Childminder - is this normal practice?

[JackGrealishsHair]

Just started looking round at childminders locally and it's the first time I've done this. A genuine AIBU to be surprised / shocked by these practices?

For context children are aged from 12 months up to 5 years.

• children sleep on a plastic crashmat on the floor all piled in together. No blankets, no cots for tiny ones, no curtains in the room. This room is also used for soft play. Is this normal practice?

• meals are always dahl and bread. Always vegetarian and lentil based, some variation on the dahl recipe. This is because so many children have different dietary requirements, so its easier. If parents wish child to eat something else eg chicken or vegetables they have to provide those already prepared.

• there are no high chairs available for very young children at meals. They eat in the floor or if they can manage sitting in a small chair.

• nap time is the same for every child regardless of age or routine at home.

• childminder says she will often tell children that they love them and this is healthy because of how close she is with the children.

AIBU to be surprised by these or is it normal?

Sounds awful to me but didn’t you know this before you sent them there? At my sons’ nursery they slept in cots until about 16 months but then on special mats of their own when a bit older. The food was varied and children up to about 3 ate in a high chair. I would be taking my children away.

@BarbaraofSeville absolutely there are lots of dahl/daal varieties, however despite it being one of my favourite dishes to cook or eat, I certainly couldn't stomach it every day. For example, ai have more variety in my diet than a single staple ingredient for my lunch - I don't eat bread daily, nor pasta, nor carrots, nor eggs, nor frankly anything else except drinking large cups of tea.

It's a big ask to put children on a single form of lunch daily, say an omelette or jacket potato with only a variation in the topping - no one would be happy with that, surely?

I'd guess that thousands of children have sandwiches for lunch every day though. Lots of those probably have exactly the same sandwich every day.

Barbara it can vary but it's still quite limited in variety, it's the same lentil staple day in day out and little variation in texture, it's also not great for children who prefer finger food to only ever be given something that requires spoon feeding. Vegetarian dahl sometimes, fab! Vegetarian dahl for every single meal.... no..

I'd be unimpressed by a setting that only offered vegetarian food too, these are quite young children to be restricting their diet in any way. Toddlers are notoriously picky and anaemia isn't unusual in young children, non haem iron from plants is far less bio available than haem iron from meat.

Crazyguineapiglady
I'd guess those would be older children.

These are 1-5 year olds where imho parents still have more opportunity to encourage a wider palate. I would hold a childcare setting to a high bar on this.

Lots of 1-5 year olds take packed lunches with them to childcare.

Even if children have various dhal-based meals for lunch Monday-Friday, parents still have 16 meals a week to feed other things.

@BarbaraofSeville it’s essentially a stew though, I wouldn’t want my one year old to be given a stew every single day. It’s not going to be letting her experience a wide range of textures and flavours.

Isn't it basically like a CM who doesn't provide food (not all of them do), but with a back up option every single day? Maybe the CM is expecting most parents to send food in.

[quote elbea]@BarbaraofSeville it’s essentially a stew though, I wouldn’t want my one year old to be given a stew every single day. It’s not going to be letting her experience a wide range of textures and flavours.[/quote]
Would your baby only have one meal a day?

The point of childminders is that they are all different, so you find one that suits your needs. She's been awarded good for the quality of her teaching mainly, the rest is personal preference.

I'm a childminder, I provide a different hot meal each day - I'm vegan so they will eat some of "my" meals but equally, I'll cook meat for them sometimes too.

Most of mine sleep on mats in the lounge, but it's dark and cosy, with music playing, and blankets. Plus plenty of space each. Easily done from 12 months. But most childminders are child led and so if a child needs a cot, we'll do that too.

I don't force a child into my routine, but you do find that children copy and fall into a similar routine - fear of missing out! We also don't force them to stick to the parents routine if that's not what they need.

If a child tells me they love me, I say it back. It's not odd at all - it doesn't mean we are picking them up to hug and kiss them and saying it without reason.

The food situation appears to be pure laziness imo.

Gosh I love my mindees, well certainly grow to love them anyway. I'm with them for 10 hours a day several days a week. I care for them like my own, I cuddle them when they are hurt and I protect them fiercely against harm. I can't imagine not showing them the affection and love that they deserve and need at their age. That doesn't mean I love them more than their parents or more than my own children but we have a very lovely bond and spontaneous hugs and words are special. It's not weird.

@crazyguineapiglady I mean more for small toddlers or babies that need more naps. I would expect a childminder to have a strategy to facilitate an extra nap.
My first childminder took my DS for a walk in the buggy as her husband was her assistant and looked after the others for 20 minutes while she got him to sleep. My other DS's childminder let him nap from 9-10 and then went out with the children after.
Both my kids weren't ready to drop to the one nap routine till age 16 months-ish so for a short time I'd expect a CM to find a way to deal with that or I would use someone else.

Also lack of high chairs I would consider a bit odd. I would expect some sort of booster or pod seat for the children age 1-2.

You know you can get small tables and small chairs for use with children? This is what my childminders uses so all the mindees who are capable, and my DD was capable from 14 months, sit and eat together.

Some i think is fine - the mats, and affection (and if a childminder didnt say 'I love you' back, then I'd remove them from the setting immediately).

The food I find quite horrifying tbh. I'd want more variety in types of meals, textures etc. My Childminder does cooked breakfast lunch and dinner, often with homemade snacks in between. Her food is so good that I'm often tempted to ask her to make a couple of extra portions to take home.

For example, lunch today:

• Smoked Haddock Chowder Pie with Sweetcorn & Peas for lunch
• lamb ragu for dinner

Monday

• Pork Adobo and Rice
• Courgette, Mince & Rigatoni Bake.

Once they are no longer small babies, they sit on a small table and chairs together, and often learn to serve themselves and eachother food.

I would not keep my child somewhere where the cm lacked enthusiasm, energy or creativity to do anything but variations of dahl every day

And yes, they should facilitate different nap needs, and if children are on more than I've nail, resurrect and facilitate that - mine does anyway.

@DeepaBeesKit if the parents give them meat at dinner time then having vegan/vegetarian food the rest of the time is fine as long as it isn't vegan/vegetarian ultra-processed food.

My 11 month old has slept on a mat at nursery for the last two months...but they still have cots for the younger babies. Mine just won't sleep in a cot!

The lunch thing is weird though. I like our nursery because they introduce her to new foods like we try to do at home.

Nope, I wouldn’t like that. I used a childminder for my son as after school care from ages 5-8 and she was very loving but in a grandmotherly way (she was older btw) 😂 I’d have found it really weird if she told the kids she loved them. DS had a range of snacks to choose from which was nice.

My DS’s childminder is amazing. I think the thing about dhal and bread is v weird. My DS went through a fussy stage about a year ago and she would cook him separate meals so he had something he liked. Not sure if he ate on a highchair then, genuinely didn’t think to ask. He’s 2.5 now so sleeps on a mat on the floor at nap time but when he was younger he would either nap in buggy when older kids were out or he would be in a travel cot. She does tell him she loves him and gives him kisses and cuddles but she does this for all the kids and I think it’s lovely. DS is so happy there and sending 10mo DD for settling in next week too!

I agree the mats are odd, especially for little ones. My daughter's 15mths old and there's no way she'd go to sleep there. I guess if it works for her though 🤷‍♀️

The food though would be an absolute deal breaker for me. I wouldn't send my child there.

@DeepaBeesKit if the parents give them meat at dinner time then having vegan/vegetarian food the rest of the time is fine as long as it isn't vegan/vegetarian ultra-processed food.

I would possibly accept vegetarian if my child wasnt fussy and was having their evening meal at home with me. I would not choose a childminder who provided solely vegan as I believe it is too restrictive in calories and nutrients for most children.

If my children were having 3 meals a day with the childminder as some do, I wouldnt accept vegetarian either. One of my children is anaemic and also doesnt eat egg, I'd be too concerned about lack of haem iron which is much more bio available than non haem. Non haem is easily bound by calcium in the gut especially as toddlers often eat a lot of dairy which can reduce absorption.

Community Playthings sells top of the range nursery equipment and furniture. These are the sleep options for babies and toddlers:

www.communityplaythings.co.uk/products/furniture/cots-coracles-and-sleep-mats/c-24/c-86

They also do a range of low height tables and chairs. I've seen nurseries using these for meal times with very young children and some childminders use them, too. I have a low table and chairs with a low feeding chair for babies.

Both the low tables and the sleep arrangements are common in nurseries. The coracles allow crawling babies to put themselves to bed.

It's part of a child's development to form strong attachments to carers. That won't ever replace the attachment to a parent and won't be as strong, but it ought not to be discouraged. I couldn't work with a family that tried to prevent it.

This childminder works differently to how how I'd run my own setting, particularly the menu, but it's her own way of working. If it isn't for you, choose another setting that suits you better.

I don't understand all the angst about daal. The most days mine ever did a week in childcare was 4, but that was term time only. I gave them breakfast and tea. So 4 meals a week out of 21 meals being daal, a really healthy food, seems fine to me.

I always thought it was voodoo magic how my kids nursery got them all asleep on mats. They had pillows and blankets and each had their own wee mat - this was once they left baby room