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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make DS go to college tomorrow with painted nails?

98 replies

saehe · 05/09/2021 19:36

DS is 16, he's got his first day of college tomorrow.

Every first day back at school, he'd always say he didn't want to go, and this year is the same, although this time it's college.

DP has agreed to take him but DS is still saying he doesn't want to go, so me and DP have a feeling he's going to refuse to go tomorrow.

Anyway, he went to meet up with his friend, he got back and his nails are painted, I told him I don't have any nail varnish remover and he seemed fine with it, he then comes to me and tells me he can't go to college tomorrow with his nails painted as it's his first day and people will laugh at him and he doesn't want them to know he's bisexual.

He has his nails painted occasionally, but not often at all and I suspect this time he's done it so he has an excuse to not go to college.

WIBU to make him go to college with painted nails? As he agreed to them being painted, so surely he should take the consequences or is that too mean as its his first day with new people?

I'm in two minds so I could do with opinions! Or any tips on how to get the nail varnish off as I've already told him to wash his hands with warm water but it hasn't worked.

OP posts:
shesellsseacats · 05/09/2021 20:00

Yes YABU to send your DS to college in a way that will make him feel humiliated.

The humiliation may stay with him and could even make not only his first day but his first week or month awful.

Either get remover from a late night shop or a friend or go out first thing tomorrow with him to get it.

Good luck!

Fupoffyagrasshole · 05/09/2021 20:01

Seriously nobody will care 😂

Rummikub · 05/09/2021 20:02

There’s lots of lads with painted nails in college
No one cares
Must important thing though is for him to go to college. Whichever way that can happen so help him remove the varnish or tell it’s fine to go in like that.

LublinToDublin · 05/09/2021 20:03

How easy would it be to go and get some nail varnish remover? Neighbour / friend/ corner shop?

I'd focus on helping him manage first day at college rather than teaching a lesson about thinking shesd

BrendaBubbles · 05/09/2021 20:05

He’s sixteen, he can deal with this.

notacooldad · 05/09/2021 20:08

You can't make him go, this could start serious bullying
Maybe 10 years ago but not now.
The groups of teens both make and female in schools, colleges youth zones and within family support are very fluid with how they Express their 'individuality' they all look similar!
Nail varnish is not a stand out look on a teen lad anymore!

OP, hes trying it on.
My advice would be try and find out why he doesn't want to go to college and what other options he suggests.
Telling him doing nothing is not an option though.

pinkflask · 05/09/2021 20:09

I teach in a college, I suppose it depends what sort of course he’s on but there’d be no bullying in my classes of a lad with painted nails. I doubt anyone would even notice. They’re usually so pleased to be out of uniform for the first time that there’s all manner of styles and outfits going on.

Honestmary · 05/09/2021 20:10

A nail file will remove the nail varnish in minutes

Mumoblue · 05/09/2021 20:10

If I were you I’d go get some remover.
Not because I think he would get bullied but because it’s clear HE thinks that and doesn’t feel confident about going in like that, and you want him to feel confident going in.

Original poster
saehe · 05/09/2021 20:14

@Ponoka7

You can't make him go, this could start serious bullying. Has he chosen the college and course, or have you? Don't you have a local co-op type shop that sells nail varnish remover, or any friends/neighbours you could ask? You need to address his not wanting to go and what he'll do instead.
He has chosen the college and the course, but he refuses to go on the first day back after a holiday (especially after the 6 weeks) and he's done it ever since he started school, but once he's there he's fine and he goes fine after that until the next holiday.

There's no shops open near us now, as we live rural.

Thanks for the tips everyone, will try them but if they don't work DP will take him to the supermarket tomorrow morning.

OP posts:
Eviebeans · 05/09/2021 20:16

He probably needs help to sort his nails out tonight and support to get him through his first day at college. It's easy to say let him sort it or brave it out at college but it sounds like he's anxious anyway and also working out some stuff re sensuality. When you're 16 every thing feels like a big deal.

SweetBabyCheeses99 · 05/09/2021 20:16

I think it’s more likely that he knew full-well that he would be wearing the nail varnish to college and wanted to do it. However, he’s now chickening out about it.
I would support him to be himself and wear it proudly. I imagine his classmates are more likely to assume he’s trans/queer/non-binary than bisexual and that’s super trendy right now anyway so I imagine they’d be super supportive.

pigsDOfly · 05/09/2021 20:19

I was going to suggest hairspray to get it off.

Kanaloa · 05/09/2021 20:19

If you paint his nails over as if doing a top coat/clear polish then wipe it off when it’s wet all the nail polish will come off.

TolkiensFallow · 05/09/2021 20:21

If this was me, I’d ring one of my mates and ask to borrow some nail varnish remover. Problem solved

Sweettea1 · 05/09/2021 20:21

Apply more varnish to the nail then wipe it off straight away not giving it a chance to dry it will bring the 1st layer off I have had todo this many off times.

shinynewapple21 · 05/09/2021 20:23

Sorry but I think that's a bit mean to expect him to go to college on his first day feeling uncomfortable in his appearance when it's easy to correct . Do you have a late opening corner shop or Tesco express open now or first thing in the morning ?

Alternatively a fresh coat of nail varnish added then wiped off immediately should get most of it off .

GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal · 05/09/2021 20:24

@notacooldad

You can't make him go, this could start serious bullying Maybe 10 years ago but not now. The groups of teens both make and female in schools, colleges youth zones and within family support are very fluid with how they Express their 'individuality' they all look similar! Nail varnish is not a stand out look on a teen lad anymore!

OP, hes trying it on.
My advice would be try and find out why he doesn't want to go to college and what other options he suggests.
Telling him doing nothing is not an option though.

Lads wore nail varnish, and eye liner, and heels, when I was at college in the 90s, and that was in a working class town in the north east! No one batted an eyelid. I refuse to believe we've gone so far backwards since then.

Rummikub · 05/09/2021 20:25

Would going to get breakfast in the morning near the college without pressure help? Then he may be more willing to go in and try?
If his attendance is good after that then maybe it’s just the transition he finds hard.

Rummikub · 05/09/2021 20:25

Is he in danger of losing his place if he doesn’t go?

Suzi888 · 05/09/2021 20:26

@shesellsseacats

Yes YABU to send your DS to college in a way that will make him feel humiliated.

The humiliation may stay with him and could even make not only his first day but his first week or month awful.

Either get remover from a late night shop or a friend or go out first thing tomorrow with him to get it.

Good luck!

^ that
Whatinthelord · 05/09/2021 20:30

I’d make him go to college but drive out to a shop tonigh or in the morning for nail polish.

I don’t think nail polish is a big deal but I would do it so he feels comfortable on his first day rather than paranoid about his nails,

Whatinthelord · 05/09/2021 20:31

I’m sure a neighbour will have some you could borrow.

TartanJumper · 05/09/2021 20:37

I went to two colleges and nobody would have noticed or cared. (That may vary)
Hand sanitiser or rubbing alcohol might remove it if you have any.

Candleinthebreeze · 05/09/2021 20:40

@ISpyCobraKai

Dd's Bf has his nails painted sometimes he's heterosexual.
Lol, no, he isn’t