@worrybutterfly - I'd love to know where this utopia of getting more rent than care home fees land is! My mum's care home was charging £650 per week to self funders in 2018. That was for the basic care including food etc. For the higher care it was £695.
And they weren't a nursing home where you'd have more medical care. They' just' looked after dementia patients who could feed themselves (most of the time with encouragement). I think the people working there were saints. If that were still the rate, which I'd doubt after three years and Covid, you'd need to rent your home for over £2800 per month. Plus, of course, that fee doesn't include hairdressing, chiropody, personal stuff like deodrant or shampoo.
I totally agree the 'new' way that Boris has come up with doesn't allow for the rich who can bypass all of these taxes. But insisting dementia patients sell their homes to pay for care isn't fair - we don't ask others to sell their property when they need care in the home or have to go into care to cope. People cannot help getting dementia and, as we all live longer, many of our families will have to watch us decline like we did our mum. Either it's a case of everyone sells the home they want to leave to family or we find another way. You cannot have a two tiered system and a 'lottery' of illness.
There seems to be this idea that someone who inherits a home in these dementia circumstances has just sat by greedily waiting for a relative to die. No one bats an eyelid when a home is sold after the death of a person with another illness.
Many families are quietly working in the background desperately trying NOT to put their loved one into care. Many women, and most carers are women, have to give up work during their final 10 years at work. Which hugely impacts their pension. Which means they go onto benefits and have to have help when they retire. So that inherited house can mean the difference between them having a reasonable retirement and not needing benefits and us paying to keep their heads above water. The average homeowner doesn't have a second home or a huge pension. And care doesn't start in a care home. It begins many, many years before.
We were 'lucky' as mum was a council tenant and only had a state pension so were able to access help for free or relatively little. She didn't have a house to pass on. We, as a family, cared for her in her council flat for 5 years with increasingly more assistance. Just to put this idea of 'everyone with dementia goes into a care home and everything is dandy' into perspective...here's mum's story (and ours wasn't bad in comparison to many).
She began by forgetting to wipe down the kitchen surfaces or clean the loo. Then, over the five years she needed help with:
Washing and dressing - she'd forget to wash or put on underwear etc.
Medication - she was on warfarin. We started off with a pill box, then a call from one of us to remind her to take her tablet as she forgot to take the pills. She then got to the stage that she forgot what she needed to do from putting the phone down to getting to the table where her pill box was. Then, even more dangerously, she forgot she'd already taken the day's supply of pills so took the next days too.
So we had to buy in help twice a day to give her the tablets. Or she would have bled to death if she had a cut because warfarin thins the blood.
She then forgot how to cook 'properly' so we got her ready meals.
Then she began to leave meals in the oven or on the hob so we started with meals on wheels.
Finally she had to have 'soft' food as her ability to swallow was compromised by the dementia.
She would call at 11pm to say her diabetic nurse hadn't been. The nurse would come at 11am but mum forgot there were two 11 o'clock's in a day and wouldn't figure out why it was dark.
She then began calling in the early hours asking when her mini bus was coming to take her to her Day Centre.
We helped with cleaning, clothes washing and her appointments. I covered 27 appointments in one year because of her heart and diabetes. There was no way I could return to work when our DS reached school age. Who'd employ someone who had to have 27 days off just for appointments for their mum?
Mum finally went into a care home after a series of falls and her wandering off at 4.00am. She thought it was 4.00pm and went to find her Day Centre mini bus.
Luckily she was in sheltered housing and the main door was locked.
She finally died last year after two years in care. We were lucky as it was a great home, she was cared for very well.
Many families are battling for a lot longer to try to keep mum or dad at home. A lot of families get into real financial hardship with dementia. We need to find a way of getting help more quickly, making the whole system fairer. Not this 'illness lottery' that says if you get dementia we'll take your savings, your home and any other assets but if you have a different illness you can pass that on.
It is not the fault of the person, nor their family, that they get dementia. If homes are sold for dementia patients then they should be sold for all care. Otherwise we need to find a better way.
If you've got to the end of this...thank you!