DS starting school - am I heartless?

[Bellabelloo]

My son is starting reception tomorrow. He's excited. I'm excited for him. But I see so many posts by people in floods of tears lamenting their child starting school. Am I heartless for not feeling that way?

I want him to be happy and confident and independent and see school as the start of this.

Maybe I'll break down at drop off tomorrow, but I doubt it.

I haven't cried leaving either of mine at childminder/nursery, preschool or primary school.
I did weep when my eldest left preschool (and expect to again when youngest leaves TBH!) but I don't think that was "dramatic". I was emotional about it as we bloody loved the preschool and a lot of the teachers and staff were emotional too as they really care about the children and would miss them. Also we didn't really get to say a proper farewell due to Covid restrictions, which made it harder.
I am quite an emotional sort though, I cried when my DCs birthday got read out on their favourite podcast as the reaction was so wonderful.
I will probably cry when they both leave primary school too!

I don't think you're heartless. My DD hasn't started school yet, but I do always roll my eyes when parents start the "stop growing up please 😭" comments, usually from as soon as their baby has grown at all since birth. I've always found it exciting that she's growing up! I get it when they stop being affectionate etc but it seems a bit much to be sad that your one month old is now a three month old, and then on and on in that manner...

I don't tend to get emotional about these things either. Though I think it helps to have dc's who couldn't care less where you leave them as long as they are having fun both of mine could barely tear themselves away from playing to say goodbye to me on their first day's of preschool/school. I would imagine it's harder when your child is anxious, crying or doesn't want you to leave them.

The one thing that I did find weird was leaving my eldest on her first day of preschool. I felt like "hang on, so I'm just going to leave my crazy toddler here and you, a stranger, are going to look after her for a few hours? You are going to play with her and clean her up if she wets herself and deal with her tantrums? And I can just go and leave you to it? " As a parent who had had very little childcare help from friends/family I found that quite mind blowing. I practically skipped with glee all the way home 😂

@Sirtzy.
That i lovely. Best wishes to all of you 💐

Start of private nursery when babies = an instinctive wrench.
Start of Primary = all fine.
Start of Secondary = felt like a bigger step that Primary and that I was losing a little bit of them and me losing the Primary closeness (village).
Start of Uni = dropped him off, drove off the campus, parked up and cried my little heart out. I am yet to see how I feel if/when DS2 goes to Uni!

@Sirzy

Of course your not being unreasonable.

I did cry when I got home from taking ds to his first day of high school last week but that was because due to his disabilities we never thought he would make mainstream secondary so it’s a massive thing.

That's so lovely. I hope he's enjoying every second of it :).

Wait until they're uni age ... the FB uni pages are something else! Full of poems and tears and helicopter mums.

When I dropped my twins off for their first day at school, I went home and got into bed ... the best sleep I'd had for years .

@DramaAlpaca

I never felt that way either, and I was happy as a clam when my youngest left primary. No tears for me!

Yep. And me.

YANBU, OP, but neither are the Mums getting upset. You can't change how you feel.

Exactly. I will be emotional, but I'll save it for home once she's safely inside. I'm not generally a dramatic person, I won't be posting gushing SM posts or regurgitating shit 'poetry'. I'm generally level headed and pragmatic but for some reason her leaving nursery has unsettled me. I know logically that she'll be fine and I'm excited for this next step, but I can't help feeling a bit sad too. It's not just for effect.

@Ionlydomassiveones

Your response is healthy OP. Dramatic parenting fuelled by social media is what you’re up against.

100% agree with this!

Not heartless at all OP, I think it's a great attitude to have.
I had a cry when mine started school and when my eldest started high school (not in front of the children of course) I'm a sentimental sod and cry at lots of things and it certainly isn't for social media's benefit or attention etc, Bit rotten of people to suggest it is really.

I find last days sadder, than the start.

I've never got teary or sad at "landmarks". I've got friend who was in tears when her DC moved from the baby room to the toddler room at nursery. All I could think was "get a grip". But I'm pretty stone hearted!

If you are then so am I. I rarely get emotional.

You are rational and sensible OP. Your child is confident and knows you will be there for him at the end of the day. Well done, both of you.

Ds' dad did one of the first drop offs and came back absolutely baffled by all the crying parents. He said "they do realise the kids come home at the end of the day do they ?"

Neither of us cried and ds went in happily, I do get that it can be emotional for some though so each time their own 🤷🏽‍♀️

@ManifestDestinee

Most parents are normal but a small handful are bizarre with hysterical sobbing. I never understood as I skipped merrily away for a quiet coffee. Dh was stood there as we left going wtf happened? why are those mums crying? Did we miss something?

It's performative. You're supposed to get just how amazing they are and how perfect their children are, and how they can't cope with being apart.
Plenty of normal people get a little upset but they don't make a show of it.

I'll never forget when my FIL met my eldest (his first DGC) and was with his new wife and she ruined the moment by dramatically fanning her face with her hand and blubbing. It was so performative and ruined the moment for DH and FIL as they had to comfort her. I didn't even cry at my own children's births

It was “a moment” for me with my first. But then I felt a complete knob when she came home a few hours later and it was business as usual .

These days, I count down the days until school starts!

You’re definitely not alone, OP. I’ve never gone in from the gushy sentimental stuff either.

I cannot WAIT for mine to start school! He’s only one though, so I’ve got a bit of a wait.

@Nosferatussidebit

I've never got teary or sad at "landmarks". I've got friend who was in tears when her DC moved from the baby room to the toddler room at nursery. All I could think was "get a grip". But I'm pretty stone hearted!

Ha ha! I’d be the same. I think ‘graduation’ ceremonies they constantly host for tiny kids moving from one room to another is a load of absolute bollocks.

Same
I have a friend who reports she’s crying and wailing just at the sight of her little one in their school uniform
I just don’t get it it’s a fantastic new opportunity and challenge for them it’s exciting New experiences new friends and for me with my last going to school a new stage of life

Some of us are more emotional than oothers. It doesn't make you a crap parent if you don't cry and it doesn't make you a crap parent if you do!

I don't get it. One friend posted so proud of you...you got this.

Proud baffled me as I don't see any achievement he reached the required age to start.

No way are you heartless OP. Both my DD’s were the same. Ran off and enjoyed it. I love having them home but I was so happy for them that they were confident in going in ad actively enjoyed school. I hate seeing some of the children getting so upset at the thought of going in because this is where they are going to spend a lot of time. I was always grateful that I didn't have them clinging because it looked so bloody hard!