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Original poster

DS starting school - am I heartless?

106 replies

Bellabelloo · 05/09/2021 21:48

My son is starting reception tomorrow. He's excited. I'm excited for him. But I see so many posts by people in floods of tears lamenting their child starting school. Am I heartless for not feeling that way?

I want him to be happy and confident and independent and see school as the start of this.

Maybe I'll break down at drop off tomorrow, but I doubt it.

OP posts:
SoundBar · 06/09/2021 00:27

I think the self-reported wailing is a bit over emphasized tbh. I felt proud of DC and was so excited for their first week of school. They did really well and I'm just hoping it continues!

Zombiemum1946 · 06/09/2021 00:31

I didn't cry and neither did the kids. I went home and drank my tea in peace and quiet.

FAQs · 06/09/2021 00:38

No social media post from me when I dropped my dd on her first day but I was tearful and ashamed I was tearful, other parents who I did not yet know did look and a couple raised their eyebrows, however it was a miracle we had got to that stage, I’d suffered severe PND and had been suicidal so to reach that stage was a milestone.

Another emotional mums dd was born very premature and had been seriously ill, you never know the reasons, sometimes it’s not for dramatic reasons or the parent being pathetic.

mellicauli · 06/09/2021 00:40

I guess some people react with their brain, some with their heart. Neither is right or wrong. And the tears aren't unhappy tears, they are just a few happy tears, tears of pride that your child has reached this big milestone, tears that things are about to change and you loved that baby/toddler life which is now over. It's an emotional time...if you are the emotional type!

Smartiepants79 · 06/09/2021 09:13

I was excited and happy for mine to start school.
I did still shed a tear as I walked away from that first day though.
It was the end of a significant part of our lives. It’s ok to feel a bit sad and nostalgic I think.
I’m not into the facebook dramatics though.
It’s also fine not to have cried. It all comes down to personality and circumstances doesn’t it.

londonrach · 06/09/2021 09:25

I didn't and don't think any of my friends did...it's the next stage, very exciting.

Starrynight468 · 06/09/2021 09:33

Nope you're not wrong or heartless.

The narrative of children being your world and identity that a lot of people have makes it hard for them. I may be a heartless cow but I didnt cry for any primary or secondary school starts or finishes. I do cry at every bloody parents evening though, I once got so emotional I hugged the headteacher Blush but I'm not a child centric parent. My dcs needs are met, they're wanted and loved, I just don't base my identity on being a mum or virtue signalling that I'm a better mum than others by crying about first days or saddened by growing up.

Tlollj · 06/09/2021 09:35

I never cried when my started. Didn’t have Facebook then so no performance parenting going on. Well not as much anyway.
My grandchildren starting however that’s a different matter was emotional those days.

MsTSwift · 06/09/2021 09:36

I do think it’s bloody weird to broadcast your tears though. I was ashamed of my weird extreme reaction to dd1 starting school as I genuinely thought I would be fine and was taken aback by my strength of feeling. I was absolutely fine at the leaving primary school stuff not a tear shed glad to be out of there!

Mybestgirl · 06/09/2021 09:54

I went along with my friend when her little boy started school and we wept all the way on the walk home! He’d been in several foster home from being an infant and she’d adopted him…he looked so small and he was so happy to start school, showing me his bag, pencil case, his new shoes…he’s a man now with his own children, but I’ll never forget that first day at school…

GreenBiro · 06/09/2021 09:59

I am just absolutely bloody delighted that our DCs are here, happy and growing up healthily. Nothing to get upset about!

ManifestDestinee · 06/09/2021 10:02

Most parents are normal but a small handful are bizarre with hysterical sobbing. I never understood as I skipped merrily away for a quiet coffee. Dh was stood there as we left going wtf happened? why are those mums crying? Did we miss something?

It's performative. You're supposed to get just how amazing they are and how perfect their children are, and how they can't cope with being apart.
Plenty of normal people get a little upset but they don't make a show of it.

Wondergirl100 · 06/09/2021 10:04

no but it also doesn't make you a superior person. Can't we accept everyone is different? I did find it very emotional them starting school - but I also wanted them to be happy there - can't the two things co exist?

People don't cry because they don't want their kids to be independent - and that is a stupid thing to say.

youdoyoutoday · 06/09/2021 10:05

I get emotional at everything so a couple of tears when my DS starts and finishes a school year is kinda normal for us! I just well up with pride and love but I realise I'm a huge sap at times

Mrsjayy · 06/09/2021 10:11

Im at the. Other end where I have people crying or sobbing over "kids
"going to university! I never got in a state when mine started school or whatever.

noprofessional · 06/09/2021 10:12

I think it's a problem when they actually cry in front of the child. It sends confusing messages and often makes them upset when they'd otherwise be fine.
If it's a quiet tear in private or in social media where kids can't see it, I don't see a problem.

Hoppinggreen · 06/09/2021 10:13

@StepAwayFromGoogling

YANBU, OP, but neither are the Mums getting upset. You can't change how you feel.
Getting upset is natural and fine. The public drama (u ok Hun?) is bloody annoying
LakeShoreD · 06/09/2021 10:17

Mine was at the school nursery. So I dropped her off at the same place, wearing the same clothes and said hello to the same headmaster. Only difference was she went into a different classroom. So quite anticlimactic really. But isn’t it great that they’re happy, healthy and growing up. I can’t fathom why anyone would be upset about that.

Babynames2 · 06/09/2021 10:19

YANBU. There was none of this as DDs school this morning though, she’s just started reception. Everyone seemed more than happy to be sending them off Grin

I felt a bit teary as I walked away, but I’m 35 weeks pregnant and could cry at anything these days. Plus DD1 was DD2s entertainment all day, now I have to entertain her myself.

CasaBonita · 06/09/2021 10:23

I had a lump in my throat when mine started but floods of tears? No.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 06/09/2021 10:23

I found my DDs First Days very anticlimactic really.

DD1... she started a month late as we were moving. The teacher met her at the classroom door... and that was it. All the other children curious about another new friend. Another parent told me it was playgroup day and to bring my toddler along.

DD2... we moved again, so DD1 was also starting the school. Parents weren't allowed in playground, you just waved them goodbye at the gate (if they weren't coming on the bus, they did that from Day 2). No going into classrooms, or finding their pegs etc.

I've done First days at three other schools since then. Luckily no more plans to move... but I've got Secondary schools to look for now.

(I like the German method of First Day... they celebrate the children starting and make a big fuss of them growing up)

CoffeeWithCheese · 06/09/2021 10:57

I was a wreck when DD1 left the wonderful infants school (DD2's leavers stuff didn't happen because of Covid) - was gutted that she was moving on from somewhere so warm and supportive and with such lovely teaching staff... and then one of the staff had made a powerpoint of the kids' first day in nursery photos next to their year 2 school photos which just finished absolutely everyone in the hall at the time off.

First days - not usually something I get emotional about - I did a bit this year as they've transferred school because of a horrendous time at the junior school (infants = great, juniors = bullying rife and what SEN provision?!) and a lot of emotional baggage from what the kids have been through.

Turtletales · 06/09/2021 11:04

Most people would describe me as heartless Confused and I'm not an over the top lovey dovey person, but I balled like a newborn when my dc started reception and even more surprising to me cried at all their assemblies. I've also been very emotional the last few days as I'm now looking at secondary school for them and when I say emotional I mean randomly bursting into tears Grin
You're normal, so I wouldn't take anything personal.

mogtheexcellent · 06/09/2021 11:10

Christ no. I didnt shed a tear at all. Actually we were allowed in the class to settle them in an activity before we left and DD turned to ask why I was still there so I scooted off (avoiding a Dmum who was wailing and clutching her precious first born).

My DD is summer born but had been full time at nursery if that makes a difference.

JudgeJ · 06/09/2021 11:12

@sammyjoanne

I shed a little tear when DD when to school for the first time. But I literally bawled when I dropped her off at uni last year, with her starting her independent living and her new home in a different city. I've enjoyed the past couple of months her being at home, so will probably cry again in a couple of weeks lol. People react differently, but what ever stage your child is at, its an exciting time for them so its all good :)
Neither of us were too bothered when they started school, OH worked there so he dealt with it. The school secretary said there were two kinds of, generally, mothers, the one who had to be almost forcibly removed at break and sobbed in her office and the other kind came into the entrance hall from the Infant section and almost cheered, doing a jig. However when we took No 1 to Uni he sniffed for the first 100 miles of the journey back, calmed down then her favourite song came on the radio so he sniffed for the next 150 miles! Luckily I'm a hard-hearted mare!