Who will have your kids if you die?

[Cuddlyrottweiler]

DS is a few months old, I can't decide who I would trust with our baby if we both died. I know it's not something you want to think about but I feel like, if it happens I can't sort it out then, so I'd best sort it now.

@BettyAndFrank

My dcs have Asd so will have to go into care as no one to have them 😢

Betty, that’s so sad. I wish I had a suggestion.

I’m a lone parent and before I got pregnant, my sister agreed to look after my child if anything happened to me.

When I mentioned this again after DD was born, my sister backtracked and said that she and her partner had already agreed to take her partner’s nephew if anything happened to his parents. I said it was highly unlikely that all three of us would die prematurely, but this didn’t sway her.

I don’t know who’d look after DD now. My parents would initially, but they’ll be in their early eighties (touch wood) by the time she’s an adult.

My brother. If we die he will also have access to funds from a life insurance payout and our balance estate, which he can use for any costs relating to their care. He also will have control of our house, where they can stay if he wants to care for them there. So there'll be no financial impediments to him looking after them. Once they reach 21 they inherit our assets unencumbered and should have enough to each buy a home and finish university or training. So I feel pretty confident that whatever happens to us they'll be okay.

My sister knows she gets mine

It's a worry and my morbid mind thinks of this during low times. Lone parent, friends have their hands full with their own kids and one of my children has asd. I have 1 parent still alive who is early 80s so my DC would be in care.
My DC are 12 and 14 now so not so young anymore, I just want them settled in adulthood before anything happens to me! Child with asd is going to need support and care whatever age they are.

My mum most likely. I guess their dad could fight for them, but it seems unlikely and they would choose my mum over him anyway.

Boarding school with family guardians.

DH’s cousin, with his brother as financial guardian.

We are down to take my twin nephews should anything happen to my sister

My sister, who has always been involved in their lives and they know/trust/love.

I said earlier in the thread that I have no one, but this is one of reasons I would like to be a foster carer, for people like me who have no one. I’d like to think that my experience of losing my dad when I was young would help me care for children or teens in similar circumstances.
We don’t have a spare bedroom though, otherwise I would love to do it.
I know that being a foster carer would mean children come from a variety of backgrounds with different needs, so not always because they have no family to look after them.
In an ideal world, if you could specify, I would offer care for children and teens with ASD because one of my children has ASD and I understand the impact it has.

I don't trust anyone and my mum, dad, sister, uncle and grandparents are dead so I imagine he'd go into care. That's a sobering thought.

Dm and dmil would have joint custody of our dds. If neither of them were able to, the next option is bil and sil, would would be less than ideal bit better than db who is a liability and better than going into care.

Grandparents if they are fit and able - as they have been very much involved with them throughout. One of my brothers and his wife if not, with two of our close friends to support.

My Sister - put this in my will when they were small as did she, for us to look after her DC. Now all the kids are adults, so new wills were made without this clause.