To regret having a child.

[Changeychangey1234]

My DS is 16 months old. He's never slept through the night. I'm knackered- so knackered I constantly feel sick and can't string a sentence together. My DH is knackered too - his work is insanely busy and he's often awake in the night too. We're too tired to function as a couple. I miss him.

DS has 2 x 40 min naps a day and a 7pm bed time. He used to wake at 2am for a feed, then sleep til 6am. Not perfect, but not awful. Now, he sleeps from 7pm - 4.30am.

The room is dark and quiet, the temperature is constant. 4.30am is killing me. I've talked DH into doing the odd early get up, but I can't get back to sleep once I'm awake any more.

DS is very active all day and hates being indoors. The days are long and very busy. I miss my old life and friends, but I'm just too tired to do the sport I used to.

He doesn't go to nursery as there are no spaces at the moment that mean I can work (9am - 3pm only at this age - very rural location, no family nearby). I miss work so much.

Mine only slept about 9hrs at night so they've always had late bedtime. Much to the horror of everyone I know.
So they'll do 9pm earliest bedtime.

Is that doable?

Kids are nightmares when they don't sleep.

Oh lovely it’s so tough. Sending hugs. Our daughter is similar but asleep at 8 up through the night and up at 5 30 for good.

Just keep going it will get easier eventually

@BathMatToe he's never made it past 7.30pm with out being a tantruming mess - even when he was tiny, he'd literally pass out wherever at 7pm.

I tried keeping him awake longer, but then he'd wake in 2 hr cycles of crying until we went back to 7.30pm.

I'm tempted to go to bed when DS does, but I'd be going to bed as my DH gets in from work. I'm not sure it'd have a good impact on out relationship. I swear I feel like I'm juggling soup.

It will get easier and one day you will actually find it fun!

I don’t think many people don’t have periods of regret in the first 18 months of so but honestly the worst is done and it will get bettter.

It really sounds like you need some childcare for a break and so that you can work. Have you considered everything? Moving so you are near childcare? A childminder? An au pair? Getting a job near a nursery?

I have to get up at 430 for work. I go to bed about 8 to make sure I get enough sleep. Could you do that?

I'd go to bed when he does, at least for a while - get some sleep and your relationship might improve anyway?

My son went through a period of waking up at 4am. I actually started to put him to bed earlier - 6pm and he started making it through to 5.30 ish which was better. Once we had done that for a few weeks I started to push his bedtime backwards again (it takes a few weeks to work) so we ended up with 7-6.30.

@TolkiensFallow I've considered all sorts.

My family are 4hrs away, DHs family couldn't be trusted with a pot plant (long story, but not an option, live an hour away).

Most nurseries are 3-4 only here, so child minders etc are hugely oversubscribed. We're on a few of waiting lists - we're 10th on one of them!

I can't afford to move - we also live in a stunning area that will be fantastic for my DS as he gets older (we're in a National park), so lots of space to explore. We moved here as it's close to my husband's work and for the outdoor lifestyle before we even considered kids. The local schools are both outstanding.

I'm resigned to the fact that I won't be able to work until he is 3 years old, but at least it's something to aim for.

@Crimblecrumble1990 I've been debating this. Did you keep all of your son's usual naps too? 7-6.30 sounds amazing.

I think it'll have to be an early bedtime for me fir a few nights a week. Why do the days of being young and snatching 3-4 hours sleep after crawling in at 3am seem so long ago?

I have a 14 month old who also has never slept through the night, so I completely understand how you feel.

Maybe he'll sleep a bit longer at night if you gently try to get rid of one of the naps? My DS is sleeping much later into the morning since we dropped to one 1.5hr nap.

10th on a waiting list sounds good!!! Good luck!

@Changeychangey1234

Yes we kept the same naps. I actually read about trying an earlier bedtime on here I think! Seems to counter productive but does work for some babies. Good luck.

DD only started sleeping though at 2.5yrs! I'm in her bed with her atm seeing if she'll sleep a bit more because she went to sleep late (8:20 rather than 7:00) but at least she did the whole 9.5 hours straight in her own bed rather than getting in with us at 2/3am. She had a big day yesterday so absolutely wiped out

At about 17 months she started dropping her nap altogether. 2 naps and a early bedtime seems a lot of sleep to me, does he go down easily?

Could you all do 7 til 4.30. I know it sounds mad. Can your husband start / finish work really early?

Our first was solidly committed to the 430am waking. We tried everything. He slept in a hermetically sealed room, we tried keeping him up, putting him to bed early. Nothing worked. My husband and I did shifts, taking it in turns to get up at 4.30 while the other one slept till 6 (which felt like a lie in). I know it sounds counter intuitive but try and go out to do your sport once a week. I found despite the exhaustion leaving the house on my own to exercise really helped. It won’t last forever, he is 9 now and enjoys sleep. These days feel like forever. But they do pass

I would look at dropping the morning nap. Bring the afternoon nap back a bit. It will be tricky if he is up at 4.30 but he might start combining naps so you could have an hour in the day

Its honestly a killer. Ds didn't sleep through until he was about 3. It's so cliche but it will pass.

I would suggest going to bed at 7pm. Even if it just for a few nights. Or say 2 or 3 regular nights a week. Dh can go to ds if he wakes up, say between 7pm and midnight. Or even all night on those nights. And you do the others.

Once you are getting some regular, long sleeps it won't feel as bad and then the other nights, you can spend some time with Dp so you don't feel you miss each other.

Its not going to be forever. But its so much better to get the sleep and have less time with dp, but where you both are not knackered and actually feel like it's quality time.

And it will pass. Before you know it, you will be back at work, ds will be in some childcare and in some ways you will miss this time.

Good luck and you are not alone.

Just posted on a very similar thread! A sleep consultant advised us that early wakes are generally caused by overtiredness, so I'd try an earlier bedtime as suggested by an earlier poster. My daughter wakes at 5.30 and I'm in bed at 9! It's rubbish because I don't like losing half my eve but better than being like a zombie! X

Get a proper sleep trainer. Spend the money. It’s so worth it. Don’t listen to all this mums must sacrifice their mental health and not sleep for 3 years bullshit.

My DD dropped to 1 nap at 13 months (I think), she did it by herself, it improved her night time sleep, maybe think about trying to encourage a consolidated nap in the middle of the day instead. Some kids though just don’t need that much sleep. Mine has a normal amount fo sleep but very much on the bottom end. If you are still feeding him at night consider dropping that.

Hi OP. As someone whose DD went through a period of very early waking you have my sympathy and solidarity. It is very hard. It gradually got better for us and when she was 2 we introduced a Gro Clock which kept her in bed until the sun came up on it. She is now 4.5 and still wakes before 6 but stays in bed until 6:30 with the Gro Clock.

Some children do wake very early. Going to bed early, even a few days a week, sounds sensible. I know you're worried about being able to see DH but you sound like you need sleep more right now and it's not forever.

As pp have said, two 40 minute naps at 16 months sound unusual. Both of my children were on single lunch time naps by that age. DS is 18 months and sleeps for up to 3 hours at lunch time. The quality of his nap directly affects the quality of his night time sleep. However, I appreciate that all children are different.

Even though it doesn't feel like it I promise it gets better.

@olderthanyouthink We dropped to 1 nap for a few weeks, but it was counter productive and he woke up every few hours and couldn't link sleep cycles. At his worst, we had nights of waking every 20 mins from 2am

He goes to sleep easily and is definitely tired - he's either playing outdoors, 'helping' with the garden or riding his balance bike all of the time he is awake. He'll walk a mile without any issues. We're an active family - think fell walking, climbing, bike rides etc. He's always come with us on adventures.

He doesn't sit still long enough to get away with TV in the morning (not for lack of trying).

He will only nap outdoors in the pushchair (I've tried everything to get him to sleep inside - he prefers to be bundled in there even in a northern winter.)

The first two years are incredibly hard and you are in the eye of the storm. The pressure on a relationship is hard but keep talking.

It does get better. Honestly. In the meantime have a few early nights. Not every night so you see your husband but a good free early nights a week.

What are you doing when he wakes up? He might just need to be ignored more... I'm speaking from experience of thinking ds had an unfixable night waking, employing a sleep consultant, being told to do controlled crying when though it wasn't a bedtime thing, and him not even crying really. I think my trying to get him back to sleep was fueling the wake up.

He doesn't sit still long enough to get away with TV in the morning (not for lack of trying)

Reading this made me smile this morning, our DS (15m) will not sit still either. This morning he woke at 6am so I gave him an oaty peanut butter bar thing and put a cartoon on my phone hoping he’d lay there but nope jumping around in the cot that’s prepped for DS2😬.

The two naps you have, where are they in the day?

Ours is just one nap before/after lunch depending on what time he wakes up. Sometimes it’s 40 minutes and sometimes it’s 1.5hours theres no pattern. But he’s in bed by 6:30 and guaranteed asleep by 7. Then unless he’s ill he sleeps until 6-6:30am.

We used to be stuck in the pram nap thing, until I put my foot down when we found out we were expecting DS2. He will sleep eventually, even inside, but obviously there will be hell for a day or two. I don’t know what your bedroom set up is like but to transition from all pram naps to bed naps I just let him get tired as hell and led on his bed (it’s a day bed so he can climb in and out) then he would play around the room and come back to me for cuddles, eventually flopping on the bed exhausted. After a few goes like that he was suddenly ok at sleeping in the bed.