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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so upset

63 replies

OkSpiritualknot · 11/09/2021 21:59

OK. Embarrassed só namechange. So I fell over in the road yesterday, just as I reached the curb, whilst carrying 3 bags of groceries.

Bags went everywhere, ended up flat in the road, with blood on knee and scraped hands.

Sat on curb, shaken, next to 3 men, maybe 30s....who carried on chatting. They were inches behind me.

Am old lady asked if I was okay and in shock I just pointed at the men and "look at these 3 chatting" . She was in disbelief as well.

I had to ask them to help me up, one did. But all the time just acting as if everything was normal. I picked up the bags myself... I got to my front door, only about 10 feet away.. Realised my glasses had fallen off. A man (not one of the 3), saw my glasses, picked them up and gave them to me.

I burst into tears when I got in.

So I've got scraped hands, a bloody knee. Bad neck pains as my head went back when I fell. Also a broken pair of sandles

I haven't been out today... Kinda scared I might trip again. I'm 60. I said to them that they could have least have picked up the groceries, (Thinking, yknow, if they didn't want to touch me.)

How can anyone resist helping someone like that? AIBU for still being upset over 24 hours after it happened?

OP posts:
Original poster
OkSpiritualknot · 11/09/2021 22:00

OK, so not name changed... Don't know how it works
.. Past caring anyway...

OP posts:
BobsBurgersisthebest · 11/09/2021 22:02

I'm so sorry this happened to you. Some people are idiots. You have every right to feel upset. Big hugs.

Haudyourwheesht · 11/09/2021 22:02

Maybe they felt you'd be more embarrassed if they offered to help? It can be hard to know what to do in that situation.

Hope you're feeling a bit better. Thanks

UndecidedPoster · 11/09/2021 22:03

Aww so sorry your experienced that. I hope you heal quickly, physically and otherwise.

Try not to think about those men.

MouseRoar · 11/09/2021 22:03

Oh what a shock, you poor thing. Unfortunate that you happened to do it beside three useless idiots, I don't know what people like that are thinking. Go easy on yourself today, treat yourself to something, and just be glad you won't have to see those three again.

Claphands · 11/09/2021 22:03

Aww, bless you, they were utter idiots for not helping you, grown men! Whenever you fall unexpectedly it’s always a shock, treat yourself to something nice tomorrow and be careful of you banged your head or your neck gets worse.

Hopdathelf · 11/09/2021 22:03

Of course it would have been nice if they helped you and it would have been the right thing to do and what most people would have done. However they have no obligation to do so. You’ve taken this very much to heart, perhaps more than you should do. It’s not personal. I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time with it.

prisscalledwanda · 11/09/2021 22:04

What a horrible thing to happen to you. Falling over is always upsetting. Everyone has done it and it gives you such a shock. You have no reason to be embarrassed and those men are oblivious idiots. Please dont give them a moment more of your time. Give yourself some extra care tonight (bath, wine etc) and then ignore them, brush yourself off, and move on. ThanksWine

Brollypackedforscottishholiday · 11/09/2021 22:04

Tbf op maybe they were worried you thought they were muggers /carrying Covid....
Sorry you had a rubbish experience though.

RedHelenB · 11/09/2021 22:06

Maybe they didn't realise you couldn't get up by yourself? I would be more appalled if they hadn't helped you when you asked. Although living where I am I think the offer to help would be forthcoming.

Wizzbangfizz · 11/09/2021 22:07

This is horrible, and I'm sorry. Several years ago I fell over and broke my arm and people couldn't have been kinder - not all people are horrible. Thanks

Cherryana · 11/09/2021 22:08

I am sorry you experienced that. It’s disappointing when people don’t act/react as we hope or how we would envisage ourselves responding.

It could be they were giving you some time to get up yourself, it could be they were too wrapped up in their conversation, it could be they thought the other lady was handling it.

Rest well, speak kindly to yourself and then look at some ways you can take some of your power back so you feel more confident in going out.
Eg different shoes, shopping trolley bag that you wheel along.

flibberyjibbery8 · 11/09/2021 22:08

I would have been upset if my children hadn't helped you. I can't fathom why people don't help others in these circumstances. I'm sorry you're hurting and afraid. I hope you recover well x

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 11/09/2021 22:11

Oh op what a horrible shock for you Flowers

I get why you are focusing on these guys, they are a something tangible to place your anger on.

They could have had any number of reasons for not helping, they may have thought you were drunk and could get abusive, they may not have noticed, been paranoid either for themselves or you about covid, or they may, indeed, just have been ignorant.

Try going for a walk close by tomorrow, the longer you leave it the more nervous you will be.

TheVolturi · 11/09/2021 22:11

Oh my goodness! Chivalry is actually dead! How could they ignore you? Absolute knobs. I am sending you a hug op! I hope you're ok.

Babyroobs · 11/09/2021 22:11

Yes I think it would be normal behaviour to help someone. I've seen numerous people fall and would help. I fell over in the road last year, similar to you but without shopping. I dropped my dogs lead and immediately an older lady caught my dog and held onto her until I had got myself up etc.
I hope you are feeling better soon.

Pallisers · 11/09/2021 22:14

@Hopdathelf

Of course it would have been nice if they helped you and it would have been the right thing to do and what most people would have done. However they have no obligation to do so. You’ve taken this very much to heart, perhaps more than you should do. It’s not personal. I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time with it.
well they were under no LEGAL obligation but is that what we are reduced to now? No legal obligation to do anything - we might as well start the hunger games.

A woman falls over and hurts herself and spills her groceries and it isn't personal when 3 fellow human beings stand by and ignore it? I've tripped and been nearby when others have tripped and have never been ignored or seen other ignored.

OP, you haven't taken this too much to heart. you are shocked and shaken from your fall and upset that you encountered such horrible people. Try to remember you met one nice one too.

UrghSchool · 11/09/2021 22:14
Flowers

YANBU it's just common decency. Even just asking if you're ok would have reassured you. I'm sorry it's making you feel shitty. You have nothing to be embarrassed about. Treat yourself to a nice long bath, chocolate and the rest. 🤗

UserAtLargeAgain · 11/09/2021 22:14

I went to help someone who fell over once. They shouted and swore at me that they were perfectly fine and what was my problem?

I'm now a bit reticent about helping strangers.

GoodSister · 11/09/2021 22:15

A similar thing happened to me OP, a couple of years ago, it had snowed and I rushed out of the house in my slippers to give our bin men a Xmas tip. I handed the money over, turned round to go back in the house and fell flat on my face! And the bin men didn’t help me! I think I just bruised my knees but I couldn’t understand why they didn’t offer me a hand back up. But I do think that in the vast majority of situations like this people are generally very helpful x

BonyN · 11/09/2021 22:15

Op I fell over spectacularly with a bag of shopping going flying recently. Two of my dcs were crying it was so bad. A woman just sat on a bench less than 20 ft away staring at me. It's horrible but says more about them than it does you.

Original poster
OkSpiritualknot · 11/09/2021 22:16

I thought about getting a shopping trolley today.

I've told myself I probably fell very gracefully and that they thought I was okay... It did feel a bit slow motion. The old lady didn't reach me for a while. The men had lots of time to intervene.

It was all a bit surreal. I can't fathom how they didn't automatically try to help. Like a reflex thing.

I spoke with someone afterwards, you really do turn invisible after a certain age. Thinking of taking up robbing banks next...might as well make the most of it... Sigh..

OP posts:
Queenie6655 · 11/09/2021 22:17

So so sorry

Angry reading this

Was walking out of a shop not so long ago with my young girl, a man was right on our heels behind us so I started to walk faster
My daughter fell and we dropped lots of our shopping
He just sat watching us
I remember feeling so so angry

How dare people act like this around others
Personally covid or no covid I would help and if worried re covid I would try to do something at least to help ie move shopping into bag maybe
Ugh some people are toasters

Queenie6655 · 11/09/2021 22:17

Tossers

HTKB · 11/09/2021 22:20

I think a lot of us go through life thinking that if the chips were really down, our fellow human beings would help us. Mostly we are right, but sometimes something happens to show us we are wrong. And it massively rocks your sense of confidence in the world. It’s like a safety net you thought was there being whipped away. It’s really shocking.

I’m so sorry it’s happened to you. If I’d been there, I would have helped you. You were unlucky that day.