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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My baby got a heat rash at nursery

152 replies

Galou · 06/09/2021 21:21

My baby girl is almost 9 months and today was her first full day at nursery after a 2 weeks settling period.

When I went to pick her up she was red in the face, her hair was greasy with the moisturiser I'd ask the nursery staff to apply on her for her eczema, had dirt trapped between her fingers and in the creases of her neck and arms, food on her face and fingers.... but, most shocking of all, a heat rash at the back of her neck!

My husband says I worry too much and that it's normal that babies and kids get messy and it's part of life, I shouldn't make a fuzz about it.

I'm thinking, we are paying the equivalent of our mortgage for a reputable nursery, they should be able to keep my precious little girl clean and comfortable! Am I being unreasonable?

Also, I always make sure she has lots of different clothes in her bag in case it gets hot or cold or it rains... how come she got a heat rash??? Did they not check if she was hot?

My heart is breaking and I don't seem to be able to separate my anxious mummy feelings from my objective thoughts ... what has been your experience with nurseries? Shall I speak to them? Do I speak to the key person looking after my daughter or do I speak to the management team? I don't want to be that mum but I just can't except that this is how it's going to be....

OP posts:
QueenHofScotland · 07/09/2021 12:01

Better to put on light clothes and provide a cardigan / coat in case they go outdoors

hookiewookie29 · 07/09/2021 12:03

Childminder here. Grubby, yes. Muck between fingers and in creases on neck, no. Takes 2 seconds with a baby wipe! I don't change clothes unless there's been a nappy explosion.

seaandsandcastles · 07/09/2021 12:06

Yes, YABU and if you can’t accept that’s what it’ll be like then nursery isn’t for you.

Oceanbliss · 07/09/2021 12:12

@Galou I agree with pp that cleaning a baby’s face and hands after a meal is basic care and so I would be concerned about that. Everything else I wouldn’t worry about. You sound like a good mum who loves your baby and wants to know that she is ok and well cared for. Flowers

Peanutsandchilli · 07/09/2021 12:17

It was warm yesterday. It sounds like she's had a lovely time, got messy and dirty, they've fed her and catered to her medical needs. I've never had a child that young in nursery, but this wouldn't worry me in the slightest.

Original poster
Galou · 07/09/2021 12:20

@Oceanbliss thank you for your kind words, means a lot!

OP posts:
mumwon · 07/09/2021 12:34

if it had been sunburn I would be saying something
heat rash after the temperature yesterday? not unexpected & it will happen again but by all means mention it as a by the way -

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 07/09/2021 12:35

She does sound particularly dirty epecially for such a young age. I'd have a chat with the keycarer and hopefully they will take more care next time. I wouldn't raise with manager unless things don't improve next time.

JassyRadlett · 07/09/2021 12:44

“dirt trapped between her fingers and in the creases of her neck”-That’s pretty bad in my opinion.

Although in my experience of eczema cream and/or suncream in a child who runs hot and sweats quite easily - that stuff is a grime magnet even in the cleanest environment.

My youngest feels the heat and looks like a lobster after 5 minutes of running around. If he's got skin cream or suncream on, he will invariably get dirt stuck to him. Doesn't happen to my eldest who is less sweaty.

I suppose the lesson is OP partly about the clothes you send her in - are they cool enough for the weather if you have a baby who runs hot and is susceptible to heat rash? And I'd focus your chat with nursery on her feeling the heat and how they can help her to stay cool.

Workinghardeveryday · 07/09/2021 12:46

@Galou I totally understand where you are coming from. I remember being very worried and surprised how dirty mine were when I collected them - food all over, stained clothes, absolutely filthy!! And this was the most expensive nursery in the area!!!
It took me a couple of weeks to realise that they were fine! Kids play and they get very dirty. They have a lot of kids to entertain and keep safe, last thing they worry about is them being messy believe me.
It’s a very strange feeling putting your little one in a strangers care for the first time and everything you are feeling is natural.
If you are worried about her overheating then voice your concerns, I would, the rest just let it go.
You have the whole nap time dramas to come yet! You say, ‘please put her down at 1-3’. They put her down 3-5 and she won’t sleep at home....
Xx

Peridotty · 07/09/2021 12:49

I’d be seriously upset if I were you! My toddler comes home clean and happy. She sometimes has paint on her clothes but that’s it. Because of hygiene I know they are good at washing her hands when she comes from outside. It would break my heart if she was not looked after well at nursery.

YouMeandtheSpew · 07/09/2021 12:50

My son comes home filthy from nursery, but not typically with food on his face and hands (although it has happened).

One thing to bear in mind is that the fact she had a snotty nose or mucky face or whatever at pick-up doesn’t mean she had a snotty nose or mucky face all day. They may have wiped her nose 10 minutes before you came to get her and it ran again between then and when you came to collect her.

As for the heat rash, the sun cream and eczema cream won’t have helped that - how did you dress her? it can be really tricky to dress babies for nursery in spring or autumn because it might be a bit chilly when you get them dressed in the morning and 25 degrees by lunchtime. I’ve learnt over time the best thing to do is dress my son in t-shirt and shorts and put a hoody on him that they can quickly whip off when it gets warm mid-morning, rather than expecting them to do a full outfit change when he gets too hot.

LowlandLucky · 07/09/2021 13:13

Your Daughter will be fine and you will be fine.

dopeyduck · 07/09/2021 13:17

YABU kids get dirty - Jesus my DS looks like this after 30 mins in the garden. Put her in a cool bath and problem solved.

DS is forever getting heat rashes in the sunshine. He's a sweaty thing and charges about at 100mph and loves nothing more than being in the sun.

If he's got a hat on, sun cream applied regularly and well hydrated and offered plenty of food (he's a terrible eater) I don't really care about him being dirty. Of course I expect his nappy to be changed regularly and him cleaned properly so not sore.

You need to be less precious or the toddler years are going to be incredibly difficult for you.

Sonarl · 07/09/2021 13:18

YABU but this is normal PFB :)

Just remember this in the future when you see the state of her teenage bedroom :)

Dandy0911 · 07/09/2021 13:51

You've used words such as 'shocking' and 'my heart is breaking' Hmm

Heat rash is common, normal, nothing to worry about.. all kids will get it at some point.

Eczema cream + hot weather + fun activities outside = children getting messy.

You're being really really precious. Sorry.

Original poster
Galou · 07/09/2021 14:16

@Dandy0911 I've used words to describe my feelings. Our feelings are not our actions, they don't need to be justified or apologised for, they are all real and therefore valid. I've shared my feelings looking for different perspective, fellow mums' experience and, ultimately, reassurance.

I'm very grateful for all the helpful points of view and words of encouragement, it's been good for me to recalibrate. I've also been very surprised at the few "quick fire" responses that could do more harm than good to any new mum finding her ways in what is undoubtedly a challenging time of transition and adaptation.

To any other mums reading this thread and wondering if they are being unreasonable when worrying about their babies, I'd say, "No such thing! It's a matter of finding the right balance for you and them and knowing that you'll make mistakes but it'll all make you a better mum ultimately. It's a learning curve. Give time time."

I spoke to my daughter's key person today after realising she also had a sunburn ( which I suspected but it was not too obvious last night.) They were very attentive and supportive and I feel much reassured about it all now. Fingers crossed I'll pick up a happy, slightly less dirty and comfortably feeling little girl today Smile

Thank you all for your comments!

OP posts:
Caspianberg · 07/09/2021 14:27

I wouldn’t be happy with that.

Coming home dirty with mud or paint from fun I am fine with, but I would expect them to make sure a 9months old doesn’t have milk or food left in neck or on face. That’s standard after giving them food or drink.

Heat rash - depends, but again they should be putting layers on or off according to temperature. I would be worried baby too cold in winter if they aren’t doing so

Muchasgracias · 07/09/2021 14:30

My expectations of nursery would be they keep my DC safe, well fed, stimulated and happy. Coming home a bit dirty is par for the course.

Heat rash is also a physiological thing. Was the nursery well ventilated when you picked up? If anything enquire about that and let them know about the heat rash so they are now aware.

Peace43 · 07/09/2021 14:32

They get SO dirty at nursery and it carries on into school. My DD is now 10 and can finally come home clean most days! You are being unreasonable to expect a kid to come home clean from nursery!

GameSetMatch · 07/09/2021 14:47

My son came home filthy yesterday, mud around his mouth, mud in his nails and paint up his sleeve, I thought ‘great looks like he’s had a fun day in the mud kitchen’ no way would I ask why he’s not been kept clean. Heat rash happens I get it even when I am wearing a T-shirt and shorts.

hangrylady · 07/09/2021 14:47

YABU. It's 30 degrees and heatrash is very common, especially in children.

hangrylady · 07/09/2021 14:49

My DS9 managed to get his school shirt dirty today before he even left the house.

Sprogonthetyne · 07/09/2021 14:50

Non of the dirt would bother me, they do get grubby, but generally while having fun. As a rule they don't tend to change clothes unless they're wet or a nappy leaks, so you probably aren't helping by sending in several clothing options, they just don't have time to change all the children. Instead can you aim for nursery clothes that will be OK in a range of conditions. I usually go for leggings and a long sleeve t-shirt, with a warm coat for if they go outside, seems to work better then jumpers/ layers that don't get put on or taken off.

EmbarrassingMama · 07/09/2021 14:51

You're not going to be able to cope very well as she gets older! They come out from nursery looking like street urchins every day. Do you want the staff to spend the day playing with the kids or constantly re-dressing 20 children 3 times a day...?

Massive PFB behaviour.