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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Who will have your kids if you die?

64 replies

Cuddlyrottweiler · 09/09/2021 22:01

DS is a few months old, I can't decide who I would trust with our baby if we both died. I know it's not something you want to think about but I feel like, if it happens I can't sort it out then, so I'd best sort it now.

OP posts:

2pinkginsplease · 09/09/2021 22:04

We had this dilemma and after many discussions my best friend said she would take happily take them.

My brother can’t look after himself, the only sibling I would have considered is dh’s sister but they live too far away which would mean uprooting the children.

Thankfully our children as grown up now and could care for themselves.

My friend has a child the same age as my children and I trust her wholeheartedly.

Macncheeseballs · 09/09/2021 22:08

Not something I think about but I have lots of relatives

Comedycook · 09/09/2021 22:09

My sister and vice versa

ParkheadParadise · 09/09/2021 22:10

One of my 5 siblings. I know all of them would love my dd like she was their own.
My dd is 5 all my siblings argue who is having her for a sleepover. It's great when we want to go out 😜
Or one of my several nieces would also love and look after her.

allofthecheese · 09/09/2021 22:11

My SIL. She is amazing with DC and would raise him so well.

SuperCaliFragalistic · 09/09/2021 22:11

I'm seperated from their Dad so it's pretty unlikely we'd both die before they're 18. But if we did they would probably go to exMIL as she has lots of space and energy and family support. My mum couldn't cope after a few days.

WisestIsShe · 09/09/2021 22:12

My good friend. We have similar parenting styles, live locally to each other, have children of similar ages, spend regular time together. Plenty of life insurance to cover the costs too.

AlexaShutUp · 09/09/2021 22:14

I always thought my DSis would have dd if something happened to us, but dd is 16 now and wouldn't want to move away from all of her friends etc in that scenario so I think she would go to my parents instead. They're older now but could still provide emotional and practical support, and at 16, she is pretty self sufficient anyway. I also have a good friend who would bend over backwards to help.

CorpusCallosum · 09/09/2021 22:14

SIL here too (DHs sis & her partner). It would mean a big move for DCs but they've just lost their parents so I'd rather they were in a house filled with all the love they could handle while they heal. Long term SIL has similar parenting values as us and the cousins get along so I just see they'd have a happy life there.

HungryHippo11 · 09/09/2021 22:14

My parents. My mum is in her early 50s so not that much older than quite a few of my mum friends, and she is very fit and capable. If my parents were in their 70s I would think differently, although we don't have many other options (the rest of the family already have kids of their own or are too young/unreliable

Retrievemysanity · 09/09/2021 22:15

My best friend.

TherebytheGraceofGodgoI · 09/09/2021 22:15

My best friend of 40+ years (we are older parents) who has the same values as me. Parents are elderly and I do not like D sister’s life style or values.
It is written in our wills that DS would go with them and they are to receive a lump sum to help with costs.
I would happily take her children too and I believe they have made wills to this effect too.

Lockdownbear · 09/09/2021 22:15

It's a really tough one, ideally they are better kept within the family, to keep relationships with grandparents and Aunties etc.
So really you are best to look at your / your partners siblings or cousins.
Unless it was a really really close friend it would be awkward for Grandparents to pop in and visit their GC, I couldn't imagine taking my friends kids to visit her MIL.

JaceLancs · 09/09/2021 22:16

My DC are grown up now but when younger we left directions that my DB and SIL would care for them (obviously we consulted with them first) also made sure there would be enough money for one of them to give up work to be a SAHP for at least 10 years

YourKidsIf · 09/09/2021 22:16

This really worries me - and my dc. I always said my mum but she is now pretty old (80s) and at the other end of the country. There sadly is no one else.

WolfFleeceSpotter · 09/09/2021 22:16

I have no-one in the UK where we live. My husband isn’t from here, so all his family are over 3,500 miles away.
My brother and his wife are workaholics and said they wouldn’t have them as they chose not to have children so wouldn’t want the disruption.
My mum is late 70s and couldn’t cope with youngest.
That’s it. I have lots of friends but none who I think would want the responsibility. Luckily eldest is nearly 16, so could perhaps care for his brother with support.

LadyCatStark · 09/09/2021 22:17

My sister and we’d have her children too.

PumpkinKlNG · 09/09/2021 22:17

Lone parent so in care

44PumpLane · 09/09/2021 22:20

My parents.

Friends of ours have asked if we would take their daughter if anything should happen and have stipulated this in their wills.

ThatsNotMyReindeer · 09/09/2021 22:21

A conversation I need to have with my brothers ex wife. She's my age but her children are 10+ years older than mine and I know she would love, care and advocate for him (significant additional needs)

mummypie17 · 09/09/2021 22:21

My mum or parents-in-law - however, they are quite elderly (late 60s and early 70s). My brother has said he will look after my kids and treat them like his own.

PalacesOfMontezuma · 09/09/2021 22:21

We actually broached this with my parents recently and thankfully they said they would want to have them (they were our first choice but we thought they might feel they were too old). They're late 60s but both still work and are energetic and in good health. We would leave them in a good financial position to be able to give up work or pay for childcare or both.

HoobleDooble · 09/09/2021 22:22

I don't have anything in writing but I'd want it to be my sister-in-law as she lives nearby so DS could still go to the same school and see both grandmother's.

RoseMartha · 09/09/2021 22:27

When I was married the Will stated family on my exh side.

Now I am not. And if my exh was not able to have the dc, some family friends have consented to have them and I had it written in my Will.

BuffySummersReportingforSanity · 09/09/2021 22:30

My DSis and DBIL. They have one child of their own, but have happily agreed to be our named guardians and we feel totally comfortable with that. Shortest serious discussion DH and I ever had.

My DPIL adore my DC and are wonderful GPs, but if, god forbid, my kids ever lose both of us while they are still children, we want them to go to someone equipped to look after them and who they won't then lose in short order.

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