TTC maybe isn't for me anymore

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I feel a bit sad at the moment. I'm in TWW and period due Saturday.

I'm feeling sad at the thought of a negative and worried at the thought of a positive (have had previous losses)

I'm starting to think it's just not for me anymore and I should forget about parenthood.

I've had enough of hearing about people's pregnancy announcements and get very bitter at pregnant women. Not nice but true. It sends me angry, even when I see celebrity announcements I think 'why is her pregnancy ok and not mine'

I don't know why my brain reacts in that way I'm not a bad person but TTC is sending me a bit twisted.

AIBU to feel this way

Maybe take a break from actively trying for a bit? So carry on having unprotected sex, but stop the testing, counting, waiting. It can be difficult.

@TestingTestingWonTooFree I totally understand what you mean but I also feel like that will mean it drags on - I also don't want to carry on normal life ie - no alcohol, no spin classes etc out of fear of losing a potential baby if I don't know I'm pregnant. But then changing my lifestyle also means I cannot forget about TTC either.

I never ever thought I would end up like this.

Definitely take a break if you need to. Have you had any counselling after your losses? How does your partner feel about it all?

@AnneLovesGilbert I had counselling around the time of my losses but I didn't really talk about the losses as I kinda got on and carrried on with life quite quickly after. Perhaps delayed grief I don't know but now it's two years on and still not pregnancy and many friends have had second babies in that time it's just starting to get me down.

I don't see how counselling can help me at this point.

Partner doesn't know I feel this way, he honestly wants TTC to drag on longer because he enjoys the more regular sex 🙄

He would say I'm being silly

Moderate drinking and exercise won’t harm a baby OP, have you been told to stop doing those things or is it self imposed? Are you under a recurrent miscarriage clinic?

It’s shit. Been there. Ttc is shit. Miscarriage is shit. The whole thing can become devastating and exhausting.

How old are you? Is time an issue for you or your partner?

YANBU at all.

Not to be insensitive but it's OK to exercise and have the odd glass of wine while TTC? Those things wouldn't cause miscarriage.

@AnneLovesGilbert it's self imposed - because I don't want to ruin any chance of further problems. It's making me very paranoid. I went out tonight and had a small glass of wine the first in the tww I have a few days left of tww and it ruined my mood as I felt guilty for doing that.

And then thought what if today the baby's brain was affected or heart because I had a drink today and it intercepted the cells. I sound crazy I know but this is what TTC is doing to me!!

Also I am heavily exercising but no hiit incase I am doing something wrong to the baby as they say keep exercise low intensity

I'm mid thirties

Hey, didn't want to read and run. Sorry to hear you're having a hard time and you're previous losses.
Don't put life on hold during TWW with things like exercising, alcohol etc.
I've been where you are. Nearly 2 years for us to conceive with 3 losses in that time. I stopped exercise (regularly HIIT and Weight train x6 a week) and alcohol during my TWWs as I thought it would help, but realised it just made me worse as I was constantly dwelling on TTC. Carried on exercise, took a break from the joy that is TTC sex and it massively helped me mentally.
If you're feeling down, I would honestly take a break as it can be so hard.
Rest assured though that exercise and alcohol would have no impact on future development on baby during tww. Hope you feel better soon.

@Theawkwardblonde thank you so much. It's because every article I read says stop drinking tww it's just made me paranoid.

But perhaps you're right, is it really going to do harm at such early stage? I guess I need to (try) and relax.

I’m sorry YANBU to feel the way you do.

Counselling could be helpful in working through your anxieties, which are completely understandable and normal given what you’ve been through, I’m not judging at all, because of the way they’re impacting on the rest of your life.

The way I stayed as sane as I could was to carry on with life as much as possible. We’re all different and obviously different approaches work for different people. I talked to my husband, I talked on here to other women ttc after multiple mcs who I’m still friends with now. I had acupuncture with a wonderful woman who let me chat crap for ah hour and let it all out in a safe place while she stuck needles in me.

@seaandsandcastles thank you x

@AnneLovesGilbert I have been carrying on but tonight for some reason it just hit me like a ton of bricks. That I'm fed up with it and trying to pretend I'm 'carrying in as normal' when it's constantly back if my mind.

Also I start thinking people must be thinking something wrong with me - why is it taking so long to TTC also don't want to confide in them either though.

Arrr it just sucks.

A lot of people who aren’t actively trying drink alcohol and do exercise before realising they’re pregnant, and go on to have healthy pregnancies.

It sounds like you’re putting a lot of pressure on yourself, and stopping all the things you enjoy.

is it really going to do harm at such early stage?
I was born in 1976, when women didn't realise they were pregnant for the first couple of months so likely drank and even smoked in that time. When the GP confirmed they were pg, they were advised to drink Guinness for the iron. DM drank two bottles a week, even though she hated the stuff!
I turned out absolutely fine, as did millions of other babies from that era. I hope you are able to shake the guilt off

I’m so sorry for your losses. I say this as someone who also been through lots of losses jus exercise and have the odd glass of it makes you happier! - exercising is not bad when pregnant. You might have to modify later in pregnancy, but nothing you’ve described is of any concern in the early stages. Just enjoy!!

I know what you’re going through, it’s just all consuming and exhausting. I think you need to acknowledge how hard it is and indulge yourself a bit. Get some “me” time. Go for a massage, sit on your arse with a tub of ice cream, do something indulgent you wouldn’t normally do. And do these things relatively regularly. There is no way round it being a tough journey. Take care of yourself while you’re on it.

Moderate exercise that doesn't involve using your abdominal muscles is absolutely fine and so is the occasional glass of wine during pregnancy. Honestly. Back in my day people smoked too!

Have you been trying to conceive for long?

I can relate to your post. I spent 5 years in the weird limbo! What helped me was deliberately spending more time with friends with no DC and/or who were also a bit marginalised from society (as that is how I felt).

You need someone to talk to too as your DH sounds rather clueless. Counsellors can be good if you find the right match.

@Plumtree391 first loss was 2019 had to put on hold TTC due to medical condition I had to get under control before TTC again. TTC now again had another loss.

I can relate to your situation .
I’ve always found this post gives hope. The poster was very despondent and you can see she thought it was never going to happen and there was no point then she posted an update a year later at the end of the thread.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/infertility/3300320-Almost-37-too-fat-for-fertility-treatment-desperate-and-running-out-of-time