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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want MIL to move in when baby is born?

66 replies

Goodbee2052 · 05/09/2021 15:13

DH has told me he’d really love for his mum to move in after our baby is born, in December, to help me out. We’ve only spoken over video call and never met plus we don’t share a common language. I don’t think she’s very good with children either as I’ve seen her on video call holding a newborn baby once and she didn’t hold his head, she left his head swinging as she passed him to his mother.

OP posts:
Lockheart · 05/09/2021 15:15

You can not want whatever you like, but you'd be better off telling your DH than us.

ToddlerLockdown · 05/09/2021 15:15

Do you know why he would?

Have you explained to him how you feel?

I think you are perfectly justified to not want this. You need to tell him soon before it’s too late.

ComDummings · 05/09/2021 15:15

Sounds like a nightmare Shock and I love my MIL but just NO. Nooooo. YANBU.

StarshipsAreMeantToFly · 05/09/2021 15:16

DH has told me he’d really love for his mum to move in after our baby is born, in December, to help me out tell him you've only spoken over video call and wouldn't love it. You might be feeling pretty vulnerable so maybe ask if she can visit for a short while instead and get her a hotel room

StarshipsAreMeantToFly · 05/09/2021 15:16

And would he really love it? Or would she.

3scape · 05/09/2021 15:17

Why on earth would anyone want this? Take a chainsaw to his ridiculous apron strings. It's pretty offensive too, is he saying he doesn't expect you to cope? Or that he intends to do fuck all?

Outfoxedbyrabbits · 05/09/2021 15:18

Well he might love it but you wouldn't so it's not happening, is it? Why haven't you just told him no? Or if you have, why isn't that the end of it?

SylvanasWindrunner · 05/09/2021 15:19

Maybe just suggest he helps out instead?!

EmeraldRaine · 05/09/2021 15:20

One newborn baby isn't that hard to look after. Why on earth would you need his mum to help?

Aquamarine1029 · 05/09/2021 15:20

Is your husband mad? Say HELL NO and refuse to discuss it further. Do not be railroaded into this.

I must say I don't think this bodes well for your relationship. My guess is that your husband wants his mother around so he never has to lift a finger.

timeisnotaline · 05/09/2021 15:21

Why would you move in ANYONE you’ve never met when you’ve just given birth to your first child?? She could be a trained nanny for infants and it’s still a terrible idea. No. ‘You want me to live with a woman I’ve never met in real life when I’ve just given birth? So instead of us working out how to adjust to this baby I will have to concentrate on getting to know a complete stranger and showing them around because you think it’s a good idea? You won’t be here. I think it’s a terrible idea. I will be here. No.’

Oogachuckachopsy · 05/09/2021 15:21

Tell him no. Tell him now.

ReggaetonLente · 05/09/2021 15:22

Is this a normal thing to do in his culture op? I just ask as you mention you don't share a language. If it is he might be wanting to do it for her, knowing it's important to her, rather than you, but he needs to shift his mindset - your happiness and that of your baby should be his priority now.

My SIL's mum just assumed she'd be moving in for 6 months when they had their baby, was really looking forward to it and was most put out when SIL and DB said no thanks. It was normal to her.

Bells3032 · 05/09/2021 15:23

Not unreasonable. You will be hormonal and tired and feeling like shit. Don't have someone there you don't want.

I adore my mil but I wouldn't want her moving in with me straight after giving birth.

timeisnotaline · 05/09/2021 15:23

I too worry that he thinks it’s a genius idea that means he can do fuck all. Mine came home and cooked dinner every night while our first was teeny. Took baby weekend mornings so I could sleep in (after I helpfully pointed out it was this or taking some night shifts anyway). Make sure you have expectations of your dh and communicate them clearly to him.

billy1966 · 05/09/2021 15:23

Absolutely not.

Is he really THAT dim that he would think you would want a complete stranger in your home after having a baby when there is no room???🙄

Be crystal clear with him that it's a No.

He sounds like a mummy's boy.
How long do you know him?

VladmirsPoutine · 05/09/2021 15:26

This is the done thing in some cultures so the 'iS hE a MuMMy'S bOy?' remarks are a bit Hmm but you wouldn't be unreasonable to just say no. I wouldn't like this either.

Laiste · 05/09/2021 15:26

Just say thanks but no thanks OP.

A stranger to you in the house when you're bleeding, possibly struggling with stitches, weepy, tired, milk coming in ect. NO TA!

Laiste · 05/09/2021 15:27

I wouldn't want my own mother moving in with me either.
For the record.

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 05/09/2021 15:29

I voted YANBU on the strength of the title alone, but looks like you have a rare 100% agreement so far.

shesellsseacats · 05/09/2021 15:32

You need to nip this in the bud now. Tell your DH in no uncertain terms that you do not want your MIL moving in.

MrsWooster · 05/09/2021 15:33

Nope.

Brollypackedforscottishholiday · 05/09/2021 15:35

Just tell him you are confident that you both will be able to more than manage...

spotcheck · 05/09/2021 15:36

Does he want to sub contract his share of the chores?

HoppingPavlova · 05/09/2021 15:38

I’m sure he thinks he has hatched a brilliant plan so he can essentially do fuck all and carry on life pretty much as it is now. Make it plain it’s not happening and also exactly how work will be divvied up, he’ll be doing pretty much all house and meal stuff to begin with in the first fortnight so he can start with that on his list.