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Original poster

DS starting school - am I heartless?

106 replies

Bellabelloo · 05/09/2021 21:48

My son is starting reception tomorrow. He's excited. I'm excited for him. But I see so many posts by people in floods of tears lamenting their child starting school. Am I heartless for not feeling that way?

I want him to be happy and confident and independent and see school as the start of this.

Maybe I'll break down at drop off tomorrow, but I doubt it.

OP posts:
Rosesandblossoms · 05/09/2021 22:42

I got. A bit Misty eyed when I dropped mine off but them being very excited about something new always gets me like that. Last time DD1 danced on stage I was the same.

Never felt bad or worried though. Or any of this ‘my baby!!!’ Nonsense.

Dramatic parenting….can’t be doing with it.

pecanmix · 05/09/2021 22:46

I feel the same op! I'm in a group chat with some mums and honestly the performative parenting is driving me mental. One of them sent a really soppy poem about teachers holding their hands or some crap and one of them replied with a photo of herself with tears on her face. And everyone else is saying ohhhhh how lovely is that ohhhh it's so emotional and I'm like Christ get a bloody grip!

It is new, and it can be scary and I get that if you have an anxious child it can be difficult. But it is a good thing! I can't wait for dd to expand her knowledge, she loved preschool and now she will get so much more out of school.

I may get in the car to go to work tomorrow and it finally sink in but I can't think of this as anything but a good thing! Also, it would be a cold day in hell before I posted a photo of myself crying to a group of (practically) strangers.

MrsAvocet · 05/09/2021 22:53

The only time I've got emotional about one of my children starting something was when I drove away leaving my DD sat in her little student room hundreds of miles from home. But even then I kept it in check. Its a normal part of growing up,not something to shed tears over in my opinion.

Peanutsandchilli · 05/09/2021 22:57

No, my daughter is starting reception this week and she's so looking forward to it that I don't think I could be upset. I don't remember crying with any of my older three either. I'm not one of these mums that posts their kids in their uniforms on social media though. Unnecessary, as nobody gives a damn anyway.

Happylittlethoughts · 05/09/2021 23:01

Well you are just you?! I don't like the tone of some comments. It's neither right or wrong to cry/not cry.
No moral superiority in not crying .

Nat6999 · 05/09/2021 23:01

Mine starts Y13 tomorrow, 10 months & he leaves school for good. This is his last 6 weeks holiday, it makes me feel really old, I really hope he gets a place at our hometown University next year because I'm not ready for him to leave home.

EmeraldRaine · 05/09/2021 23:04

No, you're just a much better person than them. Hmm

Cooper88 · 05/09/2021 23:05

My DS starts school tomorrow and I'm Happy and excited for him to start, however I have just said to DH I'm a little bit sad about it purely because he is my last. So bittersweet. I will not be in floods of tears at the school gate and the kids will not know I'm a little bit sad.

readwhatiactuallysay · 05/09/2021 23:06

Ours is starting tomorrow, staggered start so afternoons this week.
I dont think i will tear up then but may do when he starts his first full day next week and in properly.

He was very much looking forward to it but a little apprehensive tonight at bed time, so only time will tell how he goes in.

But no crying is a good thing if you feel you want to, holding it on does no favours but if you dont feel the need thats perfectly fine as well, theres no judgment either way, we understand everyone is different surely, so you wont be on your own OP

Comedycook · 05/09/2021 23:11

I've noticed the mums who get the most emotional are ironically the ones who are happiest to palm their kids off on relatives and friends as often as possible

MsAwesomeDragon · 05/09/2021 23:13

On dd1's first day of school I was a bag of nerves. Not for her, she was fine and very, very tasty for school. But for me -it was my first day as a teacher although luckily it was inset so I could arrive a bit late (prearranged) and take DD for her first day.

When dd2 started reception her childminder took her. I was at work, with a whole year 7 form relying on me being there for their first day. DH could have taken the day off to take her to school that first day but she was just as happy with the cm she'd been with since she was a baby. So we started as we meant to go on, cm taking and collecting.

I didn't cry either time. I didn't cry out get emotional when they left primary school either. I did get a bit teary when dd2 started secondary school last week but that's only because she was terrified and I wished there was something I could do to make it easier for her (she made a friend within an hour, all is fine and happy in dd2 world)

snowballer · 05/09/2021 23:14

@ohthatbloodycat

You're the one in the right OP 👍
No one is either right or wrong...

Some people get sad, some don't. What is actually wrong is when one side tells the other that the feelings they're experiencing are wrong or right. Jeez 🙄

MeredithGreyishblue · 05/09/2021 23:15

I think it's a really exciting time not one to be upset at. New stage, exciting new start!

However, nobody told my eyes - they will cry at anything these days. I welled up at the England footballers coming on to the pitch tonight. Hmm

sammyjoanne · 05/09/2021 23:17

I shed a little tear when DD when to school for the first time. But I literally bawled when I dropped her off at uni last year, with her starting her independent living and her new home in a different city. I've enjoyed the past couple of months her being at home, so will probably cry again in a couple of weeks lol.
People react differently, but what ever stage your child is at, its an exciting time for them so its all good :)

NortieTortie · 05/09/2021 23:18

YANBU, I think either reaction is perfectly normal. I was fine when my eldest started but my youngest is starting reception tomorrow and I do feel a bit choked up. He's super excited but my last baby and the end of a chapter Sad

m0therofdragons · 05/09/2021 23:32

Dh and I went together to drop off dtds on their first day as parents were encouraged to take them in, help them pop their coat on their peg etc and the twins were in different classes. I’d done this process previously with Dd1 so knew what to expect. Most parents are normal but a small handful are bizarre with hysterical sobbing. I never understood as I skipped merrily away for a quiet coffee. Dh was stood there as we left going wtf happened? why are those mums crying? Did we miss something?

Disclaimer: I cried at dd1’s year 6 leavers service but one of the year 6 girls we knew was going to a different school from the rest and started crying - seeing a dc cry set me off so I can’t really criticise the reception mums can I? Grin

WearingMyBestMardyPants · 05/09/2021 23:41

I'm excited for DS starting reception class. I was a bit (silently) emotional and choked up at him starting nursery class last year at 3. But am now glad it was last year, because he knows the school and its routines, knows his class mates and has met his new teacher. He's looking forward to wearing a shirt and tie which they don't in nursery.

I'm hopeful that he settles well and is happy this year. I might have a little weep when I get home, but that's for a myriad of reasons on top of my baby boy going to school.

ThinWomansBrain · 05/09/2021 23:45

Long time ago, but my mum used to say that she was emotional about me starting school - but as soon as we got there I asked why she wasn't going home.

Rosebel · 05/09/2021 23:55

No but I did cry when DD1 left primary school. It felt like the time flew by once she started school.
I was fine when DD2 left primary school though and no idea why I was so emotional first time round.

WTF475878237NC · 06/09/2021 00:08

It doesn't make you heartless. We're all different OP.

I'm not on social media so my tears are genuine. I don't understand why some people have to be nasty to those of us who do get emotional at our children growing up, with comments here about us being fake or dramatic for social media!

It's also for me something about a re-experiencing of the emotion at it having taken a decade to actually have my baby and a "pinch me" feeling if that makes sense OP.

poppythetroll · 06/09/2021 00:18

No tears here.... my DS is getting drop kicked into school tomorrow... he's only on half days Im considering offering the teacher a back hander to keep him all day GrinGrin (disclaimer: no children will be harmed in the dropping off at school tomorrow and he is also very excited Wink)

Wimpeyspread · 06/09/2021 00:20

When my eldest started school, my youngest was 2 months old. I was just relieved to have one less at home!!

Bootskates · 06/09/2021 00:20

I didn't cry but it was hard to walk away. She wasn't screaming for me or anything she just looked a little unsure and nervous.

I had a bit of a cry after dropping her off at nursery at 10m on my first day back from mat leave though. And one morning when she was about 2 and had spent the morning having a shocker of a tantrum about everything and a I cried a bit on the way to work.

toomuchlaundry · 06/09/2021 00:21

I get emotional but not for social media purposes, it is just who I am. I didn’t howl and wail in front of DS when he started school, in fact I seem to remember playing happily with one of the games in the classroom! But felt a bit sad when I got home.

I’m sure I will have a lump in my throat when DS starts sixth form this week. Another big milestone in his life, and so proud of how hard he worked especially in the shitstorm that education has been in the last couple of years. Again I won’t howl and wail in front of him

WorraLiberty · 06/09/2021 00:23

Ignore the 'floods of tears' brigade OP.

File them along with those who 'Howl', 'Weep', 'Sob' and 'spit tea/wine on their keyboards' - mostly just social media exaggeration.

You might shed a tear or two or you might just get on with your day - excited for home time so you can hear all about your DC's day.

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