To think this means she doesn’t want the gift?

[Pollypollyesther]

We’ve been dating a while now, it’s her 30th birthday today. I earn quite a lot and wanted to treat her. I sent her the gift in the mail.

She sent this message:

“Wow you didn’t have to do that... but thank you!”

Is that negative? Like I’ve overstepped the mark?

Bloody phone - £100*

I say that for almost every gift I get. It means "what lovely unexpected surprise"

I think in the new year is ok considering you've been seeing her since April

She said WOW. What more do you want?

@Pollypollyesther

I suppose I am a bit underwhelmed by her response... I thought it was thoughtful & she’d really love it. But I now get the feeling she’s not too bothered... I thought she’d be really excited but that didn’t come across on text.

The other thing I’m thinking is that it’s in December so maybe she thinks I’m thinking too far ahead

She's probably underwhelmed by the gift. Unless she'd expressed a particular interest in that it's a bit bland and not very personal. Also as you said, half of it is for you. It can't be about it being too expensive as a £50 present for someone you've been dating for months is not anywhere close to "excessive".

@Pollypollyesther

It’s not that they’re appreciative, it’s that I make them feel like I care, which I do. It’s not about marvelling at how great I am, but more that she is happy to go. Like I said, it’s because it’s a thing that’s in advance and she might think I’m jumping the gun

This makes sense. I mean, there's an implicit assumption in the present that you'll both want to to together by then. If you've only been dating a few months then it indicates a presumption that you still will be when that same length of time has passed again..,

Has she indicated that she wants this to become a long-term relationship? If not it may feel presumptuous and pressuring, in what are still very early stages. I think a physical gift may have been more appropriate at this point. Sorry OP.

She can't believe you've sent her a lovely, expensive gift. She sounds so grateful.

It's a lovely postive comment. To me it says it's so much more than she expected, she is overwhelmed.

It’s probably a positive, that’s how I would read it but since you’re worrying maybe there’s something in the back of your mind that thinks it’s not actually something she would want. Ask yourself:

• is this a gift for me rather than her? I once had a boyfriend buy me an experience that was clearly for him not me, I was not impressed!
• has she expressed an interest in this sort of thing before?

If it’s definitely something she would enjoy and be interested in, I think it’s fine - as long as you’re going to hand over both halves of the gift if you split up before December…

I think you sound quite hard work, sorry

In the new year is quite a long time away. Are you doing anything for her actual birthday? Or did you get her anything more immediate?

Agreed. She's is saying that is very generous and she's grateful (given you've not long been dating you've spent more than she would ever have expected).

I would be underwhelmed by the gift, sorry. It's a joint thing, so not an actual treat just for her and she's got to wait months for it.