lots of giggling and happiness. It’s hardly a state funeral.

JollyHostess · 12/09/2021 09:42

If I remember rightly from my sister's graduation from Oxford, it's not only the distraction factor it's that the Sheldonian Theatre that the ceremony takes place in is a Grade 1 listed building. Even 30 years ago there were rules about no flash photography.

ArtemisiaVulgaris · 12/09/2021 09:43

Many people are rude and selfish these days. They're also less likely to adhere to these types of rules. Not quite feral, more like free range.

MrsMaizel · 12/09/2021 09:48

Graduations are boring though and really you only have that brief time of interest when it is your child. It really wouldn't have bothered me for someone to stand up to get a quick photo of their child as I'm not interested in them. With phones being used now it is so much better than the click of cameras and much more discreet . Let them have their minute or even seconds to do this .

Mrgrinch · 12/09/2021 09:50

I'd ignore this rule. It would be worth it to me to have the pictures of my daughter's greatest achievement. I don't see the big deal to be honest, ceremonies like that are often quite boring and people would only be interested in photographing their own graduate anyway.

seaandsandcastles · 12/09/2021 09:52

I’d do it. I want my own photos.

Wavypurple · 12/09/2021 09:54

There was the standard no cheering or getting out of your seat rule at my sister’s graduation.

One graduate walked across the stage and her whole family of five stood up absolutely SCREAMING, shouting and cheering. So much so that they didn’t sit down for about a minute, long after she was across the stage.

My sister walked across the stage after this person and we completely missed her. Didn’t even realise she had already walked across until the end of the ceremony and we realised she was after this person whose family were screaming. I was absolutely devastated.

The rules are there for a reason YANBU it is so irritating when people think that they’re special and rules don’t apply to them.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 12/09/2021 09:56

YABU, they've paid several thousands of pounds to get to their graduation, now they want to fleece them out of more money to obtain a video?

FlyingSoHigh · 12/09/2021 09:59

They'd have to tie me down to stop me taking a photo of my daughter's graduation, which is in 3 weeks in Oxford (after a long wait due to covid). I'll let you know how it goes. Smile.

TillyTopper · 12/09/2021 10:05

Fantastic that your DD got her PhD. But my advice would be don't let a few entitled twats take away from the joy of the day!

TomFuckery · 12/09/2021 10:05

@midsomermurderess

A PhD graduation at Oxford, you say? Why Celia you must be so proud of Caroline
I chortled
NoSquirrels · 12/09/2021 10:07

Why does everyone want a photo of the exact moment they hand you the degree, though?

All the best graduation photos are the ones outside with your family and friends, surely?

Backtomyoldname · 12/09/2021 10:11

Same at a wedding I went to recently.

Friend of mother of bride standing throughout ceremony… click click click.

This was after registrar had said no photography.

lazylinguist · 12/09/2021 10:12

If they're standing up and taking a snap of their kid when they are receiving their aware, I don't see the problem - no one else is going to care are they?

It's not up to individuals to decide whether it's a problem or not, because they don't make the rules. People need to bloody well learn to do as they're told in this kind of situation and not just assume that what they fancy doing and consider to be 'fine' may not actually be fine, for any number of possible reasons (about which it's not even their job to speculate). The entitlement is astonishing.

Lorw · 12/09/2021 10:15

Same with weddings, they say no photography and there is always some entitled person thinking that rule doesn’t apply to them, then they are always the ones who post them on Facebook when the bride and groom have requested nobody does it and ruins it for those who haven’t seen them yet 😒

Though I must say I went to a wedding one time and the brides sister had a proper go at the grooms aunt who did just that while the B&G were having their photos taken and she looked ever so sheepish.

OhWhyNot · 12/09/2021 10:18

It’s such a huge moment in your child’s life of course parents want to take a personal photo

Stupid rule who wants a video of the whole ceremony

BoredZelda · 12/09/2021 10:20

The people who say “it wouldn’t bother me” - that’s not the point. The rules of the occasion, set by the venue and the hosts, are no photography.

It wouldn’t bother me because other people breaking the rules and taking videos is rather inconsequential against the fact my daughter was graduating. That would be my focus and I can’t imagine a petty thing like minor rule breaking distracting me from that. Sure if someone had an iPad up blocking my view I’d ask them to move it, but other than that it seems rather immature to be so wound up about what others are doing.

People bang on about people using phones rather than just being in the moment. The same applies to anyone who misses the moment because they are so incensed that others are using phones.

Springleaves · 12/09/2021 10:22

There have always been people who think they are above rules, happened at all my dc nativity plays, ceremonies etc.
I was always the one with a neck strain trying to see around the mum/dad waving a phone around. It is distracting.

lottiegarbanzo · 12/09/2021 10:22

People are oafs.

There's plenty of opportunity for photos afterwards. The striding across the stage part is hard to photograph well anyway.

If the institution wants to operate a 'no photos' rule, it needs an active team of ushers, quick to intervene, as theatres have.

Asking but not enforcing just means the rule-abiding miss out and get upset, while the 'me first' people get what they want and see others as weak and stupid for not doing the same.

I'd raise that point with the institution. If you'd have been willing to pay more for your ticket, so you they could pay a team of ushers, say so.

cunningartificer · 12/09/2021 10:27

Actually as well as the video you can get a picture of the actual moment of award—close up and far better than what you could do with your phone even if you were in the front row. That’s what we did, and I agree about the annoyance of people rule breaking when you stick to them. You may think it makes no difference of it’s just you, but when everyone does it you get a situation as described by PP when someone then misses out on their child’s special moment.

DottyHarmer · 12/09/2021 10:27

It was ds’s graduation yesterday. Some people are absolutely entitled.

One couple, after seeing their dc graduate, stood up and started slowly putting on jackets, blocking everyone’s view. Unbelievable. Really rude to leave the minute you’ve seen your child and not politely clap the others.

shesellsseacats · 12/09/2021 10:28

I thought this was going to be a reminder that if you're always the one taking the photos of your family, you're never in them.

It's really easy for us camera shy types to hide behind the camera, or even if you're not camera shy, to just forget to include yourself every so often.

But it's important for your children - and possibly you in years to come - to have some pictures that show you were actually there with them!

MauveMavis · 12/09/2021 10:36

I don't understand the obsession with getting a picture of the moment you (or your child) gets biffed on the head with a book/ john knox's trousers or the beneficent hand of some university worthy.

Surely the pictures that are needed are the ones taken afterwards - with the graduands in their gowns, with their mates with big smiles on their faces?

When we cleared our family home all the stupid graduation videos went in the bin (my Mum had amassed quite a collection as we all have at least two degrees) but we did all keep some of the pratting about in our gowns pictures.

I found some lovely ones of me with people I"m still close to 20+ years later.

Neonplant · 12/09/2021 10:38

I don't think telling random people on mumsnet is going to help. You needed to tell the people yesterday. Really passive aggressive.