To regret having a child.

[Changeychangey1234]

My DS is 16 months old. He's never slept through the night. I'm knackered- so knackered I constantly feel sick and can't string a sentence together. My DH is knackered too - his work is insanely busy and he's often awake in the night too. We're too tired to function as a couple. I miss him.

DS has 2 x 40 min naps a day and a 7pm bed time. He used to wake at 2am for a feed, then sleep til 6am. Not perfect, but not awful. Now, he sleeps from 7pm - 4.30am.

The room is dark and quiet, the temperature is constant. 4.30am is killing me. I've talked DH into doing the odd early get up, but I can't get back to sleep once I'm awake any more.

DS is very active all day and hates being indoors. The days are long and very busy. I miss my old life and friends, but I'm just too tired to do the sport I used to.

He doesn't go to nursery as there are no spaces at the moment that mean I can work (9am - 3pm only at this age - very rural location, no family nearby). I miss work so much.

I have just moved my DS’s bedtime forward an hour. So he used to sleep 7:30pm to 5:30am (with at least 2 gets up) and now he sleeps 6:30pm to 6:30am (with one get up).
I know it seems counterintuitive but it’s really working for me!

What is a hermetically sealed room @Starfish1021?

Is there a reason you can't go to bed at the same time as your DS? Yes hes getting up early but you're having to aswel so to remain functioning go to bed at the same time then once you're feeling more human you can try tweaking.

@FTEngineerM our naps are at 10am and 3pm and vary between 40 mins and an hour for either.

Outdoor naps work well at the moment as he comes to work with me 2x a week (outdoor job in a huge, safe space). He also comes on walks and rides so will nap in the carrier or the van.

We sleep trained initially using CIO. We've been trying 20 min cycles in the morning, but he just screams mama or dada continually now whilst shaking the cot bars.

He has agreed appropriate soft toys, but shows absolutely no interest in them. He has never taken to a soft toy or a dummy.

Go to bed when he does!!! My goodness!! Both my dc are early risers - 4.30am - 5.30am was the norm for them at 16 months. You do what you have to do! Doesn't have to be every single night - once you've caught up a bit you can stay up a bit later and spend some quality time with dh, maybe once or twice a week / at weekends. But your relationship is not going to be helped by being chronically sleep deprived! This phase does pass and once they've got you nicely trained to be up at the crack of dawn, they start sleeping in a bit later while you continue to struggle to sleep past 5am yourself (at least - this is my experience ).

My 6 year old is a 5-5.30 riser, always has been. I am so tired. I wish I had an answer. Sorry.

You have my sympathy! I have a 14 month old who still wakes in the night. Some nights he sleeps 11 hours, some he sleeps 9. We have no consistency.
The only thing I'd suggest is to go to bed even once or twice a week at 8pm. That way you've got 2 nights to play catch up, and 5 nights to see DH. I did this when DS was younger, it was the only way I could get up the next morning. I didn't see DH very often but it was survival at the time😆I still so this occasionally on a teething week with little sleep.

It's tough with no family around.. we're the exact same. My family would've helped loads had they been close (I live abroad) and DH's mum would have been the same (she's a 4 hour car drive away)
Last night, DH and I planned a night together (movie, popcorn). DS decided he didn't fancy going to sleep at 8 and we couldn't get him down until 9:30 by which time I was exhausted from his 6am rising and 3 wake ups the night before so we sacked off the night and both went to bed!

I've heard it gets easier from 2 so I'm holding out for that 😅

I have twins that sleep 7pm to 430am - it's better than waking in the middle of night/early hours. - I also work a full time challenging pressured job involving lots of domestic travel. I go to bed between 830 and 9 - it's not forever. If you go to bed at 9pm you'd be getting over 7 hours sleep and that will help with the tiredness

I know this sounds counter productive, but have you tried rousing ds about an hour before he wakes?

When ds went through a stage of waking at half 5 (usually half 6) I set an alarm for 4am and would give him a prod/turn him enough for him to make a little protest noise. This seemed to reset him into a deep sleep and we got the extra hour sleep from him. We did for a few days then left him.

I am in a similar boat to you. My DD is six months and doesn’t sleep very well at night, last night I was awoken at 11,12.1.30, 2,3,4 and up at 5 which is her get up time. I’m have regular hallucinations and feel depressed. I try and go bed when she does but now cant switch off as my body is so used to not sleeping. I now rely on sleeping pills. It’s a nightmare from which I can’t wake up from.

It gets better op, there is light at the end of the tunnel, you just can't see it at the moment. Get your dd on a waiting list for nursery. Also look into childcare so you can go back to work pt. I was very similar to yourself and honestly thought life was over. But looking back the hard parts do end quickly and you can start to enjoy your dc.

I went back to work when you dc was 12 months, I was knackered but it kept me sane. I also claimed back a % of the child care via benefits (it's worth looking into) and claimed all my free hours. My dc is a teenager now and she's ace, but the baby and toddler years I really struggled with.

I would try bringing bedtime forward and then trying to push it back again slowly maybe by 10 minutes a night, like another poster suggested. It does sound like he is overtired.

Another trip, my dc has always been an early riser, I found at that age I put her to bed at 6.30, that meant I got my alone time but she slept better. The later I put her to bed, the earlier she would wake up, but just bloody miserable because she was tired. It doesn't always stand to reason that the later you put them to bed, the later they will rise

Thank you so much for not flaming me everyone. The suggestions are so helpful.

@Fernando072020 they know. I'm sure they know. Mine knows when it's a blimmin Friday night. Every. Damn. Week.

@3WildOnes and everyone else that's suggested it, I'm going to bring bedtime forward by 1/2 hour. It'll mean my DH missing out on bathtime, which he loves, but if it works... it works.

We're camping for a week from next weekend, so you never know, it might reset DS We'll all be sleeping according to daylight hours for 5 nights and in the mountains all day.

Hope the holiday gives you all a reset. I was going to suggest bringing bedtime forward for you and DS. You sound exhausted which isn't healthy or safe. DH can still do bath time but do it on his days off instead.

We had this with my ds. We tried all the solutions mentioned here and nothing worked until he was a bit older and we got a gro clock. I would recommend you going to bed early a few nights. Yes it means you don’t see your dh as often but at least when you do you won’t be shattered. Also try and get back to your sport, it sounds mad but having that bit of space from everything might actually help you feel less overwhelmed.

I found white noise a great help in helping then settle quickly if they woke up from a nap or overnight. My DD often sleeps longer in morning if it’s on. Also, I’d try going to bed when he does maybe 2-3 times a week? Surely your DH would be understanding of that?

I really feel for you, my eldest was horrendous, I'm pretty sure for 2/2.5 years I didn't sleep for more than 2 hours consecutively. She didn't sleep through the night until she was 3.5 and unfortunately still often wakes up now she's 5! My younger one is a bit better.

I know you've said you've tried dropping the second nap, both mine went to an after lunch nap only at around this age. Also I know you said about not wanting to go to bed so early, but really it might be worth doing in the short term to save your sanity. Lack of sleep affects every aspect of your life. It will get better, I promise.

We had multiple wake ups at that age so I'd happily take a 4.30am wake up providing I wasn't up in the night. Agree with the comments about going to bed earlier, it's crap but often necessary.

I'd look at his nap times - 3pm seems late for a 7pm bedtime especially with an early start. I'd be trying to get him down to 1 nap in the late morning and moving bedtime forward.

I’m with @Rugsofhonour here. Go to bed when he does. It’s rubbish, antisocial and not what you might want to do, but embrace the early bedtime, and get up at 4.30 with him.

I was exhausted with my first trying to live my life like before and getting baby to fit in. Embrace the change and you will feel better for it. It is only short term, and sleep will help. I now love my early morning routine.

Using the holiday to reset will help too. Definitely worth a go. You should find he is much better behaved because he’s busy experiencing lots of new things, he may even go to bed later and sleep through better.

It is a phase, it will get better. But yes, parenting is rubbish at times, and it’s normal to feel the way you do. Have a great break!

The reason he’s exhausted at seven is because he is so early up. You need to start shifting his bed time in half hour increments. He’s a great sleeper he’s going through nine and a half hours straight. The issue is he goes to bed so early.

You need to stop him napping during the day completely for a little while then reintroduce 1 nap from 1 pm for 30/45 minutes no longer.

It’s so hard isn’t it. I wouldn’t change the naps, as an over tired child will be even worse for sleep.

As others have said, it won’t we like this forever, it will get easier. But that doesn’t help you at the moment I know.

You don’t have family close by, do you have anyone who could help you get a break for a couple of hours once a week? Or every so often, go out for dinner with your DH, to give you both a break and some time together. A babysitter that you can trust?

My DS was a v difficult baby too so I totally get how you are feeling, luckily for us MIL was an absolute angel and really helped us. I often used to sleep when he slept to help with the tiredness, could you try that? I did miss the evenings with DH though, but it did help, we worked out a shift system between us. I remember those days really well, the exhaustion, feeling like a zombie, I also had another DS under two at the time.

Good luck OP, you sound like a lovely mum, things will work out ok, it will just take a little time

I won't pretend to know how you feel OP, because DD was always a pretty good sleeper. But - when she started to wake early we did this and it was miraculous. I only did it about 3 times, I think and she was sorted.
Worth a try at least.