To think this means she doesn’t want the gift?

[Pollypollyesther]

We’ve been dating a while now, it’s her 30th birthday today. I earn quite a lot and wanted to treat her. I sent her the gift in the mail.

She sent this message:

“Wow you didn’t have to do that... but thank you!”

Is that negative? Like I’ve overstepped the mark?

No - it just means she doesn't expect gifts, but appreciates the gift and the effort.

What did you send? Is it expensive?

It’s just a polite way of saying thanks

No, as above, it just means she was pleased and it wasn't expected.

She's just saying thank you.

But I'm with you, I really dislike it when I give people a gift and they say that. It makes me feel awkward or like I've embarrassed them or something.

I wish people would just say 'thank you. I like it' and leave it at that. Why the facade about not expecting a gift?

Of course it’s not negative! It’s very, very positive.

‘I earn quite a lot and wanted to treat her’

That’s nice, but did you you go over the top?

I think she is delighted with the gift, but does not want to look entitled or expecting more of the same.

Not at all imo. Completely normal reaction, but I would have to see someone's face or hear their voice to truly know.

It's a normal response tbh. Just means thank you.

Also may be worried about not being able to reciprocate ?

People like to be able to buy gifts to the same value as they receive

It's very positive. She's blown away by the generosity and kindness of the gift. She wasn't expecting it and loves it

Did you over-step the mark?

What did you get her?

Reads to me that you sent something extravagant, which she's having to deal with...

Eh? I wouldn't say she doesn't want it. I'd say she's surprised at what you sent and is feeling a bit embarrassed maybe?

How long have you been dating and how much did you spend?

It's generally a positive.

It's just a way of saying that it was lovely and they weren't expecting anything or that much, but they are pleased you made the effort.

Occasionally comes with its sister phrases 'oh, you shouldn't have' / 'oh, you didn't have to'

I'm not a fan of any of these in any case, people may mean it genuinely. But sometimes it comes with a tinge that either they're already worrying they can't match it (either in a monetary or thought sense - I.e. they've bought you a tin of sweets, to your lovingly picked out Christmas gift) or that you have spent too much

Sounds like she likes it to me.

I need to know what the gift it!

It sounds like she’s just politely thanking you, maybe you went a bit above and beyond and it’s more than she expected, but she’s just trying to politely reference that.

We’ve been dating since April... she asked me to be her girlfriend about a month or so ago.

The present was a day experience for both of us... £100 altogether but £50 is obviously for my entry.

I don’t know why I feel embarrassed... I always gift friends and people in dating for birthdays and Christmas. I like giving presents.

But I don’t think it’s overwhelming... it’s only a day thing. She’s asked me to go on holiday with her before this!

Also I think because it was over text I can’t gauge how she said it? In person might have been better but she is a shift worker and Is sleeping today as she was on night shift last night

A £50 gift ( as half of it is for you ) , or indeed a £100 gift is hardly excessive for people in a dating relationship , my advice would be to stop over analysing people’s responses .

Not negative. It just shock/surprise at the generosity.

It seems positive to me! She’s saying thanks but acknowledging there was no obligation.

Doesn’t seem excessive to me, assuming it's something she can do - ie she's afraid of heights and you're planning on going sky diving together etc! I'm sure it's fine.

eh? You are totally overthinking this. Is this something you do?

Its a nice present, basically you're paying for a day out. Enjoy it.