Won’t tell me what happened

[Fridayisntwhatitusedtobe]

Dd, recently turned 3, has just started pre school part time, she’s not been happy going and I’m just trying to stick with it, as hard as it is to leave her there.
She came out today and I asked what she did etc and she said she didn’t want to say, and that she was tired, she just kept saying she didn’t want to say. Bit by bit she said that she was blowing raspberries at a girl because she wanted to make her laugh. We have a bit of an issue with her constantly blowing raspberries at the moment and we’ve explained not everyone likes it. I asked if the teachers were cross and she just melt saying she didn’t want to talk about it. She’s a girl who tells me everything (never stops talking!) I’m aware she doesn’t like going there and everyone’s advised me to try and stick with it for 2-3 weeks, but I’m concerned she doesn’t want to say what happened 🤷🏻‍♀️

Don’t worry about it. My little boy always says he doesn’t want to tell me - he’s just knackered and had enough. Bits come out later in conversation.

I found with mine to just took a bit of time to get more details. I'd trust the staff to let you know if there are behaviour issues, just keep the questions casual.

It's really common for school age children not to want to tell you what they've been doing all day at school. Maybe she's just doing it a bit earlier. My dad is in reception and she just says she's too ired to talk about her day, can't remember or another excuse. I find just after bedtime a good time to ask as that's the time when they are trying to talk to you about absolutely anything to avoid going to sleep 😂 I wouldn't worry too much, the grown ups will tell you about anything concerning. Also if she is blowing raspberries in other children's faces and they don't like it, they will let her know. That's how they learn to socialise, it's all trial and error and as long as no one is getting hurt then I wouldn't worry x

She’s probably very tired and is having trouble accessing her memory right after you pick her up. I’d just ask her if she’s ok, had a good day of not and then get her home, let her eat, relax and then ask about it later in the day. Nursery can be hard work for a young child and they often just want to relax and decompress when they are done.

• My dd. Obviously not my dad 🤣

Sometimes not wanting to say is just another way of saying I’m over tired and don’t want to talk about anything negative.

Why not ask the staff if they’ve noticed anything untoward?

Trust the staff to pick up on behaviour and take appropriate action at the time. You don't need to dig it up after the fact.. she's 3!!!!!!

@SoundBar It’s because I’m worried as she’s never said it before and seems quiet about it

Ask once - if she has nothing to say, move on to some other topic.

Bad enough to be at pre-school when you are not mad on it, without mother quizzing you when you get out!

If you think there might have been some incident there, then you need to talk to the staff.

She was obviously told to stop blowing raspberries and it's upset her, maybe she won't do it again. Move on.

I have three DC, they apparently did nothing throughout nursery, reception and possibly year 1.

Agree with everyone else.
If you believed my ds, he rarely did anything at Nursery or the next 14 years at school.
You have to trust the people you leave your dc with. At 3 they won't remember details of things and will get mixed up with times and details - at that age they live very much in the moment. Most 3 yr olds are also pretty tired after a day at Nursery and much more so if they have only just started - it is normal to be overwhelmed and a bit tetchy. Just to let you know, it will likely be the same when they start Reception.

She will tell you in time, and you can ask the staff about it when she's not in earshot. Don't worry, you would know if it was major because she'd be more upset. It's likely a small falling out between friends that will be forgotten about. She will settle soon.

@Tallisimo This was just in the car in the way home, so haven’t had chance to ask them yet

It’s not that she just can’t remember what she did or can’t be bothered, it’s the way she said it and acted, if that makes sense! Something had upset her but she won’t say what

Leave her be and stop pestering her! Poor kid just wants to chill out.

Ask it after a nap, ask what her favourite part of the day in school was and what she didn't like.

She might just be tired. Be careful of projecting emotions that aren't there as you do sound a little anxious.

@EishetChayil I’m not pestering her! I asked a couple of times, noted her strange reaction, she’s now sleeping. She hates going in as it is and cries not to, so I’m keeping a close eye on her

@eosmum Yes, that’s a good idea, she’s napping now and feel asleep straightaway so I imagine she may have misbehaved at nursery and been reprimanded, they didn’t mention it though 🤷🏻‍♀️

@MoreAloneTime You’re right, it was just different the way she said she didn’t want to say, it was a hiding not wanting to say. It may be that she was ‘Naughty’ I think and got into trouble

@MoreAloneTime

She might just be tired. Be careful of projecting emotions that aren't there as you do sound a little anxious.

Agree with this.

Think about it OP if someone was constantly questioning you and asking what you had been doing when all you wanted to do was zone out how would you feel?

Its all very new to you both and I'm sure she's having a great time whilst there but it's bound to be overwhelming for her and if she doesn't want to talk about it you really should stop pushing for an explanation.

It’s not that she just can’t remember what she did or can’t be bothered, it’s the way she said it and acted, if that makes sense! Something had upset her but she won’t say what

Maybe she thinks you'll be disappointed or angry if she tells you she got told not to do it again?

@Cam2020 Not sure, it was a definite didn’t want to tell me

Should I WhatsApp the nursery?