Page 2 | To think this means she doesn’t want the gift?

Pollypollyesther · 2021-09-10T08:33:58+00:00

We’ve been dating a while now, it’s her 30th birthday today. I earn quite a lot and wanted to treat her. I sent her the gift in the mail. She sent this message: “Wow you didn’t have to do that... but thank you!” Is that negative? Like I’ve overstepped the mark?

QueenFreesia2021 · 10/09/2021 11:20

I’m guessing her response is a little underwhelming OP? That you expected a bit more from her, so because of that you are second guessing yourself and worrying about the gift.

£50 isn’t extravagant I don’t feel. You don’t get much for £50 these days really.

Are you worried she isn’t keen on the gift you have picked?

Cas112 · 10/09/2021 11:31

Just unexpected and she's letting you know that there isn't a pressure to buy her gifts. She will definitely appreciate it though :)

Original poster

Pollypollyesther · 10/09/2021 11:41

I suppose I am a bit underwhelmed by her response... I thought it was thoughtful & she’d really love it. But I now get the feeling she’s not too bothered... I thought she’d be really excited but that didn’t come across on text.

The other thing I’m thinking is that it’s in December so maybe she thinks I’m thinking too far ahead

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FictionalCharacter · 10/09/2021 11:49

Not negative at all. Why would you be underwhelmed - what did you want her to say?!

Beautiful3 · 10/09/2021 12:01

Sounds like something I would text if I was happy with the gift. Sounds like she's genuinely pleased.

DahliaMacNamara · 10/09/2021 12:05

She sounds perfectly appreciative to me. Not everyone goes over the top as a gift recipient. I'm pretty terrible at conveying excitement myself. Doesn't mean I don't want or like the present. Don't overthink this.

LimeRedBanana · 10/09/2021 12:07

You definitely didn’t overstep the mark, then.

And I think her response is absolutely fine - definitely the sort of thing I would say, in the vein of not wanting people to oh themselves out, while being delighted with the thought/gift.

TenThousandSpoons · 10/09/2021 12:15

I think the “Wow” at the beginning means she does like it a lot - if it didn’t have that the rest of the message isn’t a great thank you. Would be nicer if she’d said “Can’t wait to go there with you” or something.

Zucker · 10/09/2021 12:31

I suppose I am a bit underwhelmed by her response... I thought it was thoughtful & she’d really love it. But I now get the feeling she’s not too bothered... I thought she’d be really excited but that didn’t come across on text.

This stands out. Honestly, did you give her the gift for her OR did you give her the gift so she couls marvel at how wonderful you are at gift giving? Quite honestly it sounds a bit like the second option because her response sounds good. She's delighted with it but wasn't expecting a gift.

I'd prefer a responce like the one you got than a fake "OMGGGG it's AHMAZZZIINNGG" type.

BoredZelda · 10/09/2021 12:40

This stands out. Honestly, did you give her the gift for her OR did you give her the gift so she couls marvel at how wonderful you are at gift giving? Quite honestly it sounds a bit like the second option because her response sounds good. She's delighted with it but wasn't expecting a gift.

I agree. Coupled with the “I love giving gifts” what this actually means is, “I love how appreciative people are when I give gifts”

People saying “you shouldn’t have” or similar is a standard gift response. Only someone insecure would think it is negative.

Original poster

Pollypollyesther · 10/09/2021 12:55

It’s not that they’re appreciative, it’s that I make them feel like I care, which I do. It’s not about marvelling at how great I am, but more that she is happy to go. Like I said, it’s because it’s a thing that’s in advance and she might think I’m jumping the gun

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Ninkanink · 10/09/2021 13:05

You really can’t judge things like this by text, tbf.

If your OH’s reaction to things like this really matters to you then you need to give the gift in person so that you can at least have some hope of gauging it accurately.

The comment was very positive, so you’ve no need to worry.

You also need to think about why you feel underwhelmed by her reaction. You probably shouldn’t give gifts with the motivation making yourself feel good, especially if you then set yourself up for feeling deflated and/or getting resentful because you’re expecting overly effusive praise - it’s really supposed to be mainly about the other person and making them feel good.

Agree with pp that it’s a standard phrase people use and you seem to be quite insecure if it bothered you that much that you’ve read something negative into it.

thelionqwueen · 10/09/2021 13:30

£50 or £100 for a 30th birthday is hardly excessive. Maybe she was expecting something more like flowers or champagne, just for her and not a gift for you both? I think you are seriously overthinking it.

TaraR2020 · 10/09/2021 13:47

You're reading wayyyy too much into this.

Maybe she feels a little overwhelmed this early into your relationship, maybe she's not comfortable with people spending money on her. Not an issue, be sensitive to it and you can navigate

Maybe she doesn't. It's just a thank you text that's all!

It's still early days for you both - people don't settle into relationships at the same pace. Don't overthink it!

LittleMissMe99 · 10/09/2021 14:42

One of things I've learned is not to read negative intent in ambiguous situations. I feel this is what you are doing here. She's being polite and grateful. That's all. I think you probably made her day!

jasminechocolate · 10/09/2021 14:51

It's a text so you won't be able to get an accurate gage of her feelings. Sounds positive tho. I think wait until you see her or are having enjoying the experience. All girls like gifts!

BrilliantBetty · 10/09/2021 14:56

It's fine you're worrying for no reason.

And I don't think that is expensive or especially unusual. I'd buy similar for a good pal.

Kittykat93 · 10/09/2021 14:57

When you said you earned a lot of money and wondered if the gift was too OTT I expected more than just fifty quid on a day out, that's like the price of a meal and a few drinks so not OTT at all in my opinion. And she sounds grateful! Don't make an issue where there isn't one.

BunnytheFriendlyDragon · 10/09/2021 15:01

@Kittykat93

When you said you earned a lot of money and wondered if the gift was too OTT I expected more than just fifty quid on a day out, that's like the price of a meal and a few drinks so not OTT at all in my opinion. And she sounds grateful! Don't make an issue where there isn't one.

Sorry OP but I agree with this.

What did you really expect from her?

Original poster

Pollypollyesther · 10/09/2021 16:01

Yeah the ticket to the event is £50, but Things in the event will probably cost up to £100/200 too which i said I will buy. Plus meals and drinks.

I guess I am really overthinking it though. Maybe not really the price but the intention behind the event?

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starfishmummy · 10/09/2021 16:17

I think it's good!! Sort of thing people say (or at least the ones I ,know) for unexpected gifts or those that seem rather extravagant.

Does she know that you are expecting to be the other person at the experience? I know I've given two tickets to things but done it with no expectation of being the plus one although it's nice if they ask you.

BunnytheFriendlyDragon · 10/09/2021 16:45

When is it? Is it months away? I think that was your concern too OP?

Original poster

Pollypollyesther · 10/09/2021 18:19

Yeah it’s in the new year

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CorianderBee · 10/09/2021 19:06

She's saying it because she's very thankful, but didn't expect so much. Not a bad thing, just something to acknowledge it was a big gift!

CorianderBee · 10/09/2021 19:08

Oh £10? That's fine. Norma amount for couples