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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be raging

94 replies

crackeroncrack · 09/09/2021 14:51

A few years ago I moved in with my DP. We'd been together for a few years before that.

He has this odd unspoken arrangement with the LL where they both take the piss basically. The rent is significantly lower than the going rate for this type of property in this central area. The LL (has many properties) does no upkeep whatsoever. All the fixtures and fittings are crumbling away and between DP and LL things keep getting brushed under the massively aged carpets.

Just btw, I have made a load of effort since I moved in to improve things, do various upgrades and all the rest of that. In real life I ask people about this and they say, just get the work done/do the work and then invoice the LL. Well hohoho they would not like that, it would take months of bloody back and forth to even get a conversation going and quite frankly I think if you rent then you're paying to opt out of the responsibility of owning. I get the impression this LL wants us to have all the cons of owning without any of the pros...like this actually being our place which it is not.

Last year during lockdown a serious fault occurred in the flat. We did not cause this. I got a tradesperson out to look at the issue and said I would pay him upfront with my plan being to then chase LL for the money. He said fine and we discussed how the problem was urgent and if left unattended would cause much more damage potentially to properties other than ours.

Between DP and the LL they farted, faffed and arsed around and then the guy contacts me and says that since the situation is serious he needs the owner of the property to OK him doing the work, it would not be ok for me to simply pay him. He tells me this has not happened and he will be taking other work.

I had to absolutely rage my arse off at DP to get him to ask the LL about this. By the end I think they were both quite upset because the situation was worrying but eff effing me!

Anyway there is loads of stuff broken in the property now. The cooker has just packed up. I ask DP about it and he starts with "owww did you put a fork in the pan, sometimes that helps...."

It's broken, mate.

I'm just ranting because I have nowhere else to. I want to move. DP agrees to and then starts all this vague crap with me. I said I would move and he could stay here if he wanted to, he got really upset.

I am going to move. DP is actually a good person but somehow gets sort of stuck on things, This "deal" between him and the LL is one of those things he has just got stuck on. They both basically have pissed me off to fuck and back.

We've just had a huge barney and he is audibly contacting the LL. He says I am being horrible. If it was just the cooker I would get that but the whole place is knackered.

I am stuck between him not wanting change and the LL not being arsed.

OP posts:
Livelovebehappy · 09/09/2021 19:00

How, much less is the rent op, monthly, between what you’re paying and the market value? If you’re talking of a couple hundred a month, then it sounds like your DP has just been happy to leave things in disrepair, rather than using the money saved to correct things, and now the place is just crumbling around you. It would work ok if done properly, and the saving he made was put aside each month to be used as and when needed.

MrsMoastyToasty · 09/09/2021 19:04

Ring environmental health at the council. I'm sure they would be very interested in the state of the property and would be able to take enforcement action against the landlord.

Feedingthebirds1 · 09/09/2021 19:06

There's no 'D' about your 'P'. He's happy for you to live in a dangerous house, sounds like almost unfit for human habitation. He doesn't think you're worth any more than that. Dump him.

Kanaloa · 09/09/2021 19:10

I’d move out alone 100%. Not just because the place is in a bad state, but because your partner sounds really wet and whiny mumbling that you’re ‘mean’ because you don’t want to live in a property with broken facilities.

UpCloseAndPersonalWithGlenda · 09/09/2021 19:11

This is all completely bonkers, especially the business about forks in pans.

I am a LL and I would be very pissed off with a tenant who just got work done willy-nilly. Though I wouldn't dream of skimping on upkeep.

Everyone in this scenario sounds quite mad, and I think you'd be better off moving on, OP, rather than raging.

crackeroncrack · 09/09/2021 19:22

@UpCloseAndPersonalWithGlenda Honestly I wouldn't make changes without asking. In this one case it was vital to act quickly which was why I was pushing when the LL seemed to not care at all.

The thing is people in my day to day life say....oh get the work done and then charge the LL... I wouldn't do that as it is their property not mine. On the flip side they will not fix things.

I will be moving on, I just can't help feeling frustrated.

OP posts:
grapewine · 09/09/2021 19:48

Definitely move. DP can then decide what to do. This is not your problem.

DrSbaitso · 09/09/2021 19:50

I've seen a fair few relationships in which a competent woman takes over because the man is completely useless at getting anything done.

The women have never been happy and the men have never been respectful or appreciative.

esloquehay · 09/09/2021 19:58

Your partner is an absolute waste of space. You deserve better!

MargosKaftan · 09/09/2021 20:20

Think very carefully about building a future with your dp. This lazy approach- this "stuff happens and you just put up with it rather than deal with it and hope for the best" would be very frustrating in the long run.

Lolabray · 09/09/2021 20:39

Get a flat on your own. Show him whose boss :)

TurquoiseDragon · 09/09/2021 20:59

OP, you need to dump and move on.

He's showing his true colours now, and will never change. If you have DC, he'll basically leave it all up to you, and would you really want to raise them in this crappy house? He won't move until he absolutely has too, eg house on fire.

littlecrocodiles · 09/09/2021 21:04

How bad are the issues/faults @crackeroncrack?
Electrics, damp/mould, heating, water, broken windows, damage to stairs etc etc?

When contacting LL about the problems have you done it in writing? Text/email etc is fine? Or via phone calls?

Do you have a current gas safety certificate (12 months old or less)? Has an electrical check been done and a report issued since June? What's the EPC rating? Is your deposit protected?
If the answer to any of the above is no then contact your local council's environmental health team and ask them to do a HHSRS inspection.
They can serve notice on LL which requires them to do repairs (depends on severity of deficiencies/hazards)

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 09/09/2021 21:07

Urgh.
Move out

And try to imagine various life situations and how useless he would be.

misskatamari · 10/09/2021 08:23

I'm sure you will feel like a massive weight has lifted if you get out of this situation. It must be so stressful to live with it. You should feel comfortable and relaxed and safe in your home. I can't imagine you feel much of any of those, living with problems in your house that you can't get sorted, it must feel so frustrating. Move out, you will be so glad you did

crackeroncrack · 10/09/2021 16:43

@Chikapu No.

OP posts:
LaMontser · 10/09/2021 17:29

Have you tried sticking a fork in your DP to see if that prompts him to work?

crackeroncrack · 10/09/2021 17:51

@littlecrocodiles That's really useful, thank you. The flat is part of a complex run by a management company. This company are equally difficult.

Essentially I think the LL thinks the company cover it all and they have not. In a recent non relevant incident we both tried to pin down who was responsible for what in order to get things checked/fixed and no one really knew and no one wanted to answer. This is when all the very vague terms start coming out and the LL just basically disappears off the scene.

The vaugery is more annoying than anything else really. If someone said to me cracker it's your job to x/y/z in return for low rent then I'd do it.

OP posts:
billy1966 · 10/09/2021 18:02

I cannot stress enough to you, that thinking a man who has lived in a shit hole for years, is going to morph into a house proud man who is interested in a lovely clean, comfortable home where he does DIY.

Maybe as an urban myth there is an example of this, but I'm suspicious.

I shared houses and we certainly were messy mares but we had standards...low standards, but the place was clean.

I couldn't be with a man who lived in a hole.

This is his standard, and he's happy with it.
It's not fun being the adult who has to drive everything.
Its thankless, exhausting and draining.
Flowers

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