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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make DS go to college tomorrow with painted nails?

98 replies

saehe · 05/09/2021 19:36

DS is 16, he's got his first day of college tomorrow.

Every first day back at school, he'd always say he didn't want to go, and this year is the same, although this time it's college.

DP has agreed to take him but DS is still saying he doesn't want to go, so me and DP have a feeling he's going to refuse to go tomorrow.

Anyway, he went to meet up with his friend, he got back and his nails are painted, I told him I don't have any nail varnish remover and he seemed fine with it, he then comes to me and tells me he can't go to college tomorrow with his nails painted as it's his first day and people will laugh at him and he doesn't want them to know he's bisexual.

He has his nails painted occasionally, but not often at all and I suspect this time he's done it so he has an excuse to not go to college.

WIBU to make him go to college with painted nails? As he agreed to them being painted, so surely he should take the consequences or is that too mean as its his first day with new people?

I'm in two minds so I could do with opinions! Or any tips on how to get the nail varnish off as I've already told him to wash his hands with warm water but it hasn't worked.

OP posts:
Wandamakesporridge · 05/09/2021 22:34

In my 6th form it wouldn’t matter, lots of the boys have painted nails. Its a current thing, it’s more to do with being alternative than sexuality as far as I can tell.

However this is in London, I don’t know what it would be like in other areas of the country.

spotcheck · 05/09/2021 22:34

@plodalong12

I think a lot of people commenting here are forgetting they are commenting through the eyes of an adult with hindsight, and not through the eyes of a 16 year old child attending their very first day of college…
Nope. Commenting as someone who works in education ☺️
Catasptrophisemycat · 05/09/2021 22:40

Just tell him that he will be the most interesting person there if he rocks up without nail varnish and a collection of pronouns

Again...if he doesn't want to go - that's fine but you need to stop paving the way for him otherwise when will it stop?

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 05/09/2021 22:41

My son is straight, he’s painted his nails before, his girlfriend liked it on him 🤷‍♀️ no one said anything negative, even in church lol! I’ve also seen photos of him where he’s wearing eyeliner.
However, if it was my 16 year old, and he was feeling that uncomfortable about it, I’d help him out. A dash of vodka (or other alcohol) should do the trick.
Hopefully college will be a place though where he can blossom and begin to feel comfortable in his own skin. It really is a different ball game to school (in a good way!)

plodalong12 · 05/09/2021 23:06

@spotcheck
Nope.
Commenting as someone who works in education
☺️

As a 16 year old teenager anxious about your first day of college to the point you don’t want to go in, would you have listened to any adult who told you to just relax, stop worrying, get a grip etc, whether that adult worked in a college or not? If so, that’s very unusual (for a teenager).

Rummikub · 05/09/2021 23:08

[quote plodalong12]@spotcheck
Nope.
Commenting as someone who works in education
☺️

As a 16 year old teenager anxious about your first day of college to the point you don’t want to go in, would you have listened to any adult who told you to just relax, stop worrying, get a grip etc, whether that adult worked in a college or not? If so, that’s very unusual (for a teenager).[/quote]
What would your suggestion be?

plodalong12 · 05/09/2021 23:15

Nail varnish remover

TaraR2020 · 05/09/2021 23:18

I think he's too young to be made to go to school with painted nails given that he fears he will be outed.

I have several friends who were outed before they were ready and it was really damaging for them - and they were all older than 16.

Definitely make him go to school, but get remover en route and if he's late, he's late.

notacooldad · 05/09/2021 23:20

Lads wore nail varnish, and eye liner, and heels, when I was at college in the 90s, and that was in a working class town in the north east! No one batted an eyelid. I refuse to believe we've gone so far backwards since then
Absolutely and it was old hat then.
The punks wore make up and before them there was glam rock.
Nail polish on lads is common.
That's why I think there is an underlying issue around college.

TwooThirty · 05/09/2021 23:23

Or any tips on how to get the nail varnish off as I've already told him to wash his hands with warm water but it hasn't worked.

Honestly I’m more shocked that you thought washing hands = removing nail varnish than anything else. Do you think people with painted nails don’t wash?

MobyDicksTinyCanoe · 05/09/2021 23:24

Hairspray will get it off.

Or turps.

Rummikub · 05/09/2021 23:29

This is clearly not about the nail varnish!

There’s something else afoot, he needs support to overcome this obstacle.

gogohm · 05/09/2021 23:30

Do you have paint stripper, nail varnish is just acetone, mine is 100% (bought for acrylic removal during lockdown)

MinesAPintOfTea · 05/09/2021 23:32

Obvious natural consequence is an early start to get nail polish remover before college. He gets control over his appearance, but doesn’t get out of college from a minor act of rebellion, and the early start is a minor deterrent.

Judystilldreamsofhorses · 05/09/2021 23:34

I’m a lecturer and frequently see male students (gay and straight) with painted nails. No-one gives a shit. Last year I had one guy in my tutor group who I mysteriously always seemed to have matching nails with, and during the December to Easter lockdown I noticed more and more guys with them, I assume due to boredom. (Remote classes, but same pre Covid.)

Ifixfastjets · 05/09/2021 23:44

Send him round here.
My ds is always wearing nail varnish.
He is 18 and doing engineering at college.
Nobody cares. Apart from me. That was my dark blue. Cheeky sod!
Anyway, ds has remover...

wtfisgoingon2021 · 05/09/2021 23:45

The nail varnish actually might be a good ice breaker?

But you wrote your post at 7:30 plenty of time for him to get remover between then and I'm guessing tomorrow's 9am start..

Is he only like this with education or does he get anxious before going other places.
Maybe it would be good to explore these feelings.

Original poster
saehe · 06/09/2021 11:58

DS refused to go this morning, and was saying about the nail varnish etc but DP told him he'd take him to Tesco before college so DS got dressed, but when they were in the car DS told him he didn't want to go to tesco and he went in with painted nails anyway.

OP posts:
GoWalkabout · 06/09/2021 12:36

Well done sounds positive

sashh · 06/09/2021 13:25

No one will bother unless he is doing a catering course and then he will be told to have bare nails for practicals.

Another vote for nail polish, put on and wipe while still wet.

Hairspray can work too.

Do you have a swimming poll near by that's open? A 15 min swim soon cleans nails.

Rummikub · 06/09/2021 22:47

That’s good!
Hope his first day went well.

IncessantNameChanger · 06/09/2021 23:04

Well done to your dd. Hardest day is done and dusted now. I hope he feels a bit more confident tomorrow.

IncessantNameChanger · 06/09/2021 23:05

Doh! Ds I mean.

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