Won’t tell me what happened

[Fridayisntwhatitusedtobe]

Dd, recently turned 3, has just started pre school part time, she’s not been happy going and I’m just trying to stick with it, as hard as it is to leave her there.
She came out today and I asked what she did etc and she said she didn’t want to say, and that she was tired, she just kept saying she didn’t want to say. Bit by bit she said that she was blowing raspberries at a girl because she wanted to make her laugh. We have a bit of an issue with her constantly blowing raspberries at the moment and we’ve explained not everyone likes it. I asked if the teachers were cross and she just melt saying she didn’t want to talk about it. She’s a girl who tells me everything (never stops talking!) I’m aware she doesn’t like going there and everyone’s advised me to try and stick with it for 2-3 weeks, but I’m concerned she doesn’t want to say what happened 🤷🏻‍♀️

@adultingforever Yes, she’s been thrown in at the deep end 😞I thought we’d be okay, I’ve taught in an International school and the children adapted fairly quickly and became fluent quickly, the initial stage is so very hard though. I feel so guilty these last couple of weeks, about dropping her and being apart from her, plus the language on top

If everyone else is saying their children are whacked out after a day at nursery, and yours has that plus having to process everything in a different language, no wonder she's tired.

It’s a lot for her to deal with starting nursery and in different language. I wouldn’t ask when comes out. It’s probably just too overwhelming. Let her nap and then you may find things come out later in day especially bed or bath time.

If school didnt make a point of telling me there was nothing wrong/amiss, I really would ring to check.
Tey'll soon tell you when there is.

if she did blow a raspberry and got to stop, its over and done with anyway.
Please dont be that parent that has to cross question every tiny 'no'

• Would NOT ring to check

Well, I feel like a dick as I whatsapped and no reply 😳no idea why I did that.
They tend to send all info even bill details by WhatsApp. Eurgh I’m so the parent that I used to hate, how did this happen

Mine is 7 now and they will never talk when they come out of school but will open up later on, usually at bedtime or when something pops into their head to tell me about. I don’t think you have anything to worry about.

My theory is it's like Fight Club.

The first rule of nursery/preschool/school is you don't talk about nursery/preschool/school. The second rules etc... They must all have an induction about it on the first day

If I were you, I wouldn't go looking for problems by asking them. They will soon let you know if your child is acting up.

I discovered "blowing raspberries" was referred to as "spitting" and treated as such in school/preschool.

I was a touch surprised as to me, raspberries are meant in fun, and spitting is meant to be nasty, so as while I would expect them to stop it (especially at the moment) I felt the reaction to raspberries was a bit OTT.

Ah don't worry about WhatsApping them. It is a very stress5 situation for you I'm sure. I was abroad for 9 months with my 2 eldest when they were 3 and 18 months. I looked at loads of different preschools and couldn't bring myself to send her but she didn't like going to nursery in UK either. My youngest has always loved it. I didn't persevere because I knew we wouldn't be there long term. She's always been fine at school since. If it's only a couple of days a week then I'd give it a few weeks for her to aettle but in that time I would be making sure you are happy with the communication with the staff. Don't worry about how you come across. It's important for you to feel comfortable leaving your child there. Your child will be getting vibes that you do t want to leave her there and it'll become a viscous circle. With Covid measures in place and not being able to go in with her, communication is even more important. X

In my experience the best time to talk to young kids is just when you have put them to bed - I think they feel like they are getting to stay up later by talking to you. The absolute worst time is just when they have come out of school - honestly a school day is very full on and they really need time to unwind and switch off - I know - I used to teach primary 5-11.

I also taught 11-18 and TBH - the same was true for my kids at that age.

@GertrudeKerfuffle

My theory is it's like Fight Club.

The first rule of nursery/preschool/school is you don't talk about nursery/preschool/school. The second rules etc... They must all have an induction about it on the first day

If I were you, I wouldn't go looking for problems by asking them. They will soon let you know if your child is acting up.

Unfortunately, I have no advice for the OP but this thread has made me realise my 3 year old is normal. Apparently she's done nothing at nursery since she started ... apart from once when there was a dead bird. That was a real highlight.

It’s a shame you whatsapp, children get guided at nursery every day. We don’t tell all the parent every minor indiscretion a child makes, because it’s been dealt with and finished. Some parents make it a bigger deal and everyone else has moved on the child gets told of again.

It sounds like your child was told off for blowing raspberries.. that’s it. You are making it much bigger than it needs to be. Wait and see how she is later.

They are all like that. My daughter told me at primarily school she never had anyone to play with. Checked with the teacher who said she was really popular and everyone wants to play with her. It's heartbreaking when you drop them off crying but she will be find

Blowing raspberries is basically spitting and is absolutely forbidden at my children’s school now, even for little ones in nursery - it’s about the most effective way you can think of to spray droplets of saliva everywhere and with coronavirus and the emphasis on hygiene it’s second only to biting on things school staff are being quite harsh on. I expect she’s been told off but doesn’t want to relive it or risk being told off by you as well.

You need to ask direct questions to a tired child, rather than ‘what have you done today’ you could say ‘did you do a painting today’ kids are strange especially when tired. I wouldn’t worry

Get used to it. For the next decade or so, every time she comes home from school and you ask her what happened at school , 98 % of the time she will say " Nothing/I can't remember" or just shrug/roll eyes. They are really tired out at that time of day and just want to flop.

 If there is any earthshattering news from school   you might hear it mentioned to Teddy later.. 


  "

at that age you can't expect them to tell you everything. their brain just doesn't work like that yet and they don't have as much active vocabulary yet.
that will come at 4 yo, closer to 5.

I often wondered if the DC thought I already knew what had happened at nursery/school when they were little. After all, up to them starting nursery/school you knew EVERYTHING that happened to them, as their Mummy you knew EVERYTHING about EVERYTHING to do with their life, so why would you not know about school etc?

my dc that age could never remember if we asked general and boring question like 'how was your day?', but funny questions 'did someone fart loudly in class today?' 'who fell into the mud at playtime?' usually got them talking.