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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so upset

63 replies

OkSpiritualknot · 11/09/2021 21:59

OK. Embarrassed só namechange. So I fell over in the road yesterday, just as I reached the curb, whilst carrying 3 bags of groceries.

Bags went everywhere, ended up flat in the road, with blood on knee and scraped hands.

Sat on curb, shaken, next to 3 men, maybe 30s....who carried on chatting. They were inches behind me.

Am old lady asked if I was okay and in shock I just pointed at the men and "look at these 3 chatting" . She was in disbelief as well.

I had to ask them to help me up, one did. But all the time just acting as if everything was normal. I picked up the bags myself... I got to my front door, only about 10 feet away.. Realised my glasses had fallen off. A man (not one of the 3), saw my glasses, picked them up and gave them to me.

I burst into tears when I got in.

So I've got scraped hands, a bloody knee. Bad neck pains as my head went back when I fell. Also a broken pair of sandles

I haven't been out today... Kinda scared I might trip again. I'm 60. I said to them that they could have least have picked up the groceries, (Thinking, yknow, if they didn't want to touch me.)

How can anyone resist helping someone like that? AIBU for still being upset over 24 hours after it happened?

OP posts:
Original poster
OkSpiritualknot · 11/09/2021 22:20

Sorry to hear others have experienced something similar...

OP posts:
StoneofDestiny · 11/09/2021 22:21

A normal instinct would be to rush and help someone. No idea why these men didn't. Awful.
You are only 60 and clearly not invisible.

BadgeronaMoped · 11/09/2021 22:21

What odd behaviour, I'm so sorry that you experienced that. The fact that they were chatting together suggests that they were perhaps the same "type" (I do not like men like that). It would take me a while to process too, it's very unnerving witnessing just how cold and detached and "it's nothing to do with me" some people can be.

tickledtiger · 11/09/2021 22:21

That’s bollocks op my DH and any of the blokes I know would’ve helped. It adds insult to injury if people just ignore you doesn’t it.
I hope you get a good rest tonight and wake up tomorrow feeling better about if.

Porcupineintherough · 11/09/2021 22:22

YSNBU

It isnt difficult to know what to do in this sort of situation at all. You help. Or at least offer to help. Say something like "Are you ok? Can I help you?"

Only a complete shitheels would do nothing and act as if it was nothing to do with them.

YukoandHiro · 11/09/2021 22:24

"They have no obligation to do so"

What an appalling, depressing thing to say @Hopdathelf - society would break down if everyone thought like you. Thank goodness most of us don't

Sorry this happened OP. Please don't let it hurt your confidence in general. Use it or lose it is a cliche because it's true - ending up stuck inside due to fear is the worst thing for you

DamnUserName21 · 11/09/2021 22:25

You are not invisible.
A lot of people would have helped (me included!)
I do find men (especially 20s/30s) least likely to especially in the UK. Chivalry really is dying!

Original poster
OkSpiritualknot · 11/09/2021 22:28

@HTKB

I think a lot of us go through life thinking that if the chips were really down, our fellow human beings would help us. Mostly we are right, but sometimes something happens to show us we are wrong. And it massively rocks your sense of confidence in the world. It’s like a safety net you thought was there being whipped away. It’s really shocking.

I’m so sorry it’s happened to you. If I’d been there, I would have helped you. You were unlucky that day.

Yes, this is exactly how I feel...
OP posts:
QueenBee52 · 11/09/2021 22:28

@YukoandHiro

"They have no obligation to do so"

What an appalling, depressing thing to say @Hopdathelf - society would break down if everyone thought like you. Thank goodness most of us don't

Sorry this happened OP. Please don't let it hurt your confidence in general. Use it or lose it is a cliche because it's true - ending up stuck inside due to fear is the worst thing for you

I agree.. fucking depressing to read...
Strangevipers · 11/09/2021 22:28

How upsetting OP! This happened to my mum a few years ago in the snow and no one helped her I was so upset even more so than she was when she told me.

Give it a few days and hopefully it won't feel so bad.

Completely agree with you being upset and shaken, those men should of known better and acted like men not little boys.

Hope you feel better soon physically and emotionally

3scape · 11/09/2021 22:28

I dont think there are many people who would help. Probably just whip a phone out and start filming Hmm. Empathy seems to be dead.

Emmylouisa · 11/09/2021 22:29

I am shocked they did nothing. They should be ashamed of themselves. I would have been totally distraught if I had fallen and no one came to assist me. You are right to feel all those emotions. I'm sending you a very warm hug and hope you are feeling better soon. X

userxx · 11/09/2021 22:30

That's really shitty of them, not sure what's happened to people these days.

QueenBee52 · 11/09/2021 22:31

@3scape

I dont think there are many people who would help. Probably just whip a phone out and start filming Hmm. Empathy seems to be dead.
No ... just shitty people..
Queenie6655 · 11/09/2021 22:33

Even if they were worried re covid

How about saying
Are you ok?
Can I get something to help you ?

Ffs it pisses me off
Few mins out of their previous time

RaininSummer · 11/09/2021 22:34

You poor thing. Falling is a real shock to the system and those men were very rude. Treat your neck gently and maybe take some anti inflammatories as when I fell in the ice last winter, I got whiplash.

ithinkilikeit · 11/09/2021 22:36

I am sorry but I probably wouldn’t have helped. And that is because I have had two experiences whereby helping did not go as planned.

Once I watched people attempt to help a man who had fallen and be angrily pushed them away. Next time I myself attempted to helper and older women had fallen. I was told not kindly to go away and I suspect that because of how I look she assumed I wanted to steal her groceries not help her pick them up.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 11/09/2021 22:38

Those three men were idiots! It’s not a normal reaction at all just to ignore someone who’s fallen. It could happen to anyone though, just a shame you fell so badly, and happened to be near three dickheads at the time.

If it helps about the shopping trolley, I’ve got one and I’m 42!

magicstar1 · 11/09/2021 22:38

My mother was 74, and had two knee replacements. She tripped in a shop on a loose piece of step, and ended up flat on the floor. She looked around to see if someone could help her up and a tall, strong looking man came over - and stepped over her on his way out. She had to ask for a chair to pull herself up to.
I just don’t understand why nobody helped her, and the same for you. I hope your cuts heal and you feel better soon.

Glitterblue · 11/09/2021 22:41

I hope you're OK, and that your knee and hands heal quickly. What a horrible experience for you 😥 My husband and brother would be the first to rush in to help in a situation like that, and I definitely would too. I fell over in the street a couple of years ago, my foot got caught in a loose paving stone. A lady came over to ask if I was OK, and picked up my prescription that I had dropped and hadn't even realised. It gives you a real shock and I can't believe they didn't even help you pick up your shopping or ask if you were OK, or needed anything.

Original poster
OkSpiritualknot · 11/09/2021 22:42

@magicstar1

My mother was 74, and had two knee replacements. She tripped in a shop on a loose piece of step, and ended up flat on the floor. She looked around to see if someone could help her up and a tall, strong looking man came over - and stepped over her on his way out. She had to ask for a chair to pull herself up to. I just don’t understand why nobody helped her, and the same for you. I hope your cuts heal and you feel better soon.

Stepped over her!!!
That's just awful..

Note to self.... Don't fall over in front of "ithinkilikeit"

OP posts:
SpindleWhorl · 11/09/2021 22:42

Ah bless you, OP. My DP and his adult sons would help you all day long. Not a shred of doubt. As would my adult DS.

You're not invisible to good people. Promise.

grapewine · 11/09/2021 22:46

@UserAtLargeAgain

I went to help someone who fell over once. They shouted and swore at me that they were perfectly fine and what was my problem?

I'm now a bit reticent about helping strangers.

This. But I'm sorry you were hurt. Must have been a shock.
DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 11/09/2021 22:49

It sounds like you had a massive shock, you poor thing. Its horrible having a fall, like a slap in the face.

But maybe this has blown up the 3 men ignoring you.
Now that you are feeling better you can be cheered by the fact that the old lady came and spoke to you, one of the men helped you up when you asked him (ok you shouldn't have had to ask, but he still did) and another kind man came and gave you back your glasses. So it was bad, but there were some positives.

Original poster
OkSpiritualknot · 11/09/2021 22:56

I'm going to bed now, but this has been massively helpful. I will venture out again tomorrow, in sensible walking shoes and possibly buy a shopping trolley....

I have to consider what would happen if I fell with a shopping trolley... I think using one might be easier than juggling shopping bags though.

Thank you to everyone.. ❤️

OP posts:
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