AIBU to tell friend the moment has passed?

[AutumnBliss]

Both Good friend and I turned 40 the same year. Hers was a few months before mine. We ended up going for a very expensive meal for hers and I spent a fair bit on her present. I made quite a fuss of her. I even made her a cake.

Then it was mine. She was on holiday when I celebrated it but she told me she had a gift for me and we’d celebrate some other time. I’ve seen her a good number of times since then and it has never materialised. That’s absolutely fine, I’m not a child, but she annoyingly keeps bringing it up e.g. “oh, I must bring your present”. She doesn’t live far so it’s not hard to drop it off.

AIBU to say the moment has passed and stop bringing it up. The main reason being that last month was my 41st and the moment really has passed. I don’t want to be still having this conversation when I am 60. I am a bit miffed that hers was a massive event but mine was unimportant but that’s fine, I’ve learned my lesson.

Did she give you a gift for your 41st? Surely that put a stop to it?!

She's not been a good friend over this, has she? She's happily accepted all you did for her and then promised the same - now it's a year later ffs! I think I'd be quite sharp about it.

@GreyhoundG1rl

Did she give you a gift for your 41st? Surely that put a stop to it?!

Place marking for finding out that she hasn't bothered with 41st either

Yeah I think I'd have to say something. That would annoy me. Bad form.on her part.

Yes, the moment has passed. I had the same experience and also feel miffed. Lesson learned!

Yes, tell her!!!

Yes, definitely say something and I hope you didn't do anything for her 41st !

I HAD a friend like this.
Your not important to her plus she thinks you're stupid and she can pretend she bought you something and you'll fall for it.
I'm still waiting for my gift a 'friend' ordered me from Amazon two years ago

We don’t do gifts for normal birthdays. Just cards. So, it didn’t materialise on 41st either.

I really don’t want anything. One of the reasons why I made such an effort for hers was because she kept going on about my 40th and how she had some great ideas for a present.

If that's friendship, I think I will pass😬 I don't have any, so don't have these dilemmas to dwell upon. Every cloud and all that...

Very annoying. I think you should say something

"You've been saying that since before I turned 40 and in 41 now!"

I say just sit tight. It's been a shite year. What if she really has got an amazing present? I know she has spoilt it somewhat but maybe there's stuff going on behind the scenes that's making her appear to be an arsehole? The moment has not passed. It just hasn't happened yet.

P.s. please update thread when you receive the holiday of a lifetime / diamond earrings / Porsche.

Yes think I'd say, "I'm starting to think this present doesn't exist, as it's been a year!" She ll soon stop mentioning it, after that comment.

How unkind of her to not reciprocate at all. And then mention non existent present multiple times for no reason.

Think about whether you value the friendship and want to continue bothering with her.

Yes, I think once you've lapped the next birthday, the time has passed. Officially. I'd tell her.

She's doing that thing where she thinks if she just mentions 'oh, I must bring your present' then she's won kudos for thinking of it but doesn't actually have to get you one.

In short, she's a terrible person. The moment has passed but don't do her any more favours. Don't treat her to lunch, don't give her lifts and don't write off costs that you ordinarily would have written off.

Next time she brings it up offer to call round to collect it that day. That will tell whether she has actually bought one or not.

If she'd got him something, you'd have had it by now.

@Notaroadrunner

Next time she brings it up offer to call round to collect it that day. That will tell whether she has actually bought one or not.

Go one better. Text her and just say I’m passing by yours later I know you keep saying you must drop it off and it has been a year now - so I thought I’d pick it up as you keep forgetting - be there tonight at 8 pm can’t wait to see it as the build up for the last year has been huge!

*you

You could be passive aggressive and tell her it's the thought that counts

"Friends" can be highly overrated. That's why I don't have any lol. Learned the lessons big time. I'm older now and couldn't give a toss anymore.

Many are high maintenance, constantly late, break confidences, are users, unreliable,and all for a cup of coffee or a drink now and then.

Forgive me or shoot me now.

I would definitely be tempted to say that to her. That just sounds so annoying.

A few years ago a friend randomy told me she had a Christmas present for me even though we don't do presents. I got her something then, and then for about 8-9 months she did the whole "I must bring your present" thing. I was very bored by the idea of this present by the time one appeared!

She’s not got you one!
Definitely suggest going over to collect it

I love how you only got her a present because she said she’d got you one. You don’t sound like a great friend either tbh…